Thursday, May 31, 2012

A girl can never have too many pairs of shoes! :)

You have definitely heard that chocolates, ice-creams and food can fix a broken heart. I am not here today to deny that. In fact, I am all for sugar coated fixing of hearts. But have you really thought about it? I mean, i for one really think that shoes can fix broken hearts. I mean, come on, shoes people! Shoes! And here is where I need to caution all those who are reading. If you are a lady, please go ahead, i think you will love this post and if you are a man, it is best of you leave right about now. This post is gonna get very girly and squeals will be present. And if you boys are willing to go further than this, then don't tell me I did not warn you.
Alright gals, lemme give it to you. The reasons why shoes can fix a broken heart!

1) Let us face it. No matter how tall we are or how much we weigh or how curvy we are, we are all very self-concious about the way we look. We think we are too fat or too thin or bla bla. And the thing is shoes is just something that you can never grow out off! No matter how much weight you lose or how much you put on, your shoe size never changes! So, you don't actually feel the pain when you put on a pair of your old shoes and it doesn't fit coz it will always just fit! God bless whoever who created shoes!

2) You can go insane with your shoes! You can wear a blue dress with red pumps and that is hawt! Any colour with absolutely any pair of clothes! Now, that is just heaven people!

3) Heels make your legs look leaner and longer! It is true! You can trust me on that! I love my heels because my legs are immediately leaner when I put them on. It is like having this secret equipment that just tones up your legs when you need them to be toned! I mean, how can anything beat that!

4) And lets talk about confidence here. Girls, im telling you, shoes can boost up your confidence level! Even if you are a short 5 feet 2 inches girl like me, you put on a pair of shoes, you look taller, you feel amazing and voila, off you go to conquer the world! Seriously, i resort to my shoes whenever i need a boost of confidence.

So, the conclusion is, you can fix anything with shoes! Even a broken heart! I am a person who studies shoes like how an art collector studies her art or a psychologist studies her patients. I can sit for hours and look at a pair of shoes, digesting its details, taking in the cuts and curves and not get bored with it. There is this magic about shoes, i definitely insist on that!

And to the boys that have made it this far, let me tell you this. If diamonds are a girl's best friend than shoes are a woman's best friend. Shoes will always be there for her. They will never shun her or treat her wrong. They will never try to steal her boyfriend or call her fat. They will never let her down. The bottom line is a women needs as many of these friends as she can get. So, don't judge us! A girl can never have too many shoes! And yes, we sometimes love our shoes more than we love you guys. Just live with it!

LDR- The big "Long Distant Relationship" talk! :)

Long distance relationships are just beautiful aren't they? There was this one point in my life in which a close friend told me that she was in love with a guy half way across the world whom she met virtually and have never seen in her life and i went, "Erm...okay". My mind conjured up 60 different reasons as to why the relationship will not work and yet i told her, "Life doesn't pick who you fall for and if you feel like he is the one, then go for it". That was about a year ago.
And today, sitting here typing this out, I have to humbly bow down to the power of long distant relationships. I always felt that love is supposed to give you butterflies, make you go weak at your knees and all that. And I for one never thought that it is possible to have those "fairy tale" like feelings virtually. Oh, how wrong was I!
Today, I can truly tell you that my friend is so happy with him although she has never met him in person. He has been there for her through her every rise and fall, allowing her to grow into herself and never once giving up on the relationship and everything they have been through. Now, you tell me, isn't that fairy tale by itself? I have to literally hold myself from tearing each time she talks about her relationship. Can someone have a love so pure and true? She is truly blessed, that's for sure.
Let's face it. We live in a world and time that relationships are not built on trust like how it should be, but on material possessions and lust. That is one of the reasons as to why I myself, stay away from love. Because I do not think there is anyone out there that understands what love is and what it is made up of. Love is made up of TRUST. You have to trust him or her and be a person worthy of trust itself. And that is why long distant relationships deserve a huge round of standing ovation. Because it is purely made of trust.
I do not deny that there is so many things that can go wrong. So, how do you know? I really cannot answer that. But I know that relationships are all about trust. So, it doesn't matter if you have a person living half away across the world or a person sitting right in front of you, give and receive trust. That is the only way you can keep yourself and your relationship sane.
And as to long distant relationships...well, it works. It really does. It is possible to fall for someone half way across the world, simply because you can never pick who you fall for. Cupids arrow does not know direction. And Mr.Cupid himself is pretty good at aiming for you when you least expect him to.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal and Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

There are songs that just struck a chord somewhere deep down your heart whenever you hear them. And the worst part of all is not knowing why or how to stop memories that over flow your sanity when that happens. There was once when I was a little girl, still so naive about the world and how it works, that I came across a quotation. I am not very sure how old I was or how it happened. But I remember the quotation so clearly. It might have been the start of my love towards literature and all that. The quotation rang something like this, "Memories no matter joy or sadness will make you cry when remembered later on in the future". I don't really remember how the words were put together but that is the gist of it. I remember thinking that happy memories will never make you cry. How wrong was I!
I guess life taught me that memories will make you cry, no matter how much you don't want to. I am a person who doesn't compare or judge. I take life a day at once and I try to live it to the fullest. But to be a person like that, you gotta have a heart as hard as steel. And that is one that I don't. As I type this out, I have Miley Cyrus's "Stay" on my playlist and I am fighting the gush of tears that threaten to fall. I am telling myself that it is okay to cry occasionally. I am allowing memories to fill my soul.
There is just so much that death can take and memories is one that would stay no matter how old you get. But heartache's do not heal. One that even trust and love betray you with. So how do one fight away the memories and tears?
The simple truth is that you don't. And yes, memories, no matter happy or sad ones will make you cry. And if it doesn't, then you have not given the memories enough credit. So, let me tell you this. It is okay to cry and it is okay to let memories cloud your thoughts. After all, we are all humans and no one can ever have a heart that doesn't grieve or a soul that doesn't weep.

Friday, May 25, 2012


Relationships are supposed to keep you happy. No matter what relationship it is, it is supposed to keep you happy. And in fact if you tear more than you smile, then it is time you reflected on the importance of that particular relationship. This is a motto I am currently living by. The thing about us humans is that we are too binded with our emotions. We use our hearts too much and with that we get it bruised.
I am a person who listens to her heart more than she should, so if this is coming from me, it is time you paid attention. People, please take your brains with you when you are using your heart! Life is not all sugar. There is spice and there is extra spice too. If you are in a relationship, you can't be playing with your heart. You need to have some cognitive thinking going on.
You can't fix mended things and even if you do, they are never the same. The question is whether you would be able to live with the fact that it is as such. So, quit the tears and start thinking.
Here's what I would say to those having any sorts of relationship trouble right now.

1) People grow up. He grows up and she grows up. So, conclusion is people are not always the same. What that is new. fancy and shiny today will not be the same tomorrow. You gotta live with that fact darls.

2) Guys work this way. They would do anything in the world to have what they want. Cross oceans, swim in a muddy field of crocodiles, jump ofF the tallest building...oookay hang on, maybe not to that extent, but ya, you understand what I mean. TheY like the thrill of the chase rather than the content of owning it. So ya, ladies, that's just something you gotta come to terms with. He will not do the same things he did when he was courting you. That's just a very very sad fact indeed.

3) And my dear boys, she would get clingy and all. I mean, thats who we girls are! We are uttermost terrified of losing things that belong to us, and sure as hell that includes you! So instead of getting annoyed, why don't you prove to her how much she means to you? We think that love means more than what it really does, so ya. Sorry?

4) Relationships does not mean speaking to one another 24 hours a day, every minute. That is not what a relationship is. The big word here is TRUST. You just gotta trust him or her. If you truly loved that person, you would.

5) If you feel like there is something that is getting in between the both of you, TALK IT OUT! Talk people talk! Just say it out and get it over with! You cannot be happy if you have just even the slightest doubt in your heart. So, talk. I don't guarantee that it would get settled, but things would improve.

Alright, now that I have lashed out, let me wait for the bombs that would explode. My dear dames and damsels, if it is worth fighting for, then fight. If it is not worth fighting for, then leave. And how do you make your decision again? Simple. Close your eyes and ask your heart with the whispers of your brain.

PS: Relationships are supposed to keep you happy!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Bumping into the "Mr" version of me. :)

It is 2.11 in the morning of the 25th May and I think I am about to make someone's day a lot brighter. I am currently sitting crossed leg on my bed with the lights off and hearing to slow calming songs through my ear phones. My room mate is fast asleep next to me and I probably should be sleeping but insomnia and excitement that the hols are finally here is keeping me up, wide awake. And so I decided to tap a little on this darling blog of mine. And there is a particular topic or person I'd like to talk to you about.
Well, will I regret putting up this post? That would depend on the after effects of it. And you guys know I don't really discuss in depth about a person. So, why on Earth am I doing it now? Number one, that person wanted an honest impression written and number two, that person has made me go "woa". So ya.
There is this thing about people that I have always credited and appreciated, and that is the difference in opinions and thoughts. I have met a lot of people with similar values and beliefs as me but I have never met a person that was too much similar to me in thoughts. And there it goes, my whole idea of there is no one like me in this world broken up like a fragile glass. I feel like I am talking to a version of myself whenever I speak to this person and as such, I seriously enjoy the conversations that take place. It has been less than a month and I see myself through some one else's shoes. I wouldn't say that we are 100 % alike, but the similarities that make me go woa is there. So how does it benefit me? Surprisingly, it doesn't and I don't care.
Hence, why is it that I always have an immediate reply to a person who takes ages to reply me? You know I am not like that! It is because I sincerely like this person. I don't second guess myself or delete things before saying anything. It is unscripted and you gotta really like saying things without thinking. I like how this particular person puts up with anything that I say. And the fact that he calls me matured just makes my day. But am I matured? Only i have the answer to that.
I would say that meeting this person was something I never thought would happen and boom baam I am here today.I am glad though that this whole technology brought me face-to-face with a version of myself. This person respects women and that is a major score in my board. But I have learnt the hard way that people are not the same virtually and in reality. I won't lie to you, I do have my moments of doubt. But, I trust my instincts and ability to read people. And hence, I think I have just made a good friend online.
And to you, who is reading this, if you made it this far, congratulations! You will always be my muse. And to tell you a little secret, I don't and I mean it, never ever dedicate blog posts to people that are not close to me. So, give yourself a huge round of applause, you made it. How much you mean to me? Try reading me and you'll know. :)

Ps: You gotta grant me a wish for putting a smile in your face. :)

Lesson number 1 : Experience is a tough teacher, but a good one!

There is something about handing in the last exam paper and screaming your heart out that no other feelings in the world can match up to. I don't really know whether it is the excitement of looking forward for the holidays or the relief that all those sleepless nights and memorising theories is finally done and over with, it's just an unexplainable state of happiness that only college students can truly relate to.
Anyway, it goes without saying then that I have finally finished my examination and I am now a very free bird, I mean, for the next three weeks at least.
So, what's the plan you ask? Well, I have no idea! There is this long list of things I should do that I wrote down a few weeks earlier and I guess my work would be to strike off that list, an item at a time.
But, I shall insist here, with my most assertive voice that the goal is to look after myself really well. No scratching my heart, no poisoning my soul and no ignoring the needs of my body. I know I said that before, but let me be humble enough and admit to you that I did not follow through with my words. I leaned to far into the unknown land and bruised myself really bad. But I'm okay. I am healing, slowly at least. :)
Experience is a tough teacher but she is a good one. Hence, I appreciate the ones that have kicked me around like a football because I now know where I stand. And besides, life is all about learning! I'm more than happy to learn the hard way. :)

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The final battle. :)

Alright. Less than an hour to go. Does any one else here feel the same way as I do. I am just looking forward to handing in the paper and screaming my heart out. Why on Earth did I sign up for Moral as my elective again? I have no idea. I thought it would be a fun process and yet I am dieing here. I can almost see myself in a classroom having fun activities to educate the young ones on moral. However, i do not see any relevance in studying complex procedures and theories right now. Did the government miss a mark then in setting up the proforma and educational objectives for this particular subject in this course? Well, being lab rats doesn't help much, that's for sure.
Anyway, I am not burdening my thoughts and I am still staying calm. Paranoia hasn't kicked in yet. I sure hope it doesn't until the entire exam is done and over with.
See you guys in a bit. I am so going on a writing spree after this. Too many thoughts to be penned down! Wish me luck peeps. The final battle. :)

Sunday, May 20, 2012

No, I am not perfect, and never will be. But I am proud of who I am, flaws and all. :)

Writing has always been a means of me escaping from reality. You know how fairytale-minded I am and you also know how much I stress the fact that there is indeed a fairytale in every person's life. But I guess time and people have made me wiser. If not much, at least wiser enough to know where I stand. There are people who call me matured for my age and then there are people who say I am the most childish person they have ever met. I laugh at both sides but in reality I do not know where I stand.
However, I know this much. I value myself a lot. I really do not care about what people say. They do not live my life and as such, they have no say in how I should behave or how I should be. This is me and I am proud of who I am, flaws and all.

I am 21, yes, and I have no idea how this whole life works. I cry at the slightest thing that bugs me and I am ultra-sensitive. I care too much and true enough, when you care, you get hurt. I put family on the top of any list of priorities. I'm probably the most random person in this whole world and yet, I have boundaries.I can't cross roads without someone with me and yet I can drive perfectly well with no one by my side. Oh ya, while we are at it, let me tell you this, I have an intense fear of driving on rainy days. I love food probably more than I should, and I am not the slightest bit shy to admit that I have weight problems. I preach about loving yourself more than anyone in this wide world and yet, I dislike my cheeks, I think they puff up too much when I smile. I have days in which my hair does not behave and I really want to just chop them off, yet I look at myself in the mirror and think I have a "okay" kinda hair. I am about 155 cm tall. Not even the standard height for a girl and I like it. Ya, I have a huge crush on shoes and I have to literally tell myself a thousand times to not buy a pair of shoes whenever I enter any shoe shops. I am addicted to coffee and I am not kidding when I say this, I had to actually work out a plan to stop being so addicted to coffee. Yes, it was to that extent.
The conclusion is that, I am not perfect and I know it.
But really, take a look at me. I am proud of who I am, flaws and all. This is me. I do not know how to be anyone else. I am me. So, no I am not changing. You either take me for who I am or you are free to walk out of my life. I am happy both ways. And no, I do not chase after people who give up on me. I still have self-worth. But I will never give up on those I love, this much I am sure. :)

Monday, May 14, 2012

1 down, 4 more to go!

Here I am, on my bed, with a killer tummy pain, with no notes around me, and my heart all at home. I seriously feel like its already holidays when I have another 4 papers to sit for. Yes, I should have a reality check right about now.
Anyway, my entire apartment is empty. With the juniors off for their language camp, the only two people in this house right now is me and my room mate.And this is heaven I tell you! No noise, and no movements and just such serenity and peace. Alright, who am I kidding? You people know me too well! Yes, it is scary and I'm a little spooked out with this whole silence. But, do I appreciate the silence? Yes. I do. It's kinda nice too from all that noise I'm used to.
And so with that, I have successfully finished my very first final exam for semester 3 of my degree year. How was the paper? Let's just not go there, shall we? But, I gotta say, being the very first batch that is not flying to any other western, English countries, we are being treated like lab rats. The first paper to be made by the government. So no tips, no past year questions...its just a hassle. Ain't I lucky? Well, the only reason I came here was coz I didn't wanna leave home and fly. So ya. I am not gonna complain that much.
And as for the exams, I am trying not to think much of it. I can't handle all those anxiety and fear and mini heart attacks. I mean, I am just not a fan of exams. Hence, I am concentrating on devising my post exams plan. Where shall I go? What shall I do? Who shall I meet? I'm setting up reunions with those that I haven't seen in a while. Old friends and mates. I mean, life is so short that we never know what might happen when! So ya, I guess I just feel so distant from people nowadays. Hence, i am anticipating a action packed break. But you know me, more than anything, I just want to go back home and spend three weeks under the safe arms of mum, dad, sis, and Ruby and Dino. Home is where my heart always is.

PS: Why do I feel like writing and writing and writing when I should seriously be studying?

Saturday, May 12, 2012

For the beautiful lady I call Amma. :)

This is my beautiful mother. She had me though the doctors warned her there would be a certain complications to the delivery. She nursed me as soon as I hit the world and came down with a chicken pox. She taught me to read and write when I got so jealous that my sister was going to an actual kindergarten. She looked me in the eye and told me that in life I should always be bold, when I popped my balloon and started crying. She signed my every report cards though I did bring back bad grades occasionally. When I sat in a corner not knowing what to do, she told me I would make an awesome teacher. She has been there for me through my every decision which I took, though she was against most of it initially. She let me bring home a dog though she didn't want a pet at first, she let me be a mother at the age of 16 to two beautiful dogs who I call my own children, she let me turn into a vegetarian and still cook for me though she was never one and never will be one. She nags at me that I don't drink enough water or that I always seem to walk out of the room and not switch off the lights. She is my best friend to whom I can talk anything about and a life coach that guides me. I do not know what I will do if I do not have her with me. I just wanna say that no one can ever love me as much as she does, through years of being a mess and all. I am who I am today because she never gave up on me. I love you amma. I just love you so much.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Exams, Ghosts and Coffee-The nightmare.

I hate exams! Not coz of the studying but coz of the fact that my entire system, body, and heart included just shuts down on me. I become my own worst nightmare. You need prove? Well, it is 3.43 a.m and I am wide awake! That is prove folks! Not that I am an insomniac. I only turn into an insomniac during holidays with the movie marathons that I do. So ya. And just for the record, I broke my own no coffee rule promise I made to myself. But honestly, coming from an addict, I couldn't swallow the coffee that much now that it has been two whole weeks of being sober from coffee. So I can do it right? Stay away from coffee if I want? Now, that is a challenge I am going to put myself up for after I am done with this stupid nonsense exams.
I know what you are thinking. If I can't sleep, why on earth am I blogging rather than studying no? Well, I tried to. In fact I was doing really well before hearing all these noises around me! Wokay, before you give me that look, let me explain. I am not saying that there is this supernatural power or being around me. But, I am afraid k! I mean try being the only one in the hall in the middle of the night while the rest of your housemates sleep! It is scary! And no, I am not arguing with you on whether or not ghosts exist! I don't care! If I hear a sudden noise at 3 a.m I am going to quietly walk into my room and sit in the darkness and type in my blog and you shall not judge me for that!
It is not that I did not try sleeping. Which I did! But somehow knowing that I have no classes in the morning tomorrow, doesn't allow me to drift off to my beloved zzzzz-land. It's like my thoughts are screaming to me, saying wake up! wake up! The night is still young! So before I actually have a mental conversation with myself, which seriously is not one that I need right now, I decided to rant a little here.
And honestly, god bless you souls that actually read this. Honestly! Nah! Take a huge hug from me, for listening to me at this hour! *Bear hug*
By the way, before I forget! I am proud of myself today! I did something I am so proud off! I can;t really tell you in public, so ya, ask me if you see me k. And ya, if ever I am in FB for the next few days for longer than an hour, please chase me off! Love ya! :)

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Questions and Answers-I know I am worth it.

I am Miss Romance and Love, and you have to admit that I am quite good at relationships. The irony would be that it is due to the fact of watching too many people screw up their own relationships and of course years of being fully immersed in literature that concerns the heart. I seriously thought I was good at it until recently a friend looked me in the eye and asked, "If you know so much about the dating game and all, why are you still so single?". Woa. You cannot imagine how speechless I went with her question. I mean, it never struck me that perhaps a prince charming would not exist if I do not go out there and play the game myself. And I said to myself, "Oh c'mon, you are worth more than that". I spose that was my ego. And then another voice whispered, "You are not ready".
And then it hit me. I did not want to get hurt. And that is how I have seen relationships to be like. Hurt. So, I thought to myself, is it possible to associate love to be so fairytale alike if I was afraid that it would hurt? I'll tell you this. I felt like a hypocrite. I mean, I tell my friends all the time that in relationships there would be problems. However, there can only be one person angry and one person with a big heart to forgive. The relationship would go down the hills if both were angry. So, if you want him in your life, give in a little.
So, why is it that a girl who is so good with relationships still so single? No idea. Maybe when you stop looking for someone, you would find that someone for you. But I haven't even started looking, so...
But then again, when all is said and done, I am still someone who does not need someone special in her life to prove that she is worth it. I know my worth and I know that I can always take care of myself. I know that being single is not lonely for me. It is just the age and the people around me that seem to be mixing up my thoughts and hence, all these questions.
To all my single ladies, a toast to ourselves. Do not let judgments be passed down to your soul. You know you are worth more than anyone out there!

I want to be loved.

I want butterflies,
I want flowers for no reason,
I want to get kissed in the rain,
I want to fall asleep to the sound of his heart beating,
I want to kiss him and feel a spark,
I want to text back and forth until the sun comes up,
I want endless phone conversations,
I want to lie in the middle of a field with him,
I want him to kiss me on the nose,
I want to cuddle day and night
I want to slow dance in the rain
I want to be surprised
And most importantly, I want to be loved like no one has ever loved me.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Blue May-Right from the soul of a 21 year old!

We are in May! Let me cheer for myself for that for making through 4 cruel, tiring, exhausting yet somehow beautiful months. Remember how I said I was looking forward to starting my May with a big bang and having nothing but fun in this month despite the fact that May also means that it is the month of exams? Well, let me tell you that all those hopes and dreams and wishes if you may call it has already being dumped down the window and what is it? Only the 3rd May right now kan? Why you ask? I will tell you why!
The first May by itself was definitely one that I would remember. I managed to do something special for my darling baby brother here in college and those times spend with him and my batchmates would definitely be one that I would treasure for the rest of my life.
But then, May just got worst after the celebration! I promised myself that I would stay off coffee and chocolate for at least two months coz of well, you know how addicted I am to it both, especially coffee! But since then, I have been putting more chocolates in my mouth and well, we all know how bad that is for me and my health! And not to mention the one thing I have forgotten to do in which I just picked up the habit back again, drinking gaseous drink! Sometimes I wonder, what on earth am I doing? How can I stay oFf it for so long and then get hooked back to it? So, that being said, at least I still have the rest of the month to go to get back to my regular eating habits.
Let's move on then. Why is May still so horrendous for me? Well, I kinda sorta clashed with a friend that I thought I never would. But though that is settled, I still feel like there is something missing. My whole perception and stuffs, if you get what I mean, has really changed. It is hard to put it down in words because the feelings are too deep to be explained. Maybe it is time I looked into stuffs seriously. You know like stop doing things without thinking? Will I manage to then?
And moving on, May is still so horrendous coz well, I feel blue. I mean, I know I am probably the most happiest girl in the planet at times, starting from the time I wake up...but still, I feel kinda sorta that my soul is lost. And where on earth do I have to go pick it up? No freaking idea! I have been having dreams that indicates that I am not satisfied with my life and that things are indeed changing around me (Well, if you must know, i do google to find out what on earth my dreams mean). Well, changes are for good, or so i believe, but the one thing that I can't help is all these negative vibes and blue feelings around me. I just wanna run back home into the arms of mum and dad and sis and Ruby and Dino. I seriously just wanna throw my hands up in the air and say, "I am so done with all these". But that is not me. I am a fighter and I know that I will never ever give up on things I truly set my heart to. So, even if I am losing this internal battle in me, I am gonna stay and fight.
So what is all these then? Pre exam stress and tense? No idea. But I just know that I am growing up. And I do not like growing up and maturing and bla bla! Please, can I just have a time machine? I do not like being 21!