Monday, December 31, 2012

Oooooo, So it is already 2013?

*drum rolls*
And here it is, the last day of the year 2012. To be honest, a part of me always thought that somehow I won't be alive till this day. I don't know why, but I did. And I don't know why, but I am still alive. I am very grateful to be able to still breathe, to be able to still cuddle with Ruby and Dino, to be able to cook with mum or argue with dad. I am still alive and I am thankful for that.
Errr, okay, that was emo enough for an intro.
It is the last day of the year and as always, I am compelled to reflect on how the year went. 2011 was a roller coaster year for me. I had my ups and downs but 2012 was a year that just went downhill, in so many aspects. I have been through more in this last 365 odd days then I have ever had in my life. The trials and tribulations that I have faced is one that would remain etched in my heart forever. I have just learnt so much in this one year that words will never be able to express how I feel ending the year.
But hey, a new year equals to a new beginning right? So here is to leaving everything behind and putting a step forward. I have had a long list of resolutions compiled but right before we go there, let's just see how 2012 went, shall we?
My biggest dream for 2012 is to get myself published. I did not manage to do it in the scale I wanted to but an article that I wrote did get published in my college magazine. I am fueled with so much passion to continue that dream to own a column of my own in a newspaper. I know it will happen, I just hope it happens soon.
In 2012, I promised to take care of myself real well and I am happy to say that I did. I fell in love with myself many times this year. I know I know. Pretty self praising but hey, I do love myself very much!
Well, I have no idea how 2013 would go but I am keeping my hopes up. I know it will be an awesome year if I just let it to. Here is to meeting new people, to learning new lessons, to being a better version of me. Here is to a new year. Happy New Year people!

Signing off with a smile, Love you people!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

What makes you a man?

I woke up to the sad news of the Delhi victim's death yesterday. I remember feeling this emptiness in my heart and soul. I did not know that girl. She was not my sister, friend nor were we tied by any relation, blood or not. But we had one similarity. We are both females living in a world that never failed to put down the fairer sex. Once again, as always, I am stressing the fact that I am not a sexist. I am merely a girl trying to raise a voice for her own gender.
My hands are numb typing this out, and so is my heart and soul. Where is the value of a woman? I just don't understand how anyone would have the heart to do what they did to that girl. She has been given names such as Daarmini and Nirbhaya. No one knows her true identity, something which should be remained that way. This girl is the voice of thousands of us, females. She will remain a pillar of strength for the many of us and her death will have an arc of its own in our souls forever.
But here is something that I don't understand. Why do men choose to rape? Please highlight the word "choose" here. I am saying that it is a choice that men make. To rob a girl of her virginity or to force her into sex does not make you a man. Here is what that does make you a man. Can you touch a girl no where but her heart? If you can, pet yourself on your back. Because honestly, that makes you a man.

Signing off though I have so much to say.

Friday, December 28, 2012

37 days of a very different life-My very own working experience!

How lucky I am to have known a life that is so different from the one I am used to. I am the pampered princess, the one who has it her way, who does things because she wants to and yet, all that changed in the last 37 days of my life. The people that I have met, the lessons that I have learnt and the memories that I will now carry for the rest of my life here on Earth has made me a person that I never once knew I could be.
Yes, I got myself a part time job as a Cashier in a leading hypermarket in Klang for this semester break. This is my story, one that I am proud to tell.
I always thought that my first ever paid job would be as a teacher, and if not that then as a writer. But I suppose God always had better plans for me. He put me in a place that I never once knew I could survive. For starters, the very first day of work, I was placed in a wine shop. Yeap, you heard me right. I sat there for practically 4 hours, not moving much, trying so hard to not cry, well, I did cry. I mean, you know I am against alcohol consumption. It is a life principle and my life principles mean the world to me. So yes, I cried. I went home that day, looked at myself in the mirror and wondered what the hell have I got myself into. It was that bad.
Well, that aside. Let's talk about the Vegetarian life principle. I have touched more raw meat in these last few days then I have ever had in the last 2 years of converting into a Vegetarian. Every single time that I had a customer bring in meat to be cashed in, I died a little inside. Being an animal lover, it was definitely the toughest part of my job. I had to tell myself that it was okay. And at the end of the day, I am proud to say, I survived that too. 
I have so many stories to tell and I am sure that it will unfold with every post of mine. For now, I am just happy to have experienced this life that is so different from that which I am used to. Money has always had lesser value in my heart compared to love, care, affection and etc. And it still remains that way despite learning how much money means too.
Apart from all that, I do know that when tomorrow rolls in, I will miss waking up at 7, miss snoozing for 10 mins, I will miss my morning shower, my morning coffee in front of the tv, I will miss Dino's goodbye kiss right before I get into the car and take that long 15 mins drive to work. I will miss my morning radio show, my favourite C4 parking, the morning guard who will smile at me, I will miss punching in my card and I will miss looking into the mirror before walking in. I will miss wishing that Counter 28 has not been opened and I will miss jumping in joy when I am given the express counter. I will miss saying thank you to every customer, despite how much I feel like screaming at some of them. I will miss saying, "Mam, less than 10 things only ah", and I will miss the money change that the team leaders will do. I will miss blinking the light and calling for help and I will miss counting the coins and the spot checks with the team leaders. I will miss closing my counter with a sigh of relief and that long walk that I take back to my car only to repeat the whole process the next day. I will just miss so much of everything.

Signing off with a hint of nostalgic memories, Love you people.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Of flaring tempers and mixed up emotions.

You know that fleeting moment when you feel so happy that you can't help but put on a smile on your lips? Your heart leaps a little and you feel your legs being lifted from the ground by an invisible force? Pretty amazing no?
Nope, I am not feeling all that today. In fact, I feel the right opposite. I am in a bad mood, a very bad mood that I don't know how to explain in words.
It's not that I want to feel this way but I do. I hate these mixed up emotions and feelings. I have so much to say and yet I can't find the words to do so. This happens at times, doesn't it?
I find myself questioning my every action. My temper is flaring very easy and we all know that, that is bad. How do I get rid of all these emotions running wild in me?
I am not the kinda gal that gets frustrated with life that easy. I have seen enough to know how much I should appreciate the fact that I still have so much left in life. *touchwood* So, what's wrong with me then?

Signing off with a blanky wrapped around me, Love you people!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

How about falling for a total stranger?

"Across the years, I shall hold your heart and when our time on Earth is through, in Heaven too I shall be yours. "
I absolutely love that particular phrase so much that it has been in my head for the last 6 years, ever since I read it in a novel. Funny how it means so much to me despite not having a particular someone to dedicate that to.
Being single in a world that shakes its head at you for not having someone by your side is pretty...let me say...damn good! Ironical? Allow me to explain. I am the kinda girl that does what her heart desires, never once allowing anyone to be the reason of my actions or decisions. I believe in love so much, trust me on that. So it is only fair that I wait patiently for that prince charming of mine. It might take years, but wait I shall.
I met up with my best friend recently and we spoke about the future. We are both single by the way and we both have never been in a relationship and we both share the same fears on this matter. The difference would be that she, well, has her feet firmly attached to the ground while I, you know me. I am still with the whole fairytale thingy.
Anyway, she told me that she wants to meet someone new, some stranger, someone she has never seen in her life, wants him to change her perception, her views and then she wants to fall madly in love with him. I couldn't help but smile at what she said. I have never thought of falling for someone that way. I always assumed that things would happen the way it always does. You know, knowing someone for a while then you start feeling tiny little butterflies floating in your tummy and suddenly, boom, just like that, you realise that you are looking at him/her in a whole new angle. The conventional way of falling in love sounds pretty ok right?
But then again, imagine getting to know a stranger, imagine letting him/her slowly into your lives. Sounds pretty interesting, doesn't it? We all make friends this way but how about falling in love this way? Knowing that you want something more than just friendship with a total stranger and knowing that you want that in the future and not now, is kinda exciting. I am not saying that I want this, I am just saying that it is an idea that is well, not bad, not bad at all.
I can see myself slowly letting someone know about me. Like sitting across someone and telling them, "Hey, you know what, I am an animal lover and a committed vegetarian for life. I won't judge someone who eats meat but I will never change myself for anyone". Or how about hearing him say, "That's nice. I am a person who doesn't believe in having an online social life and I don't have a Facebook account".
Ooooookay, sorry peeps, I know I am getting carried away with this whole concept. But honestly, it is a good concept!
Anyway, I am far from experiencing any of that at this point of my life and I am extremely happy with that. Let's just have things happen the way it is supposed to shall we. Who knows, that prince charming of mine might be reading this at this very moment with a tiny smile on his lips. *dreamyeyes*

Signing of with a hot mug of coffee at hand, Love you people!