Friday, April 29, 2011

Dreams, Food, and the joy of it being a Saturday!

The sun kissed the earth a long time ago and the rooster too cooed about 7 hours ago. But, I just woke up! The most fun part about being at home is the fact that you can sleep in late at night and wake up whenever you feel like it. It's a nice feeling. I had a rather scrumptious dream. Yes, I dreamnt of food. Not that I was thinking of food or anything before going to bed. It just happened. I have quite of a weird belief that if you think so deeply about something, for example a person or an event that happened, it would be transfered to your subconscious mind and before you know it, you would be dreaming about it. Is it true? Well, i certainly think it is. It has happened to me a few times. Especially when I was 14 and had this huge crush on someone who practically did not know i existed, I dreamnt of him all the time! Wow, how stupid was I! I realise it now. But hey, all our hormones were acting strange at that time.
So, what am I up to today? I don't know. The fact that I'm somewhat broke resists my desire to step out and have some fun shopping. So I guess I'll stay in. Maybe I should cook. But hey, who am I kidding. We all know that it never turns out! But hey, the motto is to never give up right? So, cooking it is. Now, what shall I cook? It's vege day today so that limits the choice. I'll see what I can come up with and perhaps blog about it later too. By the way, why am I hooked to blogger all of a sudden? :)

Rambling in the wee hours of the morning!

So ya, its 3.28 a.m and im wide awake. So, i was flipping around a few pages and im extremely bored. My maxis is killing me.It's taking forever to load and there is no one online in fb for me to have ridiculous conversations with. At least, not the ones i want to. My shih-tzu and poodle are soundly asleep. Dad and mum too. The house has an eerie silence about it thats very much unsettling. And you know me. So ya,im a bit spooked out.
Anyway, I have realised that my recent blog posts has been all about how I feel, and not much about what has happened or interesting events. I guess I'm more of an emotional writer. Either way, I have also noticed that I do not write much nowadays. Well, life as a 20 year old is definitely challenging. Oh my, that makes me sound really old. I wonder what I'll say when I reach 30. Its scary. I'm sure things would have dramatically changed by then. Will I feel old? Will I look old? Wrinkles maybe? Oh god, its a scary image! But by then, i hope I would have made some difference in the life's of my students. Thats all a teacher can hope for right? Honestly, I can't wait to graduate! They say it will be way tougher than being a teacher trainee. But I kinda like kids and I sure hope I wont turn out to be your average grumpy english teacher. I want be the fun one! The one they turn to for help and the one the other teachers envy (thats the competitive part of me speaking).
Either way, this life that I'm looking forward to is one that I never expected to have. One small decision and voila it changed my life forever. But im happy! I mean, no matter what that happens, you have to go to bed contented and I dare say I do so every night of the week. So, dear readers (if any at all), never regret the past coz its gone forever. Look forward to the future because thats something you shape as you move along this difficult path called life. Life is beautiful!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

When the soul smiles...;)

I'm at home!!! I miss IPBA so much! Well, not really..But, I do miss certain parts of IPBA. :)
I had a dream that left me speechless. A dream that felt so real. The kind of one where you never want to wake up from. But, also the kind of dream that you know might never come true. I woke up with a little smile on my face and it was enough for this short few days at home! :)

A magical moment...:)

Have you had one of those days? The day that you walk around hoping so badly for something to happen and it doesn't. So, you get tired of waiting...decide to give up..and boom! It happens! I had a magical moment today. Something i wished to happen, happened and it left a smile on my face for the rest of the day. Heck! I'm still smiling. I feel as though I'm a 10 year old back. Laughing and smiling for no reason and then I realise why I'm smiling and I blush subconsciously. I do not know where all this might take me and I can't be bothered. After all, life happens only once right? So, I'm going with the flow. I'm trying my level best to hold on to all these memories because I know one day it will be so worth it. I may not know it now but these are the stuffs I'm going to miss the most when it's all over. I know "the end" will eventually arrive but that doesn't mean I can't take detours now. I'm happy and that's all that matters.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

More shoes and more days to be endured!

I have nothing much to say. Today, we had our first ever class party plus birthday celebration at mid valley. It was fun, in a way i suppose. Being one of the birthday girls was definitely amazing n i absolutely love the gift they got us! damn cute! n its pink! Ok, thats the girlish side of me speaking. Later on, I and kak nab walked around mid valley aimlessly before stumbling upon a pasar-malam like atmosphere in Vincci. Yes, the shoe heaven! Everything was on sale! Omg! Everything! I grabbed a pair of killer white heels and I so can't wait to put it on! I don't really know where am I going to wear it to but you can't find a reason to buy shoes right? Shoes are like oxygen. Everyone needs it. Plus, I'm a girl. Its totally acceptable for me to have a huge addiction towards shoes!
That brings me to the next topic. My sister. Yes, the Indon woman is coming back! Yihaa! I'm super excited because i have made so many plans and I would love to watch as it unfolds. The plans as for now:
1) shoe shopping at times square
2) banana leaf food at devi's corner
3) eat till our stomach burst at annalakshmi
4) n basically just hours of talking and arguing!

I can't wait! 24 June 2011!


Monday, April 25, 2011

If its meant to be, it will be.

Tell me, can you feel my heart beat? If you did, I know for sure that you won't treat me as such. I am trying to create a beautiful fairytale and yet somehow you are not willing to be a part of the picture. Are these my imaginations? Something that would only be a part of a dream? I'm torturing myself trying to figure out the answers and somehow along the way I'm starting to give up. I tell myself I'm not worth the pain and yet my heart beats in a strange way as a thought of you pops into my stubborn mind. I'm being stupid, I tell myself over and over and yet this heart adamantly yearns for something it can't have. Reminds me of why I decided to let you go the first time around. I promised myself that I would not give up and that I'd fight for what that is mine. Yet, the heart is the most complex structure or part of the physical self of someone. You can never tell your heart to stop feeling a certain way because it works at it's own pace. Have faith I tell myself. If it's meant to be, it will be.

A shift from the usual

I'm thinking of starting a new blog. One in which I would pen down thoughts about the society, the systems, and simply Malaysia. Real issues that real people deal with. Does this mean that I'm evolving into a matured adult? I sure hope so. Maybe its time I took a break from the usual stuffs I write about and focus on something rather than myself for once. Maybe it'll heal this broken heart of mine. Who knows?

Friday, April 22, 2011

When it rains! :)

Rain. The little, tiny droplets of water from heaven. People shun themselves away from the rain. The men curse at it. They can't drive home on time, can't take on important business meetings, and can't watch football on tv due to the interruption of the signals caused by the thunder. The women on the other hand cringe unhappily. They can't dry the clothes, can't take a walk to the market and can't help but worry about their husbands who are stuck in traffic.
Well..I don't belong to any of those categories! I belong to the third one. The category for little kids. Have you seen a happier person on earth than a child when it rains? They jump, they get excited, they play happily in the rain. They have nothing else to worry about! That's how I am. I love it when it rains because there can be no match to the beauty of the skies when it rains. It's as though they are crying...grieving on the lost of something dear to them..n they do it with style!
I'm going to curl up with a hot mug of coffee and watch as it as those little pearls from heaven hit earth.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lonely and hating it!

Reality is finally settling in and I'm starting to broaden my thoughts on my future. I'm feeling very lost and I don't know what to do. I need someone to talk to. Someone that would put up with my insecurities and assure me I will do just fine. I need to get this all off my soul. I need a shift of thoughts. I need something else to focus on.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Have I found my prince charming?

Love has never been kind to me. I'm 20, single (never regretted it), and never been in love. My friends say i'm the most romantic person they know. I believe in the power of love, prince charmings, roses, love poems, and so on. So, how is it that I have never succeeded in giving my heart away truly? Growing up, all throughout my teenage years, I had the occasional crushes and I have envied those loving couples that walk around. Hell, I still do! But, things has changed. I have "grown up".
Its my first love and I do not want it to be a one-sided one. No matter how much i tell my heart to not think of him, he is the first person i think of when i wake up and the last when i doze off. I crave for someone to shake some senses into me. I want someone to tell me that it's a mere crush and that it will pass. But, no one knows and i don't dare say (with the exception of 2 people). I am scared that they will not understand how it feels but would judge me. I am terrified that people would give me the "whats-up-with-her" look. I admit that its not easy to tell your heart to stop loving someone. And try as i might, its impossible not to fall for someone with the same values, principles and believes in life. Its hard to finally find your prince and yet he doesnt know that you are madly in love with him.. Have I found my prince? Honestly, my heart is saying yes and my mind is saying no.
I never intended to fall in just happened!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Bumping into the angel of love...

I have started to question all that I believed in. I don't know what is wrong with me. A part of me is saying that I should honestly forget all this unresolved feelings and move on and yet a part of me is supporting this twisted reality that my heart has conjured up. I have no idea where this is taking me but honestly i really wish to stick around to find out. The best part about falling in love is that you don't choose love, but it chooses u!

Friday, April 15, 2011

This week has been all about surviving. It was about not giving up on myself, not giving a damn about what people might say, n simply about focusing on the right things in life. I definitely had one hell of a week. I don't even know where to start. But, all I can say is that, u noe wat..i made it! It sound so impossible that i managed to run through such a hectic week. I had only about 3 hours of sleep per night and still, i survived! So where am i going with all this...simple. I know that i may not give myself enough credit...but, i m one hell of a girl! I now know that no matter what i may say or do or seek approval from others, i have to believe in myself first. So people, take it from me...

Monday, April 11, 2011

Raging soul!

When life gives you a million reasons to grieve on, find that one reason to hold on...

I'm still looking for my reason to hold on...:(

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Signs that "he" loves you...especially, for the ladies! :)

Have you wondered whether a certain guy loves you? I found this online and it seems useful? Well, that's up to you!

He holds your hand in public
:If he reaches for your hand in public, more often than not it's because he wants everyone to know you are with him. When a man isn't in love holding hands can be a very big deal. It indicates that he is off the market to the people around you. If you reach for your hand and he grips firmly back, you know that he has no intention of giving the illusion of singledom to the other females around.

He actually shares his feelings: Most men absolutely do not share their emotions, especially any emotion that might make them appear fragile or weak. If he's letting you in on his deepest secrets, passions, and fears these are signs of love.

He shows an interest in your passions: If he's reading up or asking questions about your favorite subjects, it's because he loves you and wants to know what makes you truly happy.
He makes plans often: If your guy is filling up your calendar, it's most likely because he wants to spend every second he can with you. This is one of the biggest signs of love.

His family and friends involve you in their lives: You can always tell how someone feels about you by the way their family and friends react to you two together. If you are hanging out with his family on a regular basis, and they obviously like you, it's most likely because they know their son is in love.