Missing the missing part of you.

I should not miss people, especially those who have left me with a scar. But, I do. I miss them at the oddest hours. I have no other ways to say this and hence I shall just do it with my fingers firmly typing and as my eyes slowly fills with tears. Been a while since I wrote this way. You know, with so much emotions attached to every word that I type. But then again, been a while since I have felt this way too. So yes, please forgive me because today I am taking a road of pain with my post.
Have you missed someone so much that you did not know what to do? We miss people, don't we? We miss those that have left us for the other world, those who have walked out of our lives not looking back and those that are millions of miles away but close to our hearts. These are who we miss, right? And what do we do when we miss them? We think of them, we reach out and sometimes we cry. Thing is, somehow, things will be okay after that.
Oh, how I wish I missed someone that way, because at least then, I would find a way to cure my ache. The way I am missing someone is just so different that no quotations or phrases or poems or even songs can match up to the emotions behind it. I miss someone that used to be a "someone that I knew". Funny how that one statement itself hits me with so much memories.
Imagine knowing someone on the inside and out, knowing them so well that at one point of your life you just knew that your life will never be the same if at all they were not a part of it. Ever had that? Now imagine still having them as a part of your life but in a different form and way. How if a person that you know so well becomes someone that you "knew" and all this happens right at the front of your eyes?
I miss my "someone". A person that I once hugged with my soul is now extremely hard to hug even with my arms. How do I cure this ache then? The ache to have something that was once so perfect but now is not is just one that you can never fulfill.

The man who has everything needs only one thing, Love. :)

What do you give to a man who has everything? That's the question that has been in my head the whole day. True, he does not know me personally. I am not a person who crosses his mind everyday. He does not think of me. He does not love me. But I love him. I love his voice, the way he smiles and his silly Facebook status updates. Yes, I am not 14 and I should not be having a crush on a celebrity. I am a 22 year old matured young lady who knows how life works. Thing is, how do you tell your heart to feel a certain way? Our hearts work on its own in a pace, tempo and rhythm that we can never truly understand.
So, what do I give him then? I date him on my head on a daily basis. I talk to his pictures. I let him in my fears and my worries, my happiness and my joy. I bug my friends by talking non-stop about him. I dream of him. His voice is the lullaby that I fall asleep to. So, how do I truly thank and return the favour? Especially now that it is his birthday?

The only thing that I have to offer is Love, abundance of it and that is what I shall give this perfect man who has everything in his life. So dear, Danesh Kumar, popularly known as D7, I love you, so very much. You have one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard in my life and honestly, I fell for you the moment I heard you sing. Happy Birthday. Never ever give up singing. Good luck for the next album and hopefully one fine day, I do get to meet you in person. I would probably go speechless but I am waiting for that day. Take care.

Yes, this is what I do in class. I tattoo his name on my hand. :)

Ponggal. Erm, is it a Cultural event or a Religious one again?

"So, why do you celebrate Ponggal?" my non-Hindu roommate asked me yesterday as another Hindu roommate and I were getting ready to go to the temple. Honestly, I gasped in shock at her question. I always assumed that people knew why we celebrated Ponggal just as how I know why my Muslim friends celebrate  Hari Raya Korban or how my Chinese friends celebrate their new year. I just thought people knew. I then proceeded to explain to her that Ponggal is celebrated as a harvesting festival, as a form of thank you for the harvest that has been given. I also stressed that Ponggal is not a religious festival, but a cultural one. She nodded her head throughout my explanation and I was pleased. Just as I continued pining up my hair, she asked me another question. One that made me go speechless, at least for a few seconds. She said, "So, Ponggal is a cultural festival and not a religious one right? Then, why are you going to the temple?". I've gotta admit. It was a good question. Despite a serious urge to chuckle deep within me, I maintained a straight face and gave her an answer (one that I am not going to state here, for a very specific reason). Anyway, that was it. That 2 questions that led to this blog post. So, darling readers, heads up coz Raeva has something very important to say today.
Let me begin by giving you a very sad scenario. We, the Indians of IPGKBA celebrate Ponggal every year in college. We dedicate one day, usually a weekday to prepare the Ponggal pots, we decorate an open space, we prepare food, we dress up to our best (I always wear sari), and we invite everyone from college, regardless of race, including lecturers to join us in the celebration. Let me stress, we invite them with an open heart. And yet, this is what that happens.
We wait. We wait and wait. You can count the number of non-Indians (outside of our own little Indian committee) that actually make it to the event. Let me just say that the number is depressing and not worth mentioning. I won't say that the sweet rice cooked or the food prepared is wasted. Nor are the dance performances lined up stay unrecognised. We have fun, among ourselves. We laugh a little too much, dance with one another and eat all that we can.
Thing is, there is this little bruise in the hearts of every Indian in this college. One that seem to be getting deeper with every year that passes. We are disappointed and among others, really upset that our own friends from the other races just refuse to participate in the celebration. Where did we go wrong? Was the decoration upsetting, the dance not proper or just the event itself that leads to this happening every single year? Well, I did a survey.
Among the reasons that I have heard is that Ponggal is a religious festival and participating in the celebration would mean that they are disrespecting their own religion. Erm, really? Well, I did my research too. Hence, teachers-to-be, I say this with all the respect in the entire world towards every single religion out there, get your facts straightened out! PONGGAL IS NOT A RELIGIOUS FESTIVAL!
It is a thanksgiving festival in which we thank the Sun and farm animals for their assistance in providing a successful harvest. And we also thank the farmers out there who work hard to produce grains for us. Whoever said that saying thank you is one that is attached to religion?
But then again, you may ask, "Why on Earth are you people still celebrating Ponggal in college if no one comes?" That's a good question too. Thing is, to me personally, no matter what, I treasure my culture and I would love to share the culture that I come from with my friends. I may not be able to speak the Tamil language fluently (well, I am learning), I still carry the teachings of my culture with pride and love. And hence, I just hope that there will be a year in which we celebrate Ponggal in college and my friends from other races actually make it to the event with bright smiles and an open heart.
After all, we live in a multicultural society and it is crucial to learn about one another's culture, don't you think so?

Ps: We, the Indians of IPGKBA will be celebrating Ponggal on the 22nd of January 2013. Question is, will you put on your best clothes, lace up your shoes, carry your bags, open up your hearts and make it for the celebration this time around? Think about it.

Signing off with much love and hope.

What if you knew who you would spend the rest of your life with?

I wish I know who is it that I would spend the rest of my life with. Yeap, that's pretty much how I am starting this post. I know I have way more serious things to write about but hey I just finished watching a romantic movie and I am in the midst of reading a love novel. So, do you still blame me? Besides, I am Miss Love, and Miss Love will never stop writing about love even if she does mature, well, slightly at least.
So, what is it about love today? Well, here's to wishing I knew who deserves my love, care, affection, and romance. The whole idea of waiting for a prince to sweep me off my feet still applies, I just wish I knew who that idiot is. Alright alright. I won't call him an idiot. It's just that I am tired. I am tired of not knowing. Don't get me wrong. I am not tired of being single, I have been single my whole life. I am just fed up of all these random conversations, little butterflies that flutter in my tummy for like what, a week then somehow disappear or just about all these people that never stay. You see, it is a fairly good idea of actually knowing who you would say "I love you" to each day, who you would wake up next to, who you would argue with for no reason and mainly, who you would take every step with as you enter the multiple phases of life. Trust me, this tiny piece of information is extremely valuable. There is no need to put your heart out there in the hands of someone that would eventually leave or there is just no need to spend hours thinking about someone who probably does not even know you exist. So ya.
Bla bla bla. Life is supposed to be a mystery and all that. Yeap, I get it.
It's just that, don't you have those moments in which you lie at bed at night, looking up at the ceiling and suddenly you feel a rush of emotion? You know, a sudden overwhelming tug right there in the softest corner of your heart reminding you how much worth it you are as a person and how sad is it that there is no one that you can pour out these love, romance, and affection to? Or how about those times that you are driving and suddenly a melodious love song is aired and you feel each word, each lyric and your mind looks for some image in your head to match those lyrics to and it finds none? Ever felt that? Or is it just me who gets flashes of a life that I have no experience of?
So ya, dear Cupid, it's okay if you have not aimed the arrow at the right person for me yet, just please do drop me his name and if that is not possible, then his initials. Thats it. That's all I am asking for.

Can you feel lonely in a crowded room?

Been a while since I last visited this place of darkness. This one hole in my soul that apparently my mind likes going back to. I don't know how else do I describe feeling this way. From a girl who is considered good at understanding other people, the way they feel, why they feel that way, and how to help them feel better, it seems pretty ridiculous, I know that.
Have you ever felt like you were drowning in this big ocean of doubts and insecurities? Like nothing that you ever do or think is good enough? They say that when your heart is at the right place, things will work out. They say that you should never give up hope because hope is like that burning candle that we ignite when the power gets cut off. But that's what they say. They don't know that in that split second of lighting up a candle, the mind wanders, and the heart tremors. So, how dare they say that it will be fine?
I know that negativity does not suit me. I am a positive person. My whole life is built on hope. But this hole of darkness that my mind keeps taking me back to has swallowed that aspect of me. I am lost and I don't like being lost.
So, is it possible to feel lonely in a crowded room? Apparently it is.