When you fall too deep...:(

Dear heart, what are you doing to me? I feel so hyper one minute and feel so insecure the next. I do not wish to blame you because I know its not your fault. So shall I blame it on fate? Honestly, I don't know. No one is willing to listen because it's not their life and no one is going through what I am. I asked GOD to show me the way and I believe HE is trying to. Maybe this is not my fate after all. Will my heart be crushed if it was not? All I do know is that I have never felt this way before for I know the difference between all that I have carried in my heart. I wish so badly for this to be what I want it to be yet I know it is fairly impossible. I believe in fate and I know that GOD has carved my life for me. Its just the wait that is killing me. I have fallen too deep and I'm trying to climb back up. Slowly. One step at a time.

LOVE vs LIKE

Differences between love and like:

(pls comment peeps..wat do u think)

In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you like , you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring
But in front of the person you like, winter is just a beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

In front of the person you love, you can' t say everything on your mind
But in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy
But in front of the person you like, you can show your ownself.

Then person you love comes into your mind every 2 minutes.
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye
And the feeling of like starts from the ear.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like
All you need to do is cover your ears,
But if you try to close your eyes
Love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after.

Author Unknown

I found this online and it brightened my day.

-I'm sick!!-

Sick! OMG! I'm sick! Can you believe it? Me..of all person! I thought I had a pretty amazing immune system! Drowsiness, light-headed, vomiting, diarrhea, headache, stomach pain...ALL AT ONCE!

I hate to be sick! I don't believe in the cure of medicines! I believe in the cure of love. Needless to say though, obviously I went to the clinic in the morning and got some medicines n ya, a stupid injection which hurt! I feel a lot better now and I have not eaten anything since morning coz somehow it finds its way back out of my throat. So, what should i do? I guess starve! I so badly want to be healthy tomorrow and i wish i would be. I just hate being sick!!!!!!!!!

Homesick + stressed = Depression

Stressed and stressed! It's that idiotic phase of assignments again! Gosh, I hate it! I honestly do. I have no time to do anything and I am sitting here wishing I could do everything else but assignments. I wish I was at home. I miss my folks so much. I miss my kids so much! I miss the way Ruby wakes me up in the mornings and I miss Dino's tantrums. I miss being a mum! I miss fussing over them! I miss shopping for groceries with my mum. I miss the late nights talk I had with my sis. I miss running errands for my dad. I just miss everything and it has been only 4 days since I'm back in IPBA and obviously I'm going back tomorrow but it's just not the same. I want to be at home every single day. I'm feeling so stressed up with my hectic schedule and I honestly need the cure of love from home. Sigh...If only....

Confused.

I'm currently here in the icy cold library with the presence of Bagya trying to complete our BM assignment. I like the quietness with a hint of chatter. It makes me feel safe. And that's rarely how I feel nowadays. I'm falling for someone I shouldn't. I feel so confused and I don't know where to go for answers. I don't trust anyone easily and I know I'm keeping my guard up. Why isn't my heart listening to what my mind is saying?

Back to December.

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side and
Realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came,
The dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine and
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright and
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to December all the time

I'm addicted to this song and I know why. It is my most treasured secret. Maybe it is time I told someone.

I'm 20!

Let me start of with saying that i had an awesome birthday! I wish to feel the same way as I did on birthdays to come, loved. The greatest gift a human can ever have is love and I had tons of that. I don't believe in giving presents because it marks and measures the amount of love you have for a person. I'm more of a "wish" sort of person. The moment you wish me, I feel so happy. Yet, people proved me wrong this year by showering me with lots of gifts. I feel so blessed to have them in my life. Right from my own family to friends I consider family. Thank you guys so much! God bless each and every one of those souls that watched me turn 20!

So, how is life as a 20 year old? Not bad i must say. Though people don't really treat me all that different just because I'm 20, I feel different! I feel as though I can conquer the world! Maybe hitting 20 made me finally grow up! Who knows...

Now I know that there is no point in wishing for a different world because the world that I currently live in is pretty kick-ass awesome. A year has passed since that unforgettable incident and I'm slowly learning to accept change and raise my head up to smile. To finally smile from within.

Ps: I don't think there is anyone out there that can be as excited as I am in turning 20!

The last few days as a teenager.

Can you believe a year has passed already? I can barely remember the joy of turning 19 and now im about to hit the big 20. It is scary. I am having nightmares of growing up. I know things would change. I know I have to finally "grow up". I can't say i'm not excited and yet i can't say im looking forward to it. As of now, I'm feeling nothing. I feel so lifeless. It's like everything is thrown my way. People expect me to be different, and its hard. Honestly, it is. In less than 48 hours, i will lose the status of being a teen. Its adulthood baby! Bring it on!

pS: Maybe love is written all over my charts of 2011...Who knows right? Who knows....:)

1st February: Time to change!

What do you do when confusion steps in? Where do you go for assurance if you are insecure? Every single day people walk this face of earth with so many problems. Each and every one of us. The person sitting next to you in the train, the elderly man in the bank, the lady crossing the road, the girl with the pink bag, the boy with his spunky hairstyle...everyone. Why is it that we fail to understand the way a person feels? Why is it that the hardest thing to do in life is to understand another human being? I know I don't make much sense here. It's so hard for me to write about what i really feel. So much to say yet I fail to do so.

Ps: A person may not remember all you say but they will definitely remember how you made them feel. *just a reminder*