Keeping the hopes lighted...:)

I spend last night twisting, turning and trying very hard to fall asleep and yet I failed. So, I got fed up with trying that I got off my bed at 5.40, mixed myself a hot cup of coffee and let my mind drift off to where it wanted to go. I thought of how happy things used to be, then I thought of how happy I am now, and the pain subsided a teeny weeny bit. But there is this thing in me that bites wen I least expect it to. I mean, Ive got to ask this. Is material possession really way better than values? What if you had a person with you, but the person is not whom you have known for your entire life? How if time, circumstances and events really take away someone you have loved and replace it with someone you barely know? I know I am not making much sense here, but I have always found myself questioning the universe and how it works. So, I am asking. Is it wrong to want back what I had? But then again, do I really want back what I had? That is one answer I will never know. Maybe life was meant to be hard in order to be happy. Life has such a funny way of reminding me where I stand and where I should go. Don't I just hate life for that!

12 things all guys should know when it comes to girls!

My friends tell me all the time on how thew wish guys knew all that they want them to. The thing is, us girls, we really like guys to know how we feel and what we want without us having the need to explain, no matter how unfair that sounds. We like to feel special, like nothing else matters to you guys except us and as such, we would want you to take the initiative and really understand our needs, expectations, and fears. Alright, guys, I know that you are not psychic too. So, I read a few articles online and I compiled a list for you guys! The 12 things we wish you guys knew!

1) Girls need to hear how you feel about them. Often. Tell them.

2) Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.

3) DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

4) NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5) Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

6) If you're talking to a female friend of yours, PULL YOUR girlfriend closer.

7) You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

8) Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

9) If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

10) Girls like it when you play with their hair.

11) When you play games always let her win.

12) And us girls really just want to feel special. If you love us, we will love you more!

:'(

I hate this. I really hate this. I hate how perfectly good you make me think you are there for me and then you leave me gasping for air. I look at you and I don't feel you. Where are you GOD? Where are you when I need you? Where are you to tell me it's k, I am here. Where are you? Maybe keeping hopes and having them crushed is what my whole life is going to be about. I don't want to lose her. You have to understand that GOD! You do, don't you?

Oh ya, I am healthy! :)

Remember when I told you that I had my blood drawn out for the very first time last week? Well, I got the results of that blood test today. It is not like it wasn't ready. It was me who wasn't ready. I mean, I have been through enough to know that life changes when you least expect it to. Hence, I was worried that I would end up with a life threatening disease or something was wrong with me and I had to go on any medication or anything. You know me. I get myself worked out with my ridiculous worries at times.
Anyway, my mum practically dragged me over to see the doctor just now and I entered the clinic with a very confused mind. I had all these images running in my head and frankly, I was worried. My name was called and I took a deep breath and sat next to the doctor who immediately asked me whats wrong with me as I was not the usual cheery, "Hai doctor" girl. (He knows me for more than 12 years now, so ya,). I asked him if something was wrong with me and he started laughing. He told me that I had excellent scores on the blood test. My sugar level was low, well, its better to be low than high and I had nothing wrong with me! Can you imagine that? I was so excited that I grabbed the paper from him and started jumping away! I did my happy dance, turned to both my parents and said, "There you go! No more dun be a vegetarian raevarthy!" Yeap, they still think its not healthy for me.
Anyway, that was enough of a reason for me to smile and I mean, I'm just really happy. It's not like I won't fall sick tomorrow or anything. I might. I mean, who knows right? So ya. I guess what I am saying is that I am happy to know that I am healthy today and I shall live contentedly today, not worried of what the future might bring. When the future becomes the present, I shall do the same too.

Age is but a number...Really????

I had less than 6 hours of sleep last night, and I do not feel sleepy. I guess I should really knock myself for waking up at 8 and then not having anything to do. Sure, I have got notes to sort out, I suppose I could help with the cooking and cleaning, and ya, the television is still there. But, here I am, with a hot mug of coffee, trying to figure out why I'm growing old so fast. Right, that did make me sound like I'm having a mid-life crisis. But, what am I suppose to do? I feel old. Or more so, that I feel I'm growing old too fast.
I'll be turning 21 in less than a month. 21 is a huge number. I remember being little and attending all those grand 21st birthdays that people had and wanting to grow up so badly so that I could have my own grand one. I wanted the big cake, huge row of food, and lots of people at my own. Well, then I grew up and now I feel birthdays are meant to be celebrated with the ones that you love and whom that love you in return. So ya, I think I'd skip the cake, the food and definitely the part of celebrating it with a huge crowd.
I had a good one last year. I ordered a cake that I loved, fought with the cashier and got myself 20 candles, made sure he squeezed Dino's name next to mine on the cake, and I jumped and laughed and had the best time of all. And of course last year, he was there with me. He told me I looked beautiful in my traditional punjabi and he got me a pink purse that I still hug whenever I miss him. And no matter how many pictures I have, it still does not replace him. It was not supposed to end this way. I always expected him to be there for me forever. Knowing that he wanted to do something special for me this birthday, hurts even more. But then, it turned out that God loved him more and he took him away too soon, too fast. Either way, I still can't find the courage to face the 18th February yet.
So ya, I am turning 21 on the 18th. Am I any different? Well, I looked at myself in the mirror today and I could see a huge difference. I am no longer the carefree 13 year old who had her entire life laid out for her. Now, I have to make decisions, I have to be grown-up. Ya, that did not sound good. We all know how I am driven by my heart, not mind.
Anyway, feeling old is one thing but to have people look at you from a different perspective really makes things worse. My mum and I ran into one of her old friends at the temple last week. Mind you, I never knew this lady existed. She looked at me and gushed on how much I had grown. The age old phrase, "I remember you as this tiny girl and now you are all grown-up". Ya. What does one do at those situations, tell me. I gave her one of my winning smiles and she just had to ask my mum how old I was. I knew where it was going so I walked off. Honestly, I can't stand another person who starts asking when on earth I was getting married. I'm barely 21 people! Get over the fact that some people just don't like to be married off young.
And speaking of being old, I thought of doing something drastic as a change this time around. I mean, I have read tons of magazines that said that your hair might make you look old. So, I contemplated chopping off my long hair that is just to my waist. I always do something different for my birthday. Last year, I started wearing contact lenses. But then again, I mentioned it to one of my guy friends and he looked at me in horror. He said that we girls did not know what on earth we were doing and that guys really like girls with long hair. I told him to get his facts straightened, but ya, it could be true after all. So being single, and knowing that I am indeed growing old, and watching people I have grown up with settle down, maybe I should keep my hair after all.
Then I wondered on whether I should get my nose pierced. I really like it on other people. I mean Bagya looks really pretty with it. And she told me I'd look pretty too. But ya, you know my level of pain tolerance. I'd probably chew off the hands of whoever who did it. And I really like not having anything on my face. Anything metal that is.
So, ya, maybe the whole idea of growing old scares me. But I know that I can never stay young forever. It is time I went out, had dates, tried something out of my comfy zone like bungee jumping or even horseback riding and just had fun. Life never waits for anyone right?

Ps: Still contemplating on the hair part. Maybe I'd look cooler with a short boy crop. Ooookay..Now, that so doesn't sound like me!

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I would really like to wake up one day and see that the world has changed. There are no more people who take advantage of others, no more hate, no more stray animals, no more animal slaughtering or even abuse, no more cries, arguments...no more fear. Pretty extreme huh?
It is funny how in this one tiny earth, we have so many problems! I mean, let's not go far. How about in Malaysia itself? Murder happens, robbery happens, girls are raped, people are cheated on, and bla bla. You know, I can't help but wonder who's fault is all these? Who do we blame?
I honestly don't have an answer for that. And yes, there are people who say that the world can't be perfect or else GOD won't have any place or duties or even reason to exist. But, how about the ones that actually go through such pain? It is easy for us to blame it on the society, parents or even the individual themselves. But what do we know? We are not the ones that are hit with such agony.
It is only real when it happens to us. *touchwood* I guess, I just don't understand how some people can walk around out there as though nothing happened, while in another corner of the world, there are families that are grieving due to what they did. Sounds confusing huh? Well, I had the worst nightmare ever. I woke up with fear yes, but I still want an answer. Why do bad things happen to good people?

10 random facts on LOVE! :)

It is a beautiful night and I'm sitting here doing nothing (the usual), so I decided to compile a list of my own facts of love. Mind you, it is all taken from the internet but I'm only stating those that I find interesting and somehow agree to. Have fun reading!

1) Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.

2) According to mathematical theory, we should date a dozen people before choosing a long-term partner; that provides the best chance that you'll make a love match.

3) When we get dumped, for a period of time we love the person who rejected us even more.

4) Studies show that men are put off by groups of loud women. If a woman wants to get a date, she should break away from a loud group to give a man a chance to approach her.

5) On average, men around the world marry women who are three years younger than themselves.

6) Women often feel loved when talking face to face with their partner; men, on the other hand, often feel emotionally close when they work, play, or talk side by side.

7) The longer and more deliberate a courtship, the better the prospects for a long marriage. People who have intense, Hollywood-type romances at the beginning are more likely to divorce

8) Scientists suggest that merely staring into another person’s eyes is a strong precursor to love. In an experiment, strangers of the opposite sex were put in a room together for 90 minutes where they talked about intimate details and then stared into each other’s eyes without talking. Many felt a deep attraction for each other, and two married each other six months later.

9) Studies show that if a man meets a woman in a dangerous situation (and vice versa), such as on a trembling bridge, he is more likely to fall in love with her than if he met her in a more mundane setting, such as in an office.

10) A 15-year-long study found that a person’s happiness level before marriage was the best predictor of happiness after marriage. In other words, marriage won’t automatically make one happy

Worrying and wondering.

Today marks the first day of my Chinese New Year break and things are getting on to a slow start. I have made a huge promise to myself that I would concentrate on my assignments and not let them pile up. As such, I have started on them, with help from a few people that is. Nevertheless, at the very start of this sem, I have had this constant fear in me that I would somehow not do well in my education this year and that scares me. I mean, I will never ever compromise with anyone or anything when it comes to my studies. But still, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a tall mountain with nothing to support me and that I would just tumble and fall when I least expect myself to. I know that I have not been the most wisest when it came to choices pertaining my education but I wish to change that. Maybe having this worry in me that I won't do well would push me to do better. I don't know. I guess time answers all sorts of weird questions one might have. I just don't know.

Ps: I had this super cute yet super wrong dream! Should I be happy? :)

My 2012 wishes...:)

Early this year, I put together a collection of my own 2012 wishes. It consisted of images that were circulating all over fb at that time. These are few that I really loved!



















My very own 2012 wishes:

Flowers and all that...:)

I walked past a florist recently. It was a beautiful shop, with amazing lighting, really pretty vases and just all the types of colourful flowers in the world! Okay, if you are wondering how i know...well, I stopped and stared! What am I suppose to do? It's flowers! I love flowers!
Anyway, my point is, how come as much as we love flowers we always end up sending them to people but not to ourselves? Before you start giving me that look, let me explain. I am always going on and on on how you should love yourselves and how much you should always admire who you are despite what people tell you and all. So, I thought of it and it did make sense. How bout go into a florist and get a bouquet of flowers and have it delivered to you? Maybe write a card too. And when the flowers arrive, won't you feel so happy? That smile on your lips or that little twinkle in your eyes..why would you want to depend on someone else to put it there? Do it yourself!
And that being said, I want to do it too. But I told my mum and she said that I was mad. She said that if I wanted flowers, I should go get the flowers. What's the point of going through the hassle of having them delivered and so on? But she did not understand that it was not just the flowers that I wanted. I wanted the thrill of having flowers delivered to me as the rest watched. I wanted the element of surprise. I wanted to feel special.
Anyway, everyone likes receiving flowers. Especially girls! So why don't you go pick up some flowers and have them delivered to someone special today? And people, in case you are wondering...hehehehe...my most favourite flowers are sunflowers! But anything would do! :P

Life is fair when you are fair.

Have you seen people who try to put you down for their own good? Have you seen people that would go to miles to prove their points but not listen to you when you try voicing yours? Let me give you a very simple scenario. And let me be clear when i say that this post is not censored whatsoever. So, if you don't like it, well, I don't care!
I have been a part of a "community" for about 3 years plus now and we have had our ups and downs. I mean, im not the kinda person that would mix her professional life with her personal life. Work is work and home is home, or in this case, well, something else. But, what that irks me is how certain individuals seem to be ok to put you down, humiliate you, ignore you and so on, and then get so irritated and frustrated when the same thing happens to them.
OK. Let me keep my emotions in check here so my arguments are fair. Well, it is fairly simple. I fight for my rights. I would work with people I am comfortable with because this is something that involves marks. And that marks contribute to my pointer. And people I am very very cautious when it comes to my pointer. And that being said, if you are about to draw lots, then do so when the entire members are there. Do it fairly so there isn't anyone that is unhappy. And yes, do not take matters into your hands just because there isn't anyone there to tell you what you are doing is wrong.
And then when there is no other way, and when it has to be done over a virtual media, don't start creating a fuss or showing off how angry you are because people if your argument is that you were not there, then isn't that what you did too a few hours ago? Or how about those times that I ended up somewhere without even drawing any lots to where I should be? Explain that please.
Well, whatever it is, I fight for my rights. I have started on my research and yes, I am not budging just because you don't know what fairness is.
Fairness and justice should be fought for if you know what it is in the very first place. If you don't know how to be fair, don't expect other people to be fair to you.
We are grown ups and we know what we are doing is right or wrong. In my most humble opinion, it is way better to have one friend that stays with you through it all, then have 22 who use you for their own good and then stab you when you turn around. Life is fair if you are fair.

I am a proud emotivist! :)

I had an interesting moral lesson today. Well, just the last few minutes. But the thing is, it was fun because it was on our personalities. The lecturer gave us 4 colours to imagine and visualise about and then he told us to choose one that we felt drawn to. The choices were Gold, Blue, Green and Orange. I closed my eyes and I could see a field of paddy and just the sunset and a huge row of sunflowers (my most favourite flower is sunflower btw). So, I went with Orange. He then proceeded to let us know the characteristics of people based on their colour choice. He said that the ones who chose Orange, which happened to be only 5 of us out of a class of 40 students, were happy-go-lucky people. They are not emotional, not ruled by their heart and they know right from wrong. I turned to my 2 close friends and laughed out. We all know that is so not me. I am the one who is ruled by her heart, who gets scared so easily, who tears at sad scene, who rambles when she is stressed and I am the one who is an emotivist! Well, he described all those to the ones who chose Blue. Anyway, I guess what I am saying is it is seriously fun to know how personality tests differ from who you really are. The way I see it, there is no point in taking up such tests because you know yourself better. So, who cares about what some random fellow says?

Holding the guilt of jealousy.

I watched as the young life before me tried his best to satisfy his curiosity. His demand of the world and nature caught my eyes that I couldn't help but extend my hands to lift him from the ground. He looked up at me with a twinkle in his eyes and I noticed his deep set of dimples. He was a heavy child but he seemed to have the capability to move like the wind for he turned and stood up without a tiny hint of unbalancedness in his part. I was amazed. I smiled and blew him a kiss to which he looked away shyly. I liked that about young boys. I like how shy they are when you blow them a kiss. I walked away with a little skip and a smile on my lips. My soul was uplifted by a random toddler who had no idea how complicated the world is. Jealousy hit with a pang of guilt.

Which way should I go?

And it is as such that I love writing when the world sleeps. I love to tap into my emotions when the rest of the world is in lala land. So, let me ask you this today. Have you ever been in a situation in which you close a book only to reopen it a few minutes later to find yourself immersed in a world that you do not want to be in? In simple terms, have you ever tried forgetting things only to be remembered about it when you least expect yourself to be to? It sucks, right?
I do not deny that I am pushing myself into a bubble where I pretend to not know and not care. The things is, I'm pretty good at it. But, it is at those unexpected times that someone says something or someone asks me how I'm doing that I magically go back to where I was. It honestly, is not a good feeling to be remembered of things that caused you too many tears and too many months to heal. It is not good to be in a position that you yourself don't know what to do. I mean, I have looked at it from every single point of view, and I have analysed things thoroughly. But, knowing me, tell me, how do I put my heart away and decide with my head?
It is good to have friends that tell you things as they are and it really is good to be with people that care for you. But, at times, the decision is yours. And I guess my question is, how on earth do you decide?

My very first blood test!

I had a blood test done today. Yes, for the very first time in my life, I had my blood drawn out and yes, I screamed. Fine, I even cried. But, what do you expect me to do? It hurt! I am not joking! Honestly! My family doctor, who knows me since I was nine was really gentle and he told me to trust him. Oh boy, i trusted him but still it hurt like hell! It was really difficult for him to locate my veins and even after he did, and the syringe went through, there was very little blood drawn out. So, I got about half of what a normal test would show. I am not anxious in waiting for the results. I mean, I don't really care. I don't think I'm sick since I don't feel sick. But ya, I know that anything is possible and all.
I have been walking around the house with a swollen right hands and I can't bend my hands. My sister said that i was overreacting and that no one ever died with having taken a blood test. But ya, what does she know? She was not the one who faints when she sees blood. And she certainly was not the one with a hidden vein!
Anyway, the reason I got a blood test done was because I want to look after myself. I want to make sure I am healthy. I mean, I have been neglecting my health and responsibility comes with age. I am turning 21 soon and I should be taking good care of myself.
Hence, to those that have never taken a blood test, please do so soon. You never know when what might happen. So, take good care of yourself. You deserve it.

Ps: Just a heads up warning, it will hurt! Don't let anyone fool you by saying it won't!

Meeting Mr Right.

This one is for my girls who are hurting. You deserve to meet Mr.Right!


People know me as the romantic girl who knows her facts when it comes to love, is driven by her heart, the one that goes "aaaawww" every time someone starts narrating their love story and the one that would instantly be there for you when it comes to love. How did I go from being a girl that wanted her life to go on in par with her age, to the one that still believed in prince charming's at 20?
If I can sum up all that I have learnt about love is that true love is out there somewhere and sometimes we are just too afraid to fall. We are too afraid to let someone else in our lives due to past rejection, due to a bitter break up. Basically we are afraid to fall in love because we are afraid of losing love. But let me ask you this, if happily ever after is what you seek, then shouldn't there be bumps and roadblocks along the way? Cindrella had her life changed by a shoe, Rapunzel by her hair, and Snow White by an apple. So, isn't that how we find love then? We just go about our lives, doing the very thing that makes us,us..and boom! It happens. Is that how we find love?
Love is an essence of who we are. I believe in love because I believe that love is the only emotion that takes us to heights we can never imagine being in. It is the only thing in the world that makes us do things we would never imagine doing. I believe in love because if there was no love in the world, there won't be anything else. I believe in love because I have been hurt and I have been rejected and I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have a love story too.
Love is an emotion. Love is a way of life. But how do you know who you should love? How do you remember that it's okay to want to fall for someone despite the huge wound you have nursed? How do you know how it feels to love again if you have loved and lost?
Sometimes, you have to just close your eyes, wipe away the tears, shake away the regrets, push away the hope and start over. Just remember that you have to kiss so many frogs before meeting Mr.Right. One day someone so perfect will walk into your life and you will look at him and know why it never ever worked out with anyone else. And when that happens, nothing in the world can compare to how beautiful you would feel at that moment. Don't give up hope! Mr. Right is somewhere out there! :)

The 5th day of 2012...:)

First of all, allow me to rectify what I said in my last post. I said that I won't be listing down any of my new year resolutions and I'm here to do just about that. It hit me today, on the 5th day of this new year that I do have a resolution after all.
I want to take good care of myself this year. 2011 had me taking myself for grated. Enough of wanting to change the whole world, enough of caring about other people and enough of not concentrating on myself. I have this thing in me that more often than not, I tend to look out for people, tend to want to be there for people and tend to want to be someone you can lean on. Well, I still want to do all that. But, I want to take good care of myself in this year. I want to do things that don't hurt me. I want to be healthy, and to be happy. If I know that I am deliberately hurting myself due to certain consumption of products or certain habits, I want to stop doing that. I want to watch out for myself. After this, it is me I care about. I care about my health, emotional well-being, my future and my life. Sometimes, it is good to care about the future. It is true that I'm a firm believer in living life a day at once. But, in doing so, I now want to be productive enough so that the future me would love the current me.
So, here it goes, my list of resolutions.
1) Take my meals at the proper hours. No more skipping meals.
2) Cut down on coffee.
3) Do not eat any food that might be harmful in the long run. That includes instant food such as maggie mee.
4) Take a walk for an hour each day that I'm at campus.
5) Do not stay awake after 12. (This one is very tough indeed as I am after all a night person)
6) Set only one alarm and wake up with it. (To those wondering, yes, I used to have at least 3 different timings for my alarm to ring set apart by 10 minutes)
7) Sit at the front or second row for every lecture and do not under any circumstances fall asleep.
8)Drink a lot of water.
9) Start writing at least one sentence the moment I receive any assignment.
And I'm sure the list would be added on in the long run. For now, I am happy that the world has not ended yet and I have a chance to be a more healthier and happier me.
Anyway, I am the kinda person that does what her heart desires and this is what my heart says I should do. So, here I am, living up to what I want. :)

Happy 2012 folks! :)

You have got to trust me when I say that I wanted a good post to kick start my 2012. I wanted to write all about how wonderful I thought 2012 would be like or about my never ending resolutions. But then, I lost the whole new year spirit I had in me and here I am now writing nothing in particular.
My mum and sister left me to be in dreamland and they went shopping and so ya, I'm nursing a wound in my heart as I type this out. I mean, no one leaves me and goes shopping! That's a big no no! So, I spent a few hours in Facebook, chatting with old friends and then since I had nothing much to do (as usual), I decided to write. Speaking about writing, have you had so much in your heart and mind that you so badly wanted to let out but just couldn't?
I have had that feel in me for the past week and since not everything can be written in blogs, I decided to start writing a diary. I thought of letters, but then again, 2011 had me writing countless letters that never got posted, so I am not taking that path for now. The last I wrote a diary was back in 2007 and years has passed ever since. But, I know that I need to let this thing in me out. So, 2012 would be the year I start writing diaries.
And ya, speaking of 2012, I am not planning to list down my new year resolutions. Why? Well, the way I see it, there is no point in writing down resolutions to accomplish within 365 days. Every day should be a good day and every day should make us a better individual. And with that in mind, I wish you have a wonderful year ahead. Happy 2012 folks!