Friday, September 30, 2011

September= Love!

If you asked me how my September started and ended, I would say, "With full of love". Okay. I know. And you know. i'm probably the most romantic person on earth, and I believe in love too much and ya, I go on and on on what love is. But, the kinda love I'm gonna talk about is the kinda love many of us fail to feel. Notice the absence of the word "see". For love is not meant to be seen but felt.
Let me start off by asking you, like always, What is love? Well, this is a question I always ask to those around me and here is what most of them said. One said it was all about "mushy-mushy" and another said love is life. You miss love and you miss life. Okay. Those are romantic answers and yes, that is a part of love. I won't deny that. But, beyond all that, how do one even get to defining what love is.
And that's precisely what September taught me. September pushed me to feel love from the other side of the world. From the side in which romance doesn't exist. I fell in love with myself this month and I'm super proud of it. Sure, I scratched my heart in the process, lots of tears and lots of confusion...but, I loved every moment of it. I learnt love doesn't mean sharing another's heart. All it means at times is appreciating yourself and showering others with love, even if it means not being loved back.
The love I feel when I hug my two dogs
The love I feel waking up to the sounds of GOD songs at home,
The love I feel when I bow before GOD,
The love I feel with the smell of mum's cooking and dad's little antics
The love I feel when my sis finishes up my credit
The love I feel standing in the balcony at my hostel watching as the tiny raindrops hit earth
The love I feel as I write more blog posts
The love I feel in the company of good friends
The love I feel as I understand love from another side...
This is love when you fall in love with yourself.

Its truly remarkable how much life can teach us in a mere 30 days. And, I am thankful for being allowed to know how love feels. So, as October rolls in, I wish everyone lots of luck in falling in love with yourself, if you haven't that is. And I want you people out there to tell me what love is, not love to your special someone, but love from the other end.

Here's to a new me. Olla October!

No more wishing,
No more hoping,
No more crying,
No more moping.

More smiles and laughter,
Less frowns and tears,
More kisses and hugs,
Less worries and fears.

More adventure and fun,
More pleasure and joy,
More to love,
More to enjoy.

This month is about happiness,
This month is about me,
This month is about dreams,
Becoming reality.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Let's all grow up...:)

I have an issue on my mind today which I seriously need to get it off from where it is securely locked. I'm in a position in which I am getting used to the fact that I'm no longer a child. I'm a grown-up and I know my limitations, restrictions, inhibitions, weaknesses as well as strengths, plus points...I'd just say that I know myself. I am in this world for a reason and it is up to me to make a difference in where I should. I am living my life truly and in fulfillment. I do things that I know would make me happy but im cautious enough to make sure no one suffers for my happiness. That's maturity right there. Maturity is knowing what you should, your placement in this world as well as possesing the ability to make wise decisions. And once again, no matter how much I may say your heart should lead the way, I am also saying that maturity is a part of letting go but knowing when to hold back.
So, why am I going on and on on maturity? A couple of reasons actually. But the main one would be the fact that I found out how childish some people may be. Let me stress here. When you are 20, you don;t go around spreading rumors about another person just to "fit" in. C'mon. Thats what you do when you are in secondary schools in which your hormones are all over the place. This is a university and you are 20. Friends are those who don't stab you at the back.
And yes, this world does not revolve around you. It revolves around a lot of things. Get over the fact that some people may be prettier than you, smarter than you, more qualified than you are. After all, aren't we all perfect in the eyes of GOD? Besides, please let me stress here, that prettiness, and all other adjectives does not even come close to describing who you are. Who you are is something you should be contented with looking into the mirror. Because that's the only person you should answer to.
And that brings me to the next issue at hand, you never ever should hurt another person for your own happiness. And that goes to everyone in this world. When you wind down the window and throw out your tissue paper. Aren't you hurting the atmosphere? When you go for a picnic and throw rubbish all over the place. Aren't you hurting mother nature? I just have one question here. How is it that you can hurt something/someone and go on like nothing has happened.
And lets move on, every one of us, have a life of our own. So, let me stress here. Seriously. In life, we will meet lots and lots of people. But, to flirt and to prove a point that you can have anyone you that's sick. And it brings me back to maturity and hurt. Seriously. Her boyfriend is hers, his girlfriend is his. Get me?
And yes, love is not using someone for your happiness. Feel free to critic me here. Sure, I have never been in a relationship and hence you may question my rights to speak about love. But, ill still say this, love is not something you play with. You either love a person or you don't. Love is what that keeps this world in its place. Love is subjective, yes. But, even though I'm not in a relationship and have never been in one, if you happen to tell me that love means calling up 10 guys at once to see which one fits, or if it means having one person you call a boyfriend and yet chatting for hours, flirting with another or if it is based on lust (in any form), I'm seriously gonna slap you...left and then right. You have no rights to play with love. Got it?
And then again, let me tell you this. Maturity is being able to accept one another's differences and opinions. Dictatorship is for idiots. When you are a group of anything, you make decisions as a group. I'm talking about being fair here people!

And please please know that sometimes you need to understand how another person feels. Sometimes they will want to be quiet, they will need space. Instead of flooding them with stories of how your life is perfect, why don't you open a ear and listen to them? Sometimes all a person needs is someone to be there for them

And then again im also saying this. I am no one to judge another person but I'm merely saying what I think is wrong. And the "you" in the above context, goes to every one human being out there. If you find yourself thinking that it may be you, then I'm begging you to please please grow up. To please know what you are doing is wrong. I'm letting you know that you are not a child anymore.

And I'm not perfect. I know that too. But, I am living my life in a way that I hope I will be able to answer GOD one day up there. Because my dear God's children, HE who created you would be the HE that takes you back. Just keep that in mind k.
Lots of love to those who read and even more to those who were in my mind as I typed this out. Have a nice day people.:)

-A miracolous day-

I have to talk about coincidence/miracles here. My day was perfectly normal and I did not have much to do. I thought it was just going to be another "normal" day in my life when I found out that someone was admitted in the hospital. And being who I am, I made a hasty decision to go to the temple to pray for that person. I don't know why but that is just something I usually do. Whenever I find out someone is ill, I'll go extend my prayers for that person to get well. Probably the amount of time I spend in the hospital myself influenced me. I know how it feels to be in the waiting room not knowing what is going to happen next and I certainly am familiar with the anxieties and worries. So, since I am in the situation of not being able to go visit that person, I decided to go pray for that person's health. I was so worried but stepping into the temple, and standing before GOD seriously made me feel much better. Anyway, the reason why i said today was a miraculous day is because I completely forgot that it was the start of Navrathri. Navrathri means nine nights & is celebrated for nine days for 3 Devi's, DURGA, LAKSHMI & SARASWATHI. Since it was an amman temple, I had the opportunity to be a part of the very first proceeding of those nine nights. I felt so blessed. Never in my 20 years of life have I been a part of those prayers. Makes me wonder, everything does happen for a reason right?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

What is love?

What is love? I heard you ask,
A pointed question,
A daunting task,
A challenge for a weary mind,
To see what gems that I may find.

What is love? My mind did say,
A caring touch?
A gentle way?
It's both of these, but so much more,
Numerous attributes, to explore.

What is love? I searched my soul,
A loving glance?
A hand to hold?
It is these things, but just one part,
Of the beauty that lies within the heart.

What is love? I asked my heart,
It seemed the best place,
Where I should start.
Is it fireworks, comets, or astral displays,
Which cause us to feel, so deeply this way?

"This is love," my heart replied,
"Listen closely to me,
And then you will see.
Love is not loud, it's a quiet sensation,
Not easily confused with infatuation."

"The beauty of love," it continued to tell,
"Is eternal endurance,
The absence of hell.
Unparalleled strength, in spite of adversity,
Protecting you with it's cloak of security."

"The gift of love," it sermonized on,
"Provides you with peace,
Like a golden-green morn.
It lives and breathes, for it is alive,
Where all your hopes and dreams reside."

What is love? You'll be glad to know,
Is the chance for two hearts,
To share and to grow.
Trust, compassion, and a listening ear,
Will dispel all your doubts, cast out all your fears.

What is love? It's simple you see,
It's essential as air,
For our souls to breathe.
It replenishes your faith, and self- esteem,
Allowing you to fulfill, all of your dreams.

When is it love? Your heart will know,
What you should do,
And where you should go.
It will guide your path, straight and true,
Be prepared for love, when it comes calling for you.


Monday, September 26, 2011

Whispers from the heart

Sometimes our heart doesn't listen to us. It runs wild. It does as it desires. It stops making sense and it doesn't care if it is right. All it cares is its own happiness. So, can you really blame me for being a girl that goes with her heart not her mind? I'll give you a very simple analogy. Would you rather listen to your head, analyse every situation, play safe or would you rather take chances, go with the unknown and just simply follow your heart?
It is temptations that lead us to do things that we don't want to. And, I do agree that at times those temptations may lead us to cross over boundaries and explore worlds we shouldn't. But, I don't want to live my life with regrets. 40 years from now, when I look back at my life, while lying in my deathbed, I want to be able to smile and say I lived as I desired not I lived as I should. After all, why waste such precious life by living based on another person's thoughts of what's right and wrong? Because that's what rules are. Rules are what some idiot before us lay out for us to follow. Do you really want to live based on another person? Aren't you worth more than that? So, my dear, I'm giving you a chance now. You can choose to stay where you are right now, your bed, your desk, your room, etc or you can wake up and go do something your heart tells you to.

Is your heart telling you to dial that special someone and ask them out? Is your heart telling you to go apologize for something you did? Or is it telling you to go demand an answer? Is it telling you to go confess all you ever felt or is it telling you to let go of someone you shouldn't have? Is it telling you to leap forward and take a chance or is it telling you to watch your back? Close your eyes and listen to your heart. Open your ears and eyes to the whispers of your heart because no one in this entire world would love you more than your heart does.

It hurts so much...:(

Ouch. How do I even start explaining how much it hurts? My head hurts! It really hurts! I have this silly headache that doesn't want to leave me alone! I can hear my head pounding with every step I take. And I cant even sleep, or just do anything. Its just there. I practically stared at the ceiling last night, not knowing what to do. I just couldn't fall asleep! And even now, I wanted so badly to sleep and get this headache off me and I just cant. I cant sleep! I hate being ill. I hate having silly unexplainable headaches!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Weddings and red sari's....Is it really real?

You know how suddenly out of the blue you have this recurring dream that leaves you speechless. Have you ever experienced that? Dreams that somehow leave a smile on your face when you wake up? And you know what is the best part of all, that you dream about it over and over again! So, let me tell you what did I dream of this past few days that has confused me..but in a very very good way!
I dreamnt that it was my wedding day and there were so many people around, none of whom I knew and they were trying to put this beautiful red saree on me. It was so beautiful with sparkles all over and I remember feeling so dizzy with excitement and thinking that this is finally the day it happens! The day Miss Romantic finds her prince charming! It felt so surreal. I woke up confused whether it really was a dream. But, it left a huge smile on my face.
Then, I kept on dreaming of the same image, me in a red saree but in different weddings. One was as a bridesmaid to my cousin sis. I have no idea why I keep on dreaming of marriages and red sarees but I'm happy. I mean, its no harm dreaming of marriages right? Maybe I will get married one day, draped in a red sari. And to think of it, all the sari's I own now is red! it will be then!
Anyway, being who i am, I did google to find out what it means to dream of weddings. And this is what they had to say.

Marriage in dreams is the ultimate sign of commitment; two people, being bounded by an eternal passion and connection, for one another. This dream could mean that it’s time for you to take that extra leap forward, and become bounded with your significant other. It’s time to take that person you care about, and spend the rest of your life with them.

If not towards a significant other, the idea of commitment applies to many aspects of one’s life. For instance, it could be a certain commitment towards friends, family, or even work. Marriage can symbolize the need for you to take the initiative to do something you care about. Maybe an unfinished project? or a promise you made to someone that you need to fulfill?

Whatever the case is, make sure you don’t leave it undone. This is a sign for you to take care of something that means a lot to you, and make sure you get it completed.

Erm...lets just let dreams be dreams k! :)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

What are words for if not to open up your soul?

Words. You only discover how beautiful words are when it is written down. When the pen touches the paper. With every glide of our fingers, we hold the power to create something so beautiful. I believe in words and more than anything I believe in words that are written. I believe in writing till your hand hurts and I believe that when you write, you get in touch with your soul. You speak from your heart. So, with the amount of problems and issues that all of us go through on a daily basis, why don't we all stop to get in touch with our souls and to heal ourselves. Some say you should write all that you feel and then burn the paper. I say, write all that you feel, then tear them into small, tiny pieces. Then simply blow it down from your balcony. Watch as gravity works its magic and the paper falls. Aaaaah. A feeling like no other. Open up your heart and fill it with that calmness and voila you will feel much better. Sometimes all we need is not someone to talk to or lean on. All we need is ourselves. And when you find yourself in a dark tunnel with no idea whatsoever of how to get out, grab a pen and paper and write your soul out. Write all that you ever want to say and simply let it all go. After all, you have to remember that when you get to the end of your rope, you should always tie a knot and hang on!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Caffein overdose and I'm crapping

Forgive me if this post doesn't make any sense. I am currently overdosed with coffee, have not slept properly for days, and just am not myself. Its the dreadful period of assignments and as usual that means I sleep, eat and work at random hours. I turn into a child whenever that happens.
Reminds me of what happened this morning. I slept at about 4.30 a.m last night (or this early morning) and woke up at 6.45 a.m. I had to drag myself out of bed and I just felt like my whole body was about to give in and I couldn't move a muscle. I could hear my head pounding and all I wanted to do was crawl in bed, hug my Pinky and sob into my pillow. But, instead I walked into the bathroom and without thinking stepped into the icy cold shower which was an instant boost to my eyes. I was wide awake but still felt like I would collapse as the minute passed by. Soon, after shivering for a while, I got dressed, put on a very very long face and sat with a heavy heart which is so not me. I'm normally so cheerful and chirpy in the morning. However all I really really wanted to do today was to just go back to my safe dream land. I put on water to boil and was about to inject another cup of coffee into my system when the phone rang. It was a fellow classmate and she told me that our morning class was cancelled! My instant reaction? "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh". I screamed happily and literally ran around my house. I jumped and jumped. Ok. You can't really blame me for turning into a child. I was really not myself! Too much coffee, icy cold shower, and no sleep can really turn you mad. I don't even know what I was crapping with my roommate and seriously, I don't want to know. I have started crapping with you. Like I said earlier, please forgive me for this post. I'm just not myself. I need to distress so badly! I just need some entertainment! I need to be my usual happy self.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

To live the life you the best you can! :)

Hello fellow bloggers, friends, and people with beautiful hearts.
Today, I want to talk about life. Wo..kay.I know. I'm only 20 and I sound so boring, don't i? But, I want to tell you what life is. If you really stop and think for a moment. All that has happened in your life, why did it happen? Why are you who you are today? Do we really have any answer for that? We tend to take life for granted. We talk too much, love too little and hate too much. We blame GOD for the pollution, the war, the depleting ozone, the crimes, etc, etc, etc. We walk around like we own the world. We are selfish and immature. We think we know everything. But, do we? I look at people around me and sometimes I can't help but wonder, why is it that we can always blame others for our misery but can never turn inwards and blame ourselves?
I define life as this little, tiny stage. Like a game. You will fail and you will rise. You can't be on the top all the time. Its about making choices. Choices that will lead you to where you are supposed to be in the first place. This narrow pathway in which we meet many people that teach us something along the way. They always take a part of us and give us a part of them. But, too often we receive too much and forget to give as much. So, today, let me tell you that you always have a choice in life. You can be an angel or a devil. You can choose to hurt or to heal, to give or to receive, to cure or to wound. Its all up to you. Life is beautiful! :)

Monday, September 19, 2011

Strong women vs Women of strength....Which one are you?

A strong woman works out every day,
Pride in her appearance she portrays,
But a woman of strength kneels to pray,
Her soul in shape, God leading the way.

A strong woman claims she isn't afraid of anything,
Looking forward to challenges each day will bring,
Women of strength show courage in the midst of fear,
Declaring triumph through faith because God is near.

Strong women won't let anyone get the best of them,
So skilled in defenses even if they have to pretend,
Yet a woman of strength gives her best to everyone,
And even on a cloud filled day still bright as the sun.

A strong woman relies on the physical attributes making her tough,
In her search for power and money she will never have enough,
A woman of strength understands that it’s not about material stuff,
Knowing that before becoming a diamond first she’ll be in the rough.

A strong woman sometimes disguises her feelings shadowed by clouds,
Unhinged when challenged on her policy becoming boisterous and loud,
A woman of strength concerns herself not with judgment from others,
And will not let business interfere with commitments as a wife and mother.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same for tomorrow,
Refusing to take time looking back with reverence and Godly sorrow,
The woman of strength realizes life's mistakes no matter how slim,
While thanking God for the blessings as she capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks head first with no doubt in her mind,
No matter what, she’ll not make this mistake a second time,
But a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls,
So when a situation arises again, she’s not afraid to answer the call.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face,
Always doing whatever it takes to finish, seeking only first place,
The woman of strength competes with an emotional sense of grace,
Understanding it’s more important to run a Holy Spirit filled race.

A strong woman has faith that for the journey she’ll have enough,
No matter how uneven the terrain or roads being rocky and rough,
A woman of strength knows it’s in the journey she will become strong,
And the love of God is forever with her, no matter how difficult or long.

A strong woman when uninformed thinks that she is being mistreated,
In the end her physical attributes fail causing doubt to become seeded,
A woman of strength will compromise as a little give and take is needed,
Why? Because a lesson not learned the first time is soon to be repeated.

Ladies start everyday on your knees with supplication & prayer,
Trust and believe that God will always get you from here to there,
And should your giant steps seem to be moving only inch by inch,
The journey is not as A Strong Woman but A Woman Of Strength.

Imagine how tough women have to be not just bearing and raising their child,
While at the same time many have to control their spouse from running wild,
A single or married mom with a tight knit family that’s united for any length,
Not so much from a Strong Woman as it is through, “A Woman Of Strength.”

Sunday, September 18, 2011

*thinking hard*

"A woman is like a tea bag, you can not tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water"

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Grudges? Neh...I'd rather be happy..:)

On this beautiful day, before I step out to run some errands, let me talk to you about an issue that has been in my mind for a few days now. Forgiveness and grudges. I have no idea where to start but let me try put it down in words for you.

Why should we let go of grudges? Why should we forgive and forget? Whoever came up with that saying in the first place? When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment, thoughts of revenge-or you can simply embrace forgiveness and move on. It's that simple. To me, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that lets you move on with life. Who am I to judge another child of GOD right? He/she is responsible for his/her mistakes, wrongdoings, however you may put it. I am not the one to judge and I should not too.
Holding grudges equals to living your life in rewind. It hurts, and its not worth it.

So, why don't you let go of a grudge today? Close your eyes, take a deep breath and let it all go. It will feel way better, trust me!

And, i don't.

Friday, September 16, 2011

What is beauty anyway? :)

I want you to do something for me. Close your eyes and imagine what beauty looks like. What is beautiful? How do you define beautiful? Is it that young girl with the perfect features, long hair, radiant skin? Or that tall, dark and handsome man? What is beautiful to you?

I define beauty as the person with the heart that goes out to those in need, the eyes that cry for someone they don't even know, the hands that reach out to help others, the soul that puts another before themselves. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are on the outside, what matters is how beautiful you are on the inside. Outer beauty is something you are born with, while inner beauty is a gift to yourself.

If I gave you a perfect white rose and a withered, dry white rose, which one would you pick? Would you even consider picking the withered dry rose? I would. Simply because it is inspiring to see the beauty of the rose that has lived life fully and died. And, lets not forget, the perfect one would wither and die one day too. So, always remember, what you are when you are just being yourself—that is beauty in the true sense. Who cares if people say you are not beautiful? You know who you are on the inside, and thats all that matters.

Beauty comes with believing! If you believe you are beautiful, then you are!

How beautiful is the Belief, when we belief in the God
How beautiful are the Creatures, when we belief in the Creator
How beautiful is the Motherhood, when we belief in the Sacrifices
How beautiful is the Fatherhood, when we belief in the Battles
How beautiful is the Childhood, when we belief in the Innocence

How beautiful is the Dream, when we belief in the Ambition
How beautiful is the Contentment, when we belief in the Simplicity
How beautiful is the Life, when we belief in the dead
How beautiful is the Love, when we belief in the Care
How beautiful is the Happiness, when we belief in the Sadness
How beautiful is the Relationships, when we belief in the Tender

How beautiful is the Fruit, when we belief in the Farming
How beautiful is the Confidence, when we belief in Our self
How beautiful is the Beauty, when we belief in Our eyes
How beautiful is the World, when we belief in Peace
How beautiful is the Friendship, when we belief in Brotherhood
How beautiful is the Marriage, when we belief in Sharing
How beautiful is the World, when we belief in the Peace

Mohammed Khamis AlBalushi

What are you scared of?

There is this thing that I love to do. I love to ask situational/random questions! I love hearing to the answers people give. It's really funny to know how much we differ from one another in the way we think. So, today, since I don't have anyone with me here now to ask random questions, I shall tell you, my dear readers random things about me. :)
Today's topic would be on fear. We all have fear in us. Let me tell you what I'm really afraid of.
1)Heights. I'm so so scared of heights. I can't even stand in the top floor of my institute without this fear that I'll fall off! Its really scary to look down. Whenever I look down from a really tall building, I always feel like there is this magnetic force that is pulling me towards it. You know. Like I'm being lured or something. I have this fear that I'll die. My heart starts raising and I'll start feeling dizzy.
2)Darkness. I'm scared of the dark. I mean I can handle switching off the lights in the night and walking to my bed but i really cant walk into a dark room or place all by myself.
3) Ghosts. Ok. I know what you are thinking. Ghosts don't exist and all. Well, I'm not in the position to argue on the topic of their existence but I'll just admit that I'd probably be the first one to faint if I ever see one. And, that would probably explain my fear of darkness. :)
Anyway, its quite fun to have all this fears in me. Reminds me that I'm only human and I should not expect to be perfect. So, I'm celebrating my fears and if you ask me, I never want to conquer my fears. They make my life more colourful indeed! And, here is a list of really funny phobias that I found online.

Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Basophobia or Basiphobia- Inability to stand. Fear of walking or falling.
Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Consecotaleophobia- Fear of chopsticks.
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
Eosophobia- Fear of dawn or daylight.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility.
Hypnophobia- Fear of sleep or of being hypnotized.
Optophobia- Fear of opening one's eyes.
Soceraphobia- Fear of parents-in-law.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Finally Mr. Thursday is here!

Haaaaaaaiiiizzzz.....this week would most probably a week i would remember forever. My dad has this habit of reading out for us our horoscopes from the tamil paper and as such he read out mine last Sunday. Now, I'm not the kinda person that is going to deny the power of astrologers, mind readers, magic potions, bla bla...i just...well..i just believe in some things and don't in others. I think its fun to "know" the future but no one can really tell you what the future holds and you can never plan how you would like your life to be like too. I believe that life is suppose to be spontaneous. I believe in doing things because I want to, not because I'm supposed to. There is a difference, trust me. Anyway, whoever wrote the horoscope predicted that I'd be having a very very rough week. A week in which everything goes wrong. A week that really pushes me to my limits. And, you know what I did when I heard that? I laughed! I really laughed! I thought, I have everything in it's place...what could possibly go wrong? And boom! It happened. Everything went wrong. Day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.
I went through a lot this week and I'm still coping. I had to submit 3 assignments, sit for a Phonology test that did not give me much time to prepare, in between of lectures and tutorials and dealing with stuffs at was just a lot. And doing all those with a flooded mind and soul made it worse. It's hard to open up to people and say all that i feel. It feels like I'm walking on a road that is scattered with thorns, broken mirrors, and sharp needles , bare-footed. But you know whats the best part of being broken? In the process of fixing yourself, you find out what an amazing person you are!:)
Anyway, after such a miserable week, i'm looking forward to a blissful weekend at far away land,( well..not really far..but still). 3 days of curing myself both physically and emotionally! Lots of love, care, food and sleep. I ain't complaining! :)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

3 months and I'm so proud!

Yihaa. Wokay, before I start ranting, you have to congratulate me first. You have to pat me on the back and tell me I did good! And, why you ask? Read on. :)
Today marks three whole months of me being a pure vegetarian and I'm so proud of this life choice that I made. I started off due to the fact that my dad got ill and i prayed hard. I turned vegetarian to be closer to GOD and somewhere along the way, I realised it is in me to not eat another living soul.I took a decision to turn vegetarian and I'm so proud to have kept it up. I have an entire life time to look forward to this beautiful life i have chosen to be in. :)

Monday, September 12, 2011

-I'm moving on with pride!-

I feel like there is this knife that is stabbed into my heart and I wont ever forget how it feels tonight. How it feels to finally know the truth. Once and for all. I'm static and loss for words. I wiped away the tears that fell because you do not deserve it. You do not deserve me.
I'm moving on after lots of stumbling, lots of hope and lots of prayers. I'm moving on, stomping my feet and not looking back. I fell for what I thought you were but I now know who you really are. I'm hurt beyond words, and that's just something you will never understand. And i don't deserve to be hurt. I don't deserve to be in pain.
I'm so angry, so angry at what I have become because of you. Thats the thing about girls like me, we are nice to everyone, even those that hurt us, but when we find out how much lies people like you have shown us, we can bundle up every single emotion in the world, throw it in the far end of the sea, shake off the hurt, look up with a smile and walk away with pride. And, thats what I'm doing tonight. I am throwing away all that I have ever felt for you. I'm throwing away the memories, the dreams, everything related to you. I'm not going to fall back. I am a girl with pride. After all that you have said...after how much i trusted you..after everything...
I have finally found the courage to walk away..walk very far away from you.
I'm done with all this! Done!
"Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him".

Sunday, September 11, 2011


I stare at this blank sheet and I don't know what to write. I look for words and its as though none is left. Time heals all wounds. And, I rest my case.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Here comes Sunday!

A big olla to the world! O..kay..I know what you are thinking. Why am I so excited and happy on a Sunday right? Well, I am a teeny weeny bit excited to go back to college. I really really miss my friends, I miss our late night tea sessions, hunting for dinner with Bagya, love advices with Hema and Reshmi. Ah, not forgetting. Not letting Ashwinni sleep by talking non-stop. Hahaha. Who would have thought I would have so nice friends/housemates this semester? I'm honestly blessed. *touchwood*
However, no matter what I may say, I'm still going to miss home this 5 days that I'm not here. I'm still going to call my mum up 10 times a day just to crap and I'm still going to run back home right after class on Friday. Well, this week I'll be back on Thursday! Still, the point is that, I love home! I love this people so much! I love cooking with mum, I love spoiling Dino and Ruby, I love arguing with dad, I love sleeping in the hall, I love just everything about home! I guess thats what happens when you have a very small family like mine. :)
Anyway, let me just say this. No matter what happens in life, you should know that no one can love you more than your family does. That's life. :)
Ps: I sound so childish nowadays kan? :)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

From earth to heaven..:)

Dear God,
I extend my hand, open up my soul, bend on my knees and thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I thank you for being there for me when I was lost. For pulling me back when I was about to fall. For giving me people with such beautiful heart that helped me get back to my feet. I thank you for proving to me that i'm always your child. That you will never ever watch me cry and do nothing. That you are there for me every step of the way. I thank you for all the problems, situations and pain. They taught me to hold on. Your little tests made me a strong person. I am who I am today because of all that has happened this past 2 years. The hospitals, the medicines, the tears, the responsibilities, and just about everything. It's a long way to go. I know that and I don't deny how much life has changed. But, you need to lose your way in order to find yourself. I am blessed with so much more in life then what I don't have. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the pain. And simply, thank you for being there for me.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

If you are in love, read this...:)

Dear girls out there,

You wont be his first, his last or his only. He has loved before and he will love again. But if he loves you now, what else matters? He is not perfect and neither are you and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he makes you laugh.... at least once, causes you to think twice, and admits to being human and making mistakes..hold on to him! And give him all you have got! He is not going to quote poetry, and he is not going to be thinking of you every second, every moment. But he will give you a part of you that he knows you can break, the most important part, his heart!
So, don't hurt him and don't change him. Don't expect too much from him! Smile when he makes you happy and cry..cry loudly when he makes you sad and miss him..miss him dearly when he is not there!
But most importantly, love him for who he is. He is worth that much.
Always remember to love him when he least deserves it, because that is when he really needs it! :)

Monday, September 5, 2011

Day 2 & im switched off! :(

Okay. So here I am. In the library of SK (P) Methodist Klang. I for once never thought that I'd be online during SBE updating my blog. My last SBE left me in tears when I had to part ways with my beloved students, and my mentor, an extraordinary lady, Pn. Saras. I was touched in ways i never thought was possible. Hence, when the topic S.B.E came out for the second time in this new semester I practically jumped high and low, screamed at the top of my lungs and texted everyone to tell them that I'm going for another SBE. Another time of my life. Haiz...If only I felt the same right now..typing this out.
I never thought this school would be this quiet. Not my style. Im more of a laid back teacher. A teacher who allows her students to go crazy and the type that goes crazy with them as well. I miss my S.K.T.P students who were like that. Students who were just happy with us being around them. The type of students that hugged me when we left, the ones that told me they had pretty cool coloured lenses at home, the ones that loved us for who we were. Love them to bits as well.
But here, things are so darn different. Things here are far from what I expected it to be. Students are drilled into machines and yes, they move around like robots. Do things that the teachers say they should, never wishes us as we walk by (probably cause we r not their teachers), and the teachers treat us like crap! Honestly. Its so hard to find a senior teacher that actually likes us. I never ever thought I'd be in this situation. I wanted it to be a perfect experience that I'd be talking about in the future. Haiz. If only.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

One hellofaraya break!

This one week of raya break has been a roller coaster ride. I have laughed a lot, cried a lot and just about lived life truly. I have learnt how it feels when someone says no, how it feels to break the rules and come back home late, how it feels to completely act crazy, and just about how it feels to laugh and cry from within. From the soul.
I thank God for the lessons I have learnt throughout this process and I am proud of myself for not losing focus. For staying put. I am happy and thats all that matters. :)

When my heart whispers....:(

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Heart n Soul

The tough thing about following you heart is that people forget to mention that sometimes the heart takes you to places you shouldn't be. Places that are scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring. Sometimes your heart cannot take you to places that lead to happy ending. That's not even the difficult part; the difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal; you go into the unknown and once you do you can never go back.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

What happens when the moon goes up

You know. I'm pretty good at pretending to be someone i'm not no matter how much it kills me on the inside to do this. But i absolutely hate the fact that when the moon goes up, and the day turns to night and it gets quieter and lonelier, im back to where i am. I am back to being who i m. N i absolutely hate the fact that im writing this entry now. But, this is what i feel like doing and i always follow my heart and not my mind. So, here i m. Issue to deal with? How do you turn time? If i had a magic grandfather clock, ill turn time to the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011. I'll turn time. I honestly will. Maybe then i'll escape all this hurt. All these shit im gng thru. Ill tell myself to watch out. Ill watch my every step.
Closely. But hey, life is meant to be unpredictable right? So, im honestly not regretting everything that happened. Im just wishing life was different. But, i bow to time. I know its not different. I noe everything happens for a reason. So, the worst part is finding for the reason. Ill find it, eventually.

Falling in love is like standing on a diving board waiting to jump; whether you live or die depends upon one fact- Is there water in the pool or just your mind telling you the water is there because your eyes are closed?