Wednesday, November 30, 2011

*I will cry!*

You know what..Let me just rattle here today. Let me just type non-stop. Let me not to check my grammar or look for words. I just wanna type right from my heart. No topics. No statements and no view points. I just wanna talk.
So, ya, I'll tell you. I like people who are there for you when your tears drop. You know, there is this thing about people that I hate. I hate people who don't empathise on another person. You know I have written a very long post on empathy before and you know how much it irritates me to see that happen. The whole, "Oh, whatever..let her cry". I hate that.
So, i'll say this. I like people who shoulder my head when I sob. I like people who reach out and wipe my tears when I start to weep and I like people who just don't ask what's wrong or demand me to give an answer as to why I'm crying but just sit next to me and hold my hand when I cry. I like those people. Ya, I like those people. And yes, I am one of those people too.
So ya, call me a big cry baby, but a girl gotta weep at times. I have got to release it all out before building another bridge in my heart to hold the pain. So ya, I have to cry.
And so shall I when I want to.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

The echoes of my heart...

Can a broken heart heal? Is it fair for mended wings to spread and wish to conquer the skies? Walking through a deserted alley with my head hung low, and my soul beaten with frustration, filled with remorse and regret that I am not who I wanted to be. My silly notions of what life should be like has been mercilessly taken away from me. And to feel a tiny glow in my heart, a little flush in my cheeks and to know that those fluttering butterflies are finding its way back into my tummy makes me shun in embarrassment. I feel the locks of my heart tighten , reminding me of the hurt and pain that took months to heal. I know my guards are up and the windows of my heart is sealed. Can I ever find my way back? Will the secure walls I put up crumble as time does its duty? The scars that dig deep into my heart will always remind me of that life and love I once had. True, the tears are all gone and the memories are slowly fading away. But who I am now is far from who I ever was. Is it fair then for my heart to beat in hope, for my soul to flutter and for my eyes to dream? If only time is reversible...if only I can shut my eyes and wake up to the old me...if only things were different...will I be a happier me then?

Ps: Maybe I do regret taking that road...risking it all..and maybe I do regret falling in the very first place.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Can we really do nothing?

First of all, pardon me for my absence. I just was not in the mood to write. I know. I know. That is so not me right? But ya, it happens. The whole 'I-have-no-idea-wat-to-write-thingy' happened to me. Ironic isn't it? A few weeks back I told you I had so much to write about and can't seem to concentrate on anything else but write and now I feel shall I put it...lost? And its also true that I do get "lost" often, if you understand what I mean.
Anyway, it is as such that boredom has struck me and I find myself doing silly things in the process. I have nothing to do and it is slowly eating me up. I listen to songs, sing along with the lyrics, then get fed-up and throw my earphones away. I walk around the house, cooing and playing with my two kids then they get bored with me and silently curl in a corner and sleep. I attempted cooking and even that bored me. I wanted to bake but the whole process of getting the oven out and thinking of the mess that I would have to clear up later on made it seem a little less interesting. And yes, before you ask, I would love to go out and have fun but ya, I'm running a little..(fine a lot!) low on cash. So, try as I might, this whole hols has me wishing that time would fly quick enough and I'd return back to college. Back to the working life of a student. You know, the whole dealing with demanding lecturers, annoying assignments and batch mates with diverse personalities. At least that made my days not seem to be such a drag.
So, yes, I'm bored. My whole sleep pattern is affected. I sleep at about 5 or 6 in the morning and wake up at around 11.30 to 12. And i have no idea how to change it. Since when did holidays start to get on my nerves? Haiz.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

When the heart grieves...:'(

How do you take a journey through grief? Do you take it knowing that there will eventually be a day in which you wake up and the whole world is a better place? Or do you just drag yourself a day at a time, waiting for you own judgement day? I wonder, how do you take a journey through this unbearable, unexplainable grief? Do you start questioning all that you ever believed in? And, do you lose faith in the process? It is extremely difficult to be in a position I never imagined I would be in. How do I explain all this? Words are insufficient. Maybe a day will come in which it will all make perfect sense. But, will I hold on till that day? I guess that's an answer I myself will never know.

Love Sorrow

Love sorrow. She is yours now, and you must
take care of what has been
given. Brush her hair, help her
into her little coat, hold her hand,
especially when crossing a street. For, think,

what if you should lose her? Then you would be
sorrow yourself; her drawn face, her sleeplessness
would be yours. Take care, touch
her forehead that she feel herself not so

utterly alone. And smile, that she does not
altogether forget the world before the lesson.
Have patience in abundance. And do not
ever lie or ever leave her even for a moment

by herself, which is to say, possibly, again,
abandoned. She is strange, mute, difficult,
sometimes unmanageable but, remember, she is a child.
And amazing things can happen. And you may see,

as the two of you go
walking together in the morning light, how
little by little she relaxes; she looks about her;
she begins to grow.

Mary Oliver

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Oh Beautiful Love...:)

What's it with life?

Lesson of the day : Life changes in a split second and the after effects can either hurt like hell or comfort the way heaven is supposed to.
What's with life huh? The different phases that we go through, the varying characters that we meet, the diverse personalities that we bump into. What's it with life huh? I know it's a silly question to ask. But, I can't help it. I wanna walk up to heaven and reach GOD's throne and ask him why he created life the way it is. Why he created feelings in the very first place? The attachment/bond with another living soul is what I don't understand. Why bond people and then remove them from the face of earth? Why give life and then take it? Why?
You know I am the kinda person that appreciates life for what it is. I'm not the kinda person who complains and frets. So, if I am asking this today, you should know that I have a very good reason to. Honestly, I need to know. What's it with life huh?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Sleep, where are you?

Great! Just great! Now, I can't go to sleep! Even my sleep is messed up now! I just need this don't I? I shut my laptop before the clock struck one and with full excitement closed my eyes awaiting a better tomorrow. And then I started with the turning and twisting around. I forced myself to go to sleep and I just couldn't. Even with my earphones plugged in!
I just can't go to sleep! I am seriously hating this stupid routine. I sleep so late and wake up so late. This is so not me. I need my mornings back and for that to happen, I need my sleep back. Oh, mighty beautiful fairies, where are you? Sprinkle some sleep dust on me please. I need to sleep.

Monday, November 21, 2011

RF 6

RF 6

A detour into the lane of childhood!

It's really funny how things seem to be hitting me all of a sudden nowadays.It's like I have all this different sides of me that is brought out with different events. So, what happened today? Well, dad was extra helpful around the house and he started cleaning this little compartment that is somewhat a store place for old junks. And I, being a firm believer that you should not do silly things, which to me was silly that he wanted to clean up a store room. I mean, the whole idea of a store room is that it should be messy. So, I did not help him. Fine, I was not a docile, good daughter today! I know!
Anyway, half way through fb-ing, I heard mum screaming that I should come see what dad found. So, I went. And voila, it was my entire childhood! He found my entire childhood! How is that possible, you ask? Well, he found a bag full of teddy bears! The teddy bears that hold so much secrets of mine. They have watched me cry, watched me smile, and have been there for me throughout my childhood. Growing up, they were family to me. And meeting them back when I am 20 is more than a joy to me. I sat on the floor, hugged them tight and started talking to them. I remember them all. Each and every memory I had with them came flooding back. There were times in which I refused to go out with my parents if Kitty bear or Browny bear or Betty bear was forbidden to follow. They were a huge part of my childhood. And yes, I grew up, and eventually they were all put away. But, I still can't explain this whole crush I have on teddy bears. I love teddy bears so much! Every time my sister returns from Indonesia, she buys me a huge teddy bear. And I love her so much for that.
It's true isn't it? A girl always leans on something or someone. Growing up, it was my teddy bears and now it is Ruby and Dino. I don't know what it would be in the future. But ya, like I said life is short. So, make it sweet. Be a child when you feel like being one. I was a child today and I am so happy for that.

My most recent photograph with Mr Binkle and Mr Pinky. Both are gifts from my sister. By the way, they are both boys k! :)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Guys, clear my doubt please...:)

I was innocently stalking people on fb when i came across this one. I guess this is written by a guy. I guess what I really wanna know is, if all this is true. Any guys out there free to clarify my doubts?


1. Guys hate sluts.

2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-
how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

11. Guys get jealous easily.

12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

16. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

17. Guys are very open about themselves.

18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.

19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

23. Guys will brag about anything.

24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.

30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

37. Guys don't really have final decisions.

38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it

51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.

RF 5:
I love novels and I always walk around the shelves of books in the library waiting for a cue, waiting for the book to speak to me! I always choose novels after having this little intuition that it is the one I should read. And 99% of times, it is always something to do with love and romance! :)

Do I look old?

It is 20.11.2011. Cute date nah? I don't understand the fuss that some people make out of dates. I mean, next year would be 20.12.2012. Its still the same right? Haiz. Call me scientific in that matter but I don't really get the whole "its a special day" thingy. For me, days are special if you make it so. You don't need one freaking day to be called special. Except birthdays that is. You know how special birthdays are to me. :) Anyway, it is a cute date!
So, how did my 20112011 start? Well, I woke up at about 11.20 am and had nothing much to do. I mean, I do have "things" to do, but in the "do i like to do it" part, ya, nothing much to do. And then comes the big question. Do I miss college? I'd be lieing if I said I did not. I know. I know. It has only been 2 days since I'm back. But ya, I do miss college. I guess it's a different life there and here and a different me. But, its still life. And ya, life sucks but who cares? :)
And yes, the whole reason of me being here is that, I have a question to ask. Do I really look old? I mean, I know I am old. 20 and all. But do I look really old? People keep asking me how old I am and give me the whole "I can't believe you are only 20 face!" Someone told me today that I look 23. Well, i know its only a 3 year gap to my actual age but ya, its still 3 years! So, tell me. Do I look old? I remember asking my friends and they said its due to the way I act all matured and the way I mother people. But, if you have been an avid reader of this blog, you would know how childish I can get. So, ya, I don't consider myself as being matured. Hence, my big question to you darling readers, Do I look old? Give me an honest answer please! :)

Random Fact 4:
I turn into a child when I am around children. By the way, you can see the childish part of me when I'm in the fun fair or the "pasar malam". I will be worse than a child! Jumping around excitedly, not bothering about what the world thinks. I love fun fairs and "pasar malam"s! Who doesn't?

Saturday, November 19, 2011


Random Fact 3:
I'm super possessive. And it especially holds true to people. I'm possessive towards those I love. I know I know. No one belongs to anyone. But, ya, it is something I can't seem to change about myself.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Empathy and Fakeness.

It is officially day 1 of my semester break. I had a really good sleep after a long while. You wouldn't believe me if I said I went for exams without any sleep. This happened 2 days on a row. I tried forcing myself to sleep, and I failed. At the end of the day, I had no choice but to stay up all night reading my notes. I was so wide awake that even in the morning, when everyone complained of how sleepy they were, I was joking around. But, i know i needed that long sleep I had last night. It refreshed me in a way I can't explain.
Anyway, the whole point I am here is because I have to speak to you on an issue that has been bugging me for a few days now. People. Alright before I go any further, let me make it clear that I know I am not perfect and I should not judge another person. However, sometimes certain people make me question all that I believe in. I don't understand how some people do not know the word "empathy". And even if they do, they don't live it. Is empathy something that we teachers should instill as a value in children during formal hours in class? I mean, is that why some adults don't empathise? Because they do not know how to?
Empathy basically means putting yourself in another person's shoes. Looking at life from the view of another person. This especially holds true during tough times. All of us go through tough issues at one point or another in our life. And, you know the saying that you only know who your true friends are when you are going through a dark period? I need to salute whoever who came up with that saying. Because it is true!
Many of you know what I went through and still am going through recently. It is a thing I don't want to talk about because it hurts to speak of it. But, the thing i wish to highlight here is how many people are using the issue to gain popularity. Fine. I get the whole point of telling the world how you feel and all. But, it irks me that people can walk around using that one issue as a means of gaining entry into another. I know I am confusing you here. But, I don't wish to go any further.
All I am saying is that, if you care. You do. There is no need for fake tears to clear your name. And there is no need for fake extend of sympathy if you do not feel so. Life is like a roller coaster. You would be on top at one point of life and then you would find yourself at the bottom. So, don't bother trying to be someone you are not.
And with that, I would also like to say this. Empathy is a big word. To those that understand and live in it, kudos! To those that can't connect to another human, emotionally, no matter how much you try, kudos too! Because that means you are not fake. It is better to be yourself than try to be someone you are not.

Random fact 2:
I hate people who are fake. And the best part of all, I'm pretty good at detecting the level of fake-ness a person has the moment I meet them.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Stepping into the sanctuary of love!

Im at home! Lying down comfortably on my bed with Dino beside me. I hear and smell good food and can't wait to dig in with my family. I love the fact that we all have lunch and dinner together! Anyway, I promised myself that I would write more, laugh more, do more random things and just have more fun for this 2 months. I know my life on earth is very much limited. So, I'm going to make a difference where I can. I'm going to be all that I ever wanted to be. When GOD send his angels to collect my soul, I want to be able to leave happily with no regrets.
I made a little vow to myself that at the end of every blog post, I'd write some random fact about myself. Something about me that I like, or hate. I hope I keep up with my words! Wish me luck ya! :)

Random fact 1:
I have to listen to songs to sleep. If I don't, I just can't sleep. It goes to the extent that I can stay awake the whole night if I don't have my earphones with me. I sleep with earphones in my ears, listening to slow, romantic songs! :)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

LOVE answered!

I found this posted in Fb when I should not be in FB. Ya..the last paper and all. But hey, i need my entertainment too! So ya. And it is too cute to not be posted in my blog. Check it out! The 5 facts bout love!

1) If it is because of her eyes, or her lips or her great body, then its NOT love.

2) If it's about her intelligence or her insight about life, then it's NOT love.

3) If it's because she cries every time you try to leave, then its NOT love.

4) If it's because she makes you forget to study and sleep, then its NOT love.

5) LOVE is when you don't know why you seem to be attracted to that person.

And I say, LOVE has it's reason. And that reason is UNKNOWN!

Cute right? Really makes sense! Well, to all single, rocking ladies like me, why complicate yourself in the intricacies that surround LOVE? When it happens it happens.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Goodbye IPBA!

It's my final paper tomorrow. That marks the final day in IPBA. Uni life for year 2011 is officially ending tomorrow. How do I feel? So so. I mean, I went through a lot this year in terms of my university life and those are memories that I would treasure. When I return for year 2, I would be the new me. Well, things would have changed and as I always say, you need to let go of the past to live in the future. So, what that has happened, has happened. Assignments, tests, friends, outings, laughters, tears and all. I mean, I can sit here writing on all those memories but what is the point of dwelling in the past? I shall take the good with me and bury the bad behind. So, ya, thank you for the memories of year 1 IPBA! Will cherish them forever. :)

Monday, November 14, 2011


Its 10.34 a.m. I just got back to IPBA after a long drive in the rain from Klang. It's as though the skies are crying. And true enough, I am the one who says nothing can be more beautiful than when the skies cry. But, I prayed with all strength in me that nothing would happen. Dad has a tendency to speed. And I have the tendency to panic. With all the recent happenings, I feel as though my time on earth is limited. I find myself hugging people more, telling them how much they mean to me and I find myself doing things in a rush. But, I guess it is for the good right? I don't want to go without telling people how much they mean to me. So, ya, I'm on the mission to do that. Things are getting tougher each day. I deal with issues that probably not many 20 year olds deal with. Not that I'm complaining or anything, I mean GOD tests those that He loves right? He doesn't test those that are weak. I will survive. Believing is half step closer to achieving. We will all survive. Anyway, I don't know why, but in this cold, quiet night, I feel so lonely. I feel I left my entire life back in Klang. It feels like I have no one here. I just feel...I don't know..out of place? But, I know its in my head. I am just having some problems getting things out of my system. I feel like a totally new person. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's just me. I just don't know.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

It's hard. Really hard.

Never once had I ever thought all that happened would happen. It's hard to go on, laugh and pretend like nothing happened. Life has changed dramatically. And it changed in a split second. It's hard. Really hard. These days that slowly crawl by are days i never ever thought I would live in. As tears are slowly replaced by smiling memories, I realise life is too short. Life is not knowing what would happen next. Life is all about sitting, chatting away happily then knowing you will never see that person ever again. It's hard. This hole, this emptiness in my heart, a place you resided in, will never close. You will never be replaced and I'd like it to be that way. I might meet millions of people in life but I'll never meet a person like you. And knowing that I never told you how much I love you, hurts. It stabs. True enough, you never know what you had, till it's taken away from you. I never knew how much you mean to me, till I lost you. And I lost you forever. But I promise you. I won't forget the very last advice you gave me. The one advice that I went against. I'm sorry for that. I'm really sorry. But, now, you are my guardian angel. And I know you are guarding me. Along with the rest, that loved you and whom you loved. Under your wings, I'll survive. I'll keep you forever in my heart.

Friday, November 11, 2011

I love you.

I feel your presence everywhere I turn. My last memory of you, parking your car in front of my house with that long face and leaning on your car while I gave you your gift and told you no one can beat me in being the first to wish you. I wished you months in advance. You asked me, "Is this why you wanted me to come?". And I nodded my head like a child. As you unwrapped your gift and the letter fell out, I told you to go read it at home and I saw your face light up with the gift. You flipped it around and you told me it looked so nice. I asked you if it would fit and you told me "can". And I said if it hangs on you, that means you need to put on some weight. You gave me that smirk you always give when someone brigs up your sensitive issue, "your weight". I laughed and I knew something was bothering you but I didn't ask. You told me you were tired. But still, you gave me a hug. I hugged you back, tilting my toes like I always do. You were always so tall right? And then I watched you drive away. I play that day millions of times in my head and i regret not telling you how much I love you. I never called you anne. You were just Adrian. If I can have that day once again, I'll hug you as tight as I can, kiss your forehead and tell you I love you. Today, I only managed to place a kiss on the sand, on the glass. You received it though, didn't you? I know you are watching me and scolding me for crying. But, I can't help it Adrian. You were the only brother I ever had and will ever have. I read all your messages, your wall posts, your comments, and I feel this whole in my heart. Your voice is ringing in my head and all your memories linger around me. I hate it that I have to go on with life without you by my side. I love you so much Adrian. Life might go on but it won't be the same without you. I told you I have never been to the church and you promised me you'll take me and go. Today I went with you. But not in the way you promised me we would. I just love you so much. You know that right? I love you.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Day 1 without you and I can't breathe. I can't say anything. I just want a hug.

Monday, November 7, 2011

I love you. Come back.

I love you. You are not supposed to die. You are supposed to walk me down the aisle. I just love you so much. Who am I going to poke in Facebook after this? Why did you let me win the poke war we had? You owe me a huge teddy bear. You owe me a trip to the funfair. I love you. Why did you do this to me? You are supposed to be the godfather for all my kids. You are supposed to be the one that broke the nose of whoever that broke my heart. You are supposed to be there for me forever. If I go bang my car after this, who am I supposed to call? I just love you so much. I keep on hoping that this is a dream and someone will wake me up. I sat all night looking at your photo and I know you are there. I can feel you around. Your voice is still ringing in my head. I freaking love you! How could you leave me like this and go? Come back please? I have no shoulder to lean on. Who is going to call me "girl" after this? Who is going to be my midnight call? Who am I suppose to fight with after this? You are everywhere I turn Adrian. Don't leave me. I can't go on. I just can't. I remember your hugs and no one has treated me the way you have. You are my brother. You are the world's nicest guy. How could this happen to you? You are all that I wish for right now. I wan't you back. I can't go on. Adrian, I love you. I know I fight with you and bug your life and irritate you with my childish ways. I know so many people miss you and you were a good friend to all of them. But, I can't say rest in peace because I can't see the world without you. You taught me how to use the stupid GPRS. I want to sit next to you in the car again. I want to fight with you to switch on the radio. Why Adrian? Why you? I love you. I keep replaying all the times we spent together and it's not enough. You were supposed to watch me graduate, watch me get married, watch me have kids and I was supposed to do the same. Why did you go so soon? What am I suppose to do now? I love you. Wake up and come back. Adrian, I need you back. I need my brother back. I can't go on. I can't stop crying. I just love you so much!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Boys, this one is for you!!! :)

It is about 11 on a Monday and we all need some good cheering up on Mondays don't we? I was reading random articles online when I stumbled upon this one. It made me smile, and I hope it does to you too. By the way, guys, you might wanna get a paper and a pen! You would need it, trust me!

How to be a gentleman
Women want that knight in shining armor to do those things for her and unfortunately the gentleman in this world are slowly dying. Being a gentleman makes a woman feel special and lets her know that you "get it" as well as letting her embrace her femineity and yes you can overdo being a gentleman.

Some gentleman like things include:
Opening the door for women
Putting on her coat when you are leaving
Taking off her coat when you are arriving
Help with her seat
Opening the car door
Giving her your seat when there are no
Give her your arm
Fulfilling her needs
Holding her hair back when she is being sick
Covering her ears when someone is being sick
Don't wear your hat inside

I do not know any woman who does not want to feel special and does not want to be first priority in a man's life. Men confuse this with women thinking they are going to be a wuss and this is not the case at all. As a man you need your masculinity and to play that role though you also need to be in touch with your femineity side.

A lot of the gentleman like "things" I wrote are common sense and also you have been taught most of your life. Women will often stop at doors and wait for you to open them or walk to the door of a restraint and stop and look at you and if you pause and show a sign of not knowing what to do then you fail the "test."

A lot of women read romance novels and desire and want a man like in that novel so badly that they often think that they don't exist. But when you are a gentleman it reminds her who she is dealing with and the real man you are.

Each woman is unique and has different values, some women like touch, some like words and some like gifts. When you find out what a woman values in her life you can find out the reason why she does the things she does. This would be quite handy wouldn't it men?

So how do you find out what a woman values, it's simple you ask the question of what is the most important thing to you in relationships or what is the more important thing to you in health. You will find what she values in a relationship and what she values in health and you can meet her needs and open up a new world to her without even asking what she wants.

So be a gentleman to a woman and do it even if the woman is your friend. You are a man not a boy my friend.

Escaping reality.

As I sit here surrounded with heaps of papers, I find myself drifting to another world. A world of promise and a world of comfort. A world in which life means happiness, love means happiness, friendship means happiness and a world that only I know exist. A world within consciousness. A world that starts the moment my eyes shut. A world that I escape to when I get tired of all the made-up laughs, hidden tears, bruised wounds and scars that never seem to heal. I read something today that I probably should not have read. And hence, my drive to write in this confused state.
I know I'd probably shut my laptop, bury my head in my pillow and cry the moment I am done with this post. But, what is the use of crying? It never solves anything! If only it did, I would probably be the one with no problems on earth. And nothing to think about. Would life be happier then? Would I be the same person I am today?
You know the times when you suddenly feel like bursting after holding it all in for so long? Have you ever been in that state? I never once questioned GOD to why he put us in this position. I always believed that everything happens for a reason and I always told myself there is always light at the end of the tunnel. But, today I am asking, what happens if we reach the end of the tunnel, and there is no light? What happens then?
I wish, I pray and I hope. I wish, pray and hope with all my heart for a miracle. For GOD to open his eyes and see how much this family needs him now. Will he or will he not?

PS: Is there a way to escape reality?

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Birthdays and all that...:)

Happy Sunday everyone! It's a beautiful day indeed and before you ask, yes I'm supposed to be studying yet I am here writing. I told myself I'd get things done before I go to bed tonight or else I'll have a dozen shots of coffee and continue till it's settled. But then again, can we ever be done with studying? There will always be something, some notes, some books, to still read kan? So ya.
Yesterday was an awesome day for me. I skyped with my darling, nonsense, yet I still love sister for 4 hours. What did we talk about? Well...everything! It was so much fun! I do miss her so much. I miss all the fights and all the random things we did together. Anyway, she told me that she will be returning to Malaysia some where along mid January and would fly back to Indonesia on the 18th of February! Excuse me! We are talking about 18th February 2012 here! That's my 21st birthday! I literally cried. Yes i did. I am swearing to you that if she makes me stand in the airport, with tears, hugging and kissing goodbye on my 21st birthday, I'll chop off all her belongings here at home!
I need my birthday! You know how special birthdays are to me! And its my 21st. That means I'm legal! Wokay, not that I'm ever gonna consume alcohol or run away or anything. But the point is, its my birthday! I love celebrating the birthday's of other people and obviously I go crazy when it's my very own birthday! So, yes, I went out at 3 a.m last night and wished upon the skies that she doesn't do that to me. (And we all know that when we wish upon the skies it does come true). So ya.
Anyway, turning 21 should be fun right? Can't believe I'm that old already! But, I feel young! :) Can't wait for my birthday to roll in! And i'd so make sure that this time when I blow the candles, I wish for a wish that would come true. I still remember what I wished for this year. And did come true. But it twisted itself.
So people, remember k. This girl here turns 21 on the 18th of February 2012! :)

Friday, November 4, 2011

When I can't stop writing!

I should not be here. I should be having my head buried in the pages of my L&L book. But, I can't help it! All I wanna do is blog! Ironic isn't it? I woke up in the morning, crossed my legs and sat on my bed and started writing in my head. It's really funny. Every single thing I do, I am imagining that I'm writing it down. Like I'm being struck with a lightning of words. I feel I have to write everything down! It's amazing to feel this way, really. To feel like I'd never run out of words. Reminds me of what Ashwini, my roommate told me a few days back. I saw her editing some pictures and she was doing a real good job with it. I was awe-struck! I mean, it looked so complicated! All the different settings, colour tones, brightness and bla bla. I asked her how on earth she is so patient and good with it. She said that she loved doing it. She told me, editing pictures is to her what writing is to me. A passion. And, it's true. I mean, I love to write. From blogs, to diaries, to letters, to e-mails...I just love to write! I mean, to me, I feel that you can always judge a person by his or her writings. By the way they convey emotions through their writings. But then again, I also know that sometimes people lie through what they write. Simply due to the fact that it is erasable.
So, ya, maybe the person you see right there, in front of you, is the character you should trust and hold to be true. Maybe the one that no one else sees, the one that only you know exist, the one in Facebook is the character you should let go. Maybe a person cannot be divided into 2 personalities after all. And maybe I was wrong to think it can be.
Wokay. I can see that I have drifted off some where else. Sorry for that. Anyway, I have to go now. To go bury myself back in theories and facts that I'd probably forget the moment I hand in my exam sheet anyway. So ya, if you do see me online in Facebook, please chase me away. I need to get rid of my temptation to stay in this stupid virtual world. Take care people. Love you'll to bits!

Revathi..part 1!

I was randomly reading articles online when I stumbled upon an entry in this famous Indian God and Goddess website I often go to. It was on Revathi, the daughter of King Raivata and the wife of Balrama. I was happy. I mean, my name is Raevarthy after all. So, I read and read. I even googled and found even more information about her. It was fun. Then I went on a hunt to find out how my name came about. I know I was born under the Indian astrological sign Revati. So, I tried googling and got to know some characteristics of people born under this sign. How far does it compare to mine? Well, you have to tell me that!

1) Persons born under the Revati sign are believed to be the most religious and God fearing people among all the other nakshatras.
2) They are blessed with an athletic, well-proportioned physique and are large in stature.
3) Independent and often fiercely ambitious.
4) Sexy and brave
5) These people have complete control over their senses and are socially amicable, qualities that make them popular, since they are extremely easy to get along with.
6) Both ancient cultures and modern scientific research interest them a lot.
7) Short tempered and stubborn
8) They tend to overburden themselves with other people's problems
9) Revati born persons also suffer from stress, and their own fixed way of looking at a crisis certainly does not help them in this aspect.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Appreciate more and judge less.

As I write this, I am cursing the fact that my room blacked out once again causing me to sleep in the not so comfy hall last night and now the entire water supply to block 8 has been terminated. I have an event to attend in less than 5 hours and I need the water! I found out yesterday that I have my examination briefing at 3 pm tomorrow which automatically cancelled my plan of going back home tomorrow morning. So, ya basically my life sucks right now. I know I said I had a good feeling of November but oh boy, how wrong I was. Well, problems arise so that you become tougher right? Erm..I'll apply that to this situation as well.
Anyway, I just read about Kim Kardashian's failed marriage and I couldn't help but go..."Saw that coming! ". I mean, where are the values of marriage nowadays? It seems to me that people get married for the fun of it and get divorced when they get tired of one another. Now, thats dating! That's why people date and couple up and all. Marriages are too sacred! Why is it that people fail to notice that?
I guess thats the old-fashioned me talking. Anyway, I would also say this. There always comes a time in our lives in which we eventually get tired of all the fights and tears and tough times. You know, like a ball and a wall. You bounce the ball and it comes back to you. You bounce harder and it comes back even faster. I don't know what the theory is called as in physics. But, ya you get the idea. But however much you throw the ball, there will be a day in which the ball tears or wears out. And then it just doesn't bounce back again. You see?
That's how human relationships are like. Be it friendship, the relationship between a mother and a daughter, or a father and a son, or just a parent and a child, or a boyfriend and a girlfriend, or among siblings, etc etc. Thats exactly the principle that applies. We fail to appreciate the presence of those close to us just merely because we tend to chase after what that is not ours. Get me? It's like this. You know the quotation? "Appreciate everyone around you because one day you may turn back and realise that you lost a diamond while busy collecting stones". Makes sense?
I guess being in the position that I am in now, I have rights to say this. There always comes a time that we eventually give up. In the ball and the wall theory, the ball just don't bounce back again. We as humans can take the hurt inflicted upon us by the one that we care about simply because we love and care for them. They hurt and hurt and you take and take. However, there will be one day when you suddenly wake up and realise that it's just not worth it anymore. Like the ball, we tear and we know deep down that we can never bounce back again.
And form the other end's perspective, I'd say this. Don't ever make the mistake of losing a diamond while collecting stones. You may have the most wonderful, beautiful people around you and you have to start appreciating them for simply being who they are. Don't throw them around like the ball. One day, they just won't bounce back and you would realise that you lost a diamond. Regrets never make things better. In fact, it worsens it.
So, I guess what I'm saying here is appreciate more and judge less. Be the kinda person you want to be around with. Give what you would expect to receive.
Anyway, I did not realise that I've made this an extremely long post! After a very long post, I'm off to go check whether the water is back. So ya, people, take care k. See you guys later!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

November....Should it end?

It has taken me ages to load this page so I'm gonna make it a quick one. I know I have another post to write, one that I scribbled in my note pad during a tutorial class. I need to type it out here and get that done with. But, first, let me tell you how November has treated me so far. Okay. Now, do not give me that look. I know its only the 2nd and I have a long way to go. But hey, its worth sharing!
Anyway, as always I came up with this mission/resolution for November, which I'm sure you have read from my previous post. As far as achieving that goal goes..erm..I shall tell you when the month ends k? Lets hope I do successfully and happily write at the end of the month that is.
November equals to the end of a lot of relationships, bonds, happy times, not-so good times, etc, etc. I'm looking forward to a few things and seriously not wanting the weeks to pass by due to other reasons.
What I'm looking forward to:
a) The Deepavali potluck that is to be held tomorrow, the 3rd. What shall I wear by the way? Really traditional? Semi-traditional? Modern? Casual? Simple? Haiz. In a serious dilemna. But, I'm sure I'll find something. I mean I have clothes for each type. It's just the deciding part!

b) Packing all my stuffs and leaving IPBA for good for 2 months!

c) Handing in the last exam paper and feeling so relieved!

What I'm not looking forward to:
a) Bidding goodbye to this bunch of crazy people that I lived with for this sem. Goodbyes are always hard aren't they? Well, I made bonds with people I barely knew. And memories that would last for a life time. I hope I don't cry! But, you know me.

b) Each passing day reminds me of how much the exams are around the corner. Erm, I hate exams! They make me nervous.