Friday, November 11, 2011
I love you.
I feel your presence everywhere I turn. My last memory of you, parking your car in front of my house with that long face and leaning on your car while I gave you your gift and told you no one can beat me in being the first to wish you. I wished you months in advance. You asked me, "Is this why you wanted me to come?". And I nodded my head like a child. As you unwrapped your gift and the letter fell out, I told you to go read it at home and I saw your face light up with the gift. You flipped it around and you told me it looked so nice. I asked you if it would fit and you told me "can". And I said if it hangs on you, that means you need to put on some weight. You gave me that smirk you always give when someone brigs up your sensitive issue, "your weight". I laughed and I knew something was bothering you but I didn't ask. You told me you were tired. But still, you gave me a hug. I hugged you back, tilting my toes like I always do. You were always so tall right? And then I watched you drive away. I play that day millions of times in my head and i regret not telling you how much I love you. I never called you anne. You were just Adrian. If I can have that day once again, I'll hug you as tight as I can, kiss your forehead and tell you I love you. Today, I only managed to place a kiss on the sand, on the glass. You received it though, didn't you? I know you are watching me and scolding me for crying. But, I can't help it Adrian. You were the only brother I ever had and will ever have. I read all your messages, your wall posts, your comments, and I feel this whole in my heart. Your voice is ringing in my head and all your memories linger around me. I hate it that I have to go on with life without you by my side. I love you so much Adrian. Life might go on but it won't be the same without you. I told you I have never been to the church and you promised me you'll take me and go. Today I went with you. But not in the way you promised me we would. I just love you so much. You know that right? I love you.