Thursday, May 3, 2012

Blue May-Right from the soul of a 21 year old!

We are in May! Let me cheer for myself for that for making through 4 cruel, tiring, exhausting yet somehow beautiful months. Remember how I said I was looking forward to starting my May with a big bang and having nothing but fun in this month despite the fact that May also means that it is the month of exams? Well, let me tell you that all those hopes and dreams and wishes if you may call it has already being dumped down the window and what is it? Only the 3rd May right now kan? Why you ask? I will tell you why!
The first May by itself was definitely one that I would remember. I managed to do something special for my darling baby brother here in college and those times spend with him and my batchmates would definitely be one that I would treasure for the rest of my life.
But then, May just got worst after the celebration! I promised myself that I would stay off coffee and chocolate for at least two months coz of well, you know how addicted I am to it both, especially coffee! But since then, I have been putting more chocolates in my mouth and well, we all know how bad that is for me and my health! And not to mention the one thing I have forgotten to do in which I just picked up the habit back again, drinking gaseous drink! Sometimes I wonder, what on earth am I doing? How can I stay oFf it for so long and then get hooked back to it? So, that being said, at least I still have the rest of the month to go to get back to my regular eating habits.
Let's move on then. Why is May still so horrendous for me? Well, I kinda sorta clashed with a friend that I thought I never would. But though that is settled, I still feel like there is something missing. My whole perception and stuffs, if you get what I mean, has really changed. It is hard to put it down in words because the feelings are too deep to be explained. Maybe it is time I looked into stuffs seriously. You know like stop doing things without thinking? Will I manage to then?
And moving on, May is still so horrendous coz well, I feel blue. I mean, I know I am probably the most happiest girl in the planet at times, starting from the time I wake up...but still, I feel kinda sorta that my soul is lost. And where on earth do I have to go pick it up? No freaking idea! I have been having dreams that indicates that I am not satisfied with my life and that things are indeed changing around me (Well, if you must know, i do google to find out what on earth my dreams mean). Well, changes are for good, or so i believe, but the one thing that I can't help is all these negative vibes and blue feelings around me. I just wanna run back home into the arms of mum and dad and sis and Ruby and Dino. I seriously just wanna throw my hands up in the air and say, "I am so done with all these". But that is not me. I am a fighter and I know that I will never ever give up on things I truly set my heart to. So, even if I am losing this internal battle in me, I am gonna stay and fight.
So what is all these then? Pre exam stress and tense? No idea. But I just know that I am growing up. And I do not like growing up and maturing and bla bla! Please, can I just have a time machine? I do not like being 21!

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