Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A glimpse into my 2011..:)

With the year ending, I have decided to list down a few memories that I'd forever treasure. But then again, there are memories that are too painful to relive as well. Anyway, sometimes you just have to put the past behind and move on with life. And I have lived through enough to know that life always moves on.
The most that I remember about 2011 is how much I have learnt about people. I have been blessed enough to get to know how much people can change in just a matter of seconds. But in saying that, I do not deny that I have changed as well. Time has made me a wiser person. I thank 2011 for that lesson learnt.
I have had excellent people, shoulders to lean on. I have hit rock bottom a few times this year but they kept me going. Let me name them for you. The first would be a roommate that I thought will never get along with me, but ended up being my best friend, being there for me through it all, Bagya! Bagya, if you are reading this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the times I was silly and you kept me sane. If it was not for you, I would have sunk into a deep depression. Lets stay friends for live k? *touchwood*
The next would be my very practical sister in college, Kak Nab. If you need someone to tell you what to do when you don't know what to do, then she is the person. She is an amazing person and I have been blessed to have had known her. She tells you things as it is. No sugar-coatedness. Life with her is unscripted and that is how things should be. Love her to bits!
The next thing I learnt in 2011 is to be random! Randomness took a huge part of my life. I was random and I loved every second of it. The way I see it, I might have done things that are too embarrassing, but I do not regret any part of it. I feel free! I feel happy!
And with that, in 2011, somewhere along the way, I opened up my heart for the very first time and I got it broken. But, no worries. I'm healed. I'm healed in a way I never thought I would. I learnt that things don't necessarily go your way, but its okay because God has better plans. I'm healed and I'm proud of myself.
I have met so many wonderful people in 2011 that I promise you I would tell you all about very soon. I will write a very long post to sum up my 2011. For now, I am wishing for miracles to happen as I welcome in 2012.
Will 2012 be a better year for me? I guess time will tell.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Evening ramble on a humid day.

If you asked me how I feel right now, I'd say that i'm exhausted, tired and I feel as though I have the entire weight of the world on my shoulders. And that reminds me of something I forgot to tell you. Recently an astrologer told my mum that I am a person who thinks too much. I put my head into things I shouldn't worry about. He said that it's not like I have to worry but I worry. I looked at him and thought, "You have no idea what you are saying". But ya, I admit that he did get my personality laid out. Well, not all of it. But ya. Anyway, my point is that I feel lost.
Well, don't get me wrong. I'm not weak. I mean, I can handle life. But..I just...Well, at times, there is just so much that a person can take. I know complaining doesn't take you anywhere. And I know that I should be positive about things.I mean, if you read this blog often, you know how positive I am. But, at times, amidst all that positivity and all that courage, I can't help but ask, "Why me?" or "How much more?" This past week has had me thinking of life in general.
Like the other day, when I was in the clinic, I saw a hourglass on the doctor's table. And then I remembered a quotation I read once. "Life is like an hourglass. You hit rock bottom and then you just have to wait around for someone to come turn it around" And I laughed. I mean, my life would be a perfect example of an hourglass. Let me explain.
It's true. You hit rock bottom, wait for someone to come turn your life around and then what happens? You hit rock bottom again! And the process continues. Is that what life was meant to be. I d know that I am one of the luckiest girls on earth for I have food to eat, a place to stay and clothes on my back. I am far better off than milions of girls in other corners of earth that don't even have that. I am not abused. I have an education. I have a family that loves me.
But ya. At times, things just get so hard. Like I think of the future and I all I have are questions. One thing at once. That's the way I am living right now. But ya. I guess, if life was a game, I really feel like I am losing right now. And, I know I hate losing. So, what am I to do?
Anyway, I just felt like writing. I felt like getting things outta my system.

Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Stay blessed people! :)

Saturday, December 24, 2011

A silent cry.

And it is as such that with clasped hands, and a strong front, fighting the warm tears that threaten to gush down, I made a decision. All that ran in my head was "What am I to do when I don't know what to do?". I hoped someone would magically appear right then, hold my hands and tell me its ok. It's alright for they would make that decision for me. That they would take care of things. But I turned to see faces looking at my own. With a raised impatient look, people started questioning. I was already broken into pieces when I said, "I think we'll do as you said". And I knew I would have to live with that sin for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter how much I cried afterwards. Nothing would wash me of the regret of not being able to care for that stray puppy. He looked into my eyes and I turned away, refusing to meet his pity gaze. I knew then that even he was mocking me for my inability to make a simple decision. But, how do you decide when you know either way he is going to be alone.?Was I the only one who thought loneliness hurts? Was I the only one who believed that you always need someone to survive on in life? I walked into my room, shut the door and sobbed into my pillow. I looked at my own Ruby and Dino and knew that I would die the very next second if anything at all should happen to them. Why did God create animals if they are not able to fend for themselves?

Friday, December 16, 2011

Your life, your rules.

Maybe that's how life works. Before you realise it, everything you knew and loved has been cruelly taken away from you. The life you lived in, the people you knew, the emotions you felt...Maybe that's how life works after all. How much do we mature with every experiences in life depends on how much we allow ourselves to hurt and bear the pain that follows. Changes are not good. Changes hurt. Changes make you weep. Changes rip away all that you know off. But changes make you a tiny bit stronger. And that is what we all need to hold on to. The fact that there is still another tomorrow shows that life doesn't wait for anyone. It doesn't stop to feel your pain or to grieve with you. No one will understand you. No one will feel the exact same pain that you feel. So, its up to you to pick yourself up, shrug off the pain, wipe away the tears, take a deep breath and put a foot forward. You are unanswerable to anyone but yourself. And that is how life works. Your life, your rules.

Mojo, I so need you!

It is ironic how much I have in my heart and mind that deserves to have a spot in this blog and yet I can't seem to find the spirit or soul to write. Yada yada yada. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm a firm believer that you can never write unless you have the passion to do so. Hence, I have left my darling blog( I should so name my blog) unattended for a few days. I know i know. That is so not me right? But ya, things happen. Anyway, lets not go there. I guess what I wanna say today is that I have lost my "mojo" to write. And ya, it kills me to say that, but as you know...I won't write anything until I find my mojo back. So, help me ya. :)
Mojo, come back to me!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A walk to finding true love

It is surprising how much I tear whenever I watch "A walk to remember". And that is precisely why I told myself to skip that particular movie. A couple of days ago I got into a movie spree due to the fact that I can't sleep. Hence, I watched every single movie that was on my sister's external drive. And when I ran out of movies, I had no choice but to watch "A walk to remember". Now, I know many of you would be wondering why not watch that movie since I am after all a huge fan of romance and everything to do with it. Well, that movie is very special to me because it is the movie that taught me what love is all about. And it is miraculous how I stumble upon that particular story of Jamie and Landon whenever I see my entire faith in love being shaken. It is indeed a miracle.
So, what is Love to me? Well, it is an answer I am yet to know. And I like it that way.

“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and it is not resentful.”
― A Walk to Remember

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Welcome to the family, Lady! :)

Good afternoon world! It is currently 2.47 p.m. I have my dear daughter Ruby sitting next to me looking at my laptop screen attentively. I guess she really likes seeing the stuffs people post on Facebook. Dino, my boy is fast asleep in the room. Well, what can I say? He loves to sleep! Anyway, I was bored and decided to tap a little...you know...keep my blog alive so that it doesn't get forgotten in the long run. So, voila! Here I am!
Today, let me rant about Lady! Oookay...I hear you. You have no idea who Lady is right? Well, a couple of days ago, I had a huge, huge crush on roses. I have no idea how on earth it happened and soon I had my head wrapped around the idea of owning a rose plant. Now, let me warn you. I never liked gardening before despite my mutual respect and love for the environment and everything green. Nevertheless, mum and dad loves looking after their plants, and when I said I wanted a rose plant, they were fine with it. And soon started my journey to find the perfect rose plant.
It wasn't easy. I made my dad and mum follow me into so many different shops before I settled on a rose plant. The reason was simple. I had to feel connected with the plant. I wanted to hear it speak to me. Oh yes, before you ask, my mum said that I was crazy and dad just laughed at the way I described how a plant should be like. Anyway, I soon found my perfect rose plant!
So, there you have it. She is Lady. I named her because...well, everything and everyone should have a name! Or so I believe. Oh ya, Lady was kind enough to bear me a flower the very next day. And guess what, it is orange! Yes, I have a rose plant that bears orange flowers! Yihaa! Can you hear that? I'm happy!

Welcome to the family, Lady! We all love you!

Monday, December 5, 2011

-Faith unanswered-

When you yell into the darkness and feel nothing but silence,
How do you tell yourself that it's ok to be not heard?
When you look into the mirror and see a fragile self,
How do you tell yourself that you are strong enough to ward it all off?
When you feel this unexplainable burden and a sinking heart,
How do you tell yourself to shrug it off and move on?
When you feel this chain on your sanity,
How do you sing to the daily tune of life?
When you collapse into a "alone" world where perfectness reigns,
How do you step back into reality?
When you feel so wrong to feel so right,
How do you put on a mask and cover your wounds?
When you feel your faith shaking and no where to turn,
Is it fair to not believe He is there?

~Raevarthy, 5th December 2011~

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Waking up to the me I love...:)

It is indeed a beautiful morning! There you go! I have said it! I know how much I have not been myself lately and yes, I know I have lost the whole "positive attitude", "bright outlook" I had on life. Well, you need to lose yourself in order to find yourself. Oookay...I shall not confuse you on a beautiful day. My point is, being who I am, let me say this after such a long time. I am happy! I am looking forward to spending the rest of the day with less anger, agitation, frown and more smile, laughter, love and care. I am happy this very second and that is all that matters. Life is too short to spend waking up with regrets and trust me I have had countless, sleepless nights doing just about that lately. So, today on this 4th of December, I am making a promise to myself to spend the rest of the day being the Raevarthy I like and love. You have a problem with that? Well, my friend, I was not put on this earth to please anyone. So, move along. Here's to the me I love!

Can a girl and a guy be "just best friends"? :)

I still remember my last post on gender inequality. It was not exactly gender inequality but something to do with it. I wrote on gentlemen and their ways. I received lots of comments on that particular post. Although most of my girl's were happy with that post, some men disagreed. And I did say that I'd write a sequel to it. But ya, as you know, life got on its way and yadaa yadaa yadaa...stuffs happened and I couldn't bring myself to write on that. In fact, I still can't. So, keeping that in mind for the distant future, let me talk to you today about another famous gender issue.
My mum and I were randomly talking when I asked her, "Mum, do you think a girl and a guy can be just close friends and not fall for one another?". At first she stared at me, then laughed and then said, "No. Somehow someone will have feelings for the other person". And it got me thinking. Why is it that a girl and a guy can never be "just best friends"? I mean, I have seen it happen in movies, novels and erm...ya, in real life too. They will be close friends, too close in fact...have that unbreakable bond and suddenly out of the blue one will fall for the other. So ya, I'm asking this today. Why is it that the male and female can never be just best friends?
Okay. If my assumption is right, half of you readers would probably be disagreeing right about now. But, let me tell you this. I have never..NEVER seen a guy and a girl be just best friends. And even if they are, the girl would treat the guy as her brother and he, in return would treat her as a sister. In fact, they will be quick to announce to the world that they are "brothers and sisters". Why do they do that? Seriously. Why? Why don't you just say..."You know what, we are best friends!" Now now now. I'm talking about real best friends here. The kinda best friend relationship in which one knows ALL and EVERYTHING about the other person. Is it possible to be just best friends and not fall for one another? Tell me!
If you asked me, I'd say yes. It is possible to be "just best friends". It is possible to be close to a guy and not fall for that person. And it is possible, even if both of you are single. Fine, I may have never had a "best friend" who happens to be a guy and hence, should shut up. But ya, I am a person who finds it difficult to open up to someone if I'm not close to them. And I'm not exactly the one who hangs out with guys, so I'm an exception. But ya. If I happen to get close to a guy, with no feelings attached...and somehow he ends up being my best friend, I'll show you people that a girl and a guy can be "just best friends"! It is possible people! A girl and a guy can be "just best friends"!

Ps: This is what happens when you watch too many romantic movies!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Happy 20th darl!

Have you ever looked at a friend and thought, "How did I end up having a friend like her?". I do it 99% of the time i'm in college. You know how people tell you college is scary and all? Well, it is. And sometimes, it is beyond scary. But then again, if you are lucky enough, someone would walk into your life and stay right beside you through all the scariness and through all the intricacies that follow the life of a college student. So, the million dollar question is, how do one find a friend as such? Well, you don't. There is only one such person on earth and well, she is taken! By me!
Here is a little teet-a-teet on her!
She is a person that wakes up in the morning with a very very blur face and always, trust me, always with a frown. She doesn't talk much, doesn't greet you and practically makes you feel like an intruder in the mornings! And then, in goes some breakfast and she starts yapping. Yapping and yapping non-stop for the whole day! But I like it!
Her most special trait would be the way she stands up to her rights and what she believes in. She never lets anyone take her for granted and that's an admirable quality for a girl.
She loves to act like a child. With the cute little faces and voices that she makes, it's impossible to say no to her.
So, why is she so special?
Well, she is extremely special to me because she has been the kinda friend you see in movies and read about in novels. The one that everyone needs. She has been there for me more than once and she knows me more than anyone else. I still do not know why she does the things she does for me. All I can say is that I'm so blessed to have her in my life.
So, my dear Bagyashree Superamani, Happy 20th birthday! I love you so much and I'm really sorry that I can't see you today. I know I was supposed to come and give you a big hug today. But ya, life sucks at times. Sorry?
Here's a big virtual hug and kiss from me to you!

These simple words are heartfelt
from the start right to the end
to show how much it truly means
to have you for a friend
if ever I need anything
you're someone I can call
kindness, warmth and honestly
it's true you have it all

You are a special friend
the kind that I will try to be
you're someone that I treasure
who means all the world to me

And may this happy birthday
be your very best by far
one that celebrates
how truly wonderful you are

Love you darl! Wish you loads of love for the upcoming years!