-Respect-

Alright fine, i may not be the most prettiest girl u have ever met nor the most smartest. I may not be the world's most perfect daughter nor the most "cool" friend. But, I am someone. And sometimes all i ask for is for you to show me some respect!

Ps: No matter how many times i tell myself to let it go, i just can't!

-The way YOU make me feel-

Well, it has been really tough(exaggerating) here..but I don't know how else am i supposed to describe all that has been going on in my life for a while now...

I don't know where to start or where to end. I know i m not supposed to feel this way but I do...What am I to do? I'm just caught in the middle. You can let this feeling go girl..Just try..And try I shall...

ps: Should I or should I not?

-A tad bit broken hearted-

Honestly, I have no idea why I am posting this here. It should be left in a deep part of my heart. I don't know what to say. I know my heart broke when i saw that status update. Maybe it is wrong to say that I don't want you to leave but I can't stop myself from thinking so. All I can say is that God bless you, wherever you are.

P.S : No one will understand this post n I'd prefer it to stay that way.

-Of dresses n shoes-

Yeay! Masquerade night is on! I was quite depressed to know that they have decided(or more towards forced) to change its name. I am not quite sure what they have in mind but i am sure it will be a good one(fingers crossed).

Anyway, let me talk or write..either way, i love to talk! so hear me out ya..

Last Sunday, my mom and I went shopping(with full me-like happy intonation)! We went to Klang Parade in a hope to find a mask for the now-changed Masquerade night. I couldn't find any but i did stumble upon a dress! Another hooray! Yes, I bought it! (you know me)

So, currently i m in deep thought..which one should i wear...which look should i go for..Should i wear my short simple black dress or my long a lil bit pink+ black dress? *still thinking* both are new..well, i haven't decided..so, pick one out for me ya..which look would u prefer me to be in? i kinda like the short one coz i can show off my shoes but then again i dont want to violate dress codes at ipba(u noe wat i mean)..anyhow, i m excited!! *3 days to go*

-wondering-

when life gives you a million reasons to grieve, show life that you have a million reasons to smile.

I have always loved the above quotation. It holds such deep, profound meaning. In fact, not many grasp its true meaning. What I wish to highlight here is that everyone thinks that their life is hard, but you have to always know that there are people out there in a much dire situation than the one that you are currently in. Fine, i do not wish to sound like a professor, but seriously, life doesn't revolve around you one person..Why do many people fail to see that? Just asking..

*in wonder mood*

-LOVE-

alright..i m feeling very down n the worst part of it is that i don't know why!

even my player keeps on playing me sad love songs..oh...c'mon im single k! n i have been single for like forever! but, u r only a object..so i guess you wouldn't know..sigh

but hey, talking about love...(suddenly all bright eyed)

have you ever listened to a song and immediately clicked with it? I do all the time...which is sorta weird i guess..

i have a good friend, posh(novia hana) n we r like twins! seriously...emotionally i mean..especially where love is concerned...we fall madly head over heels for an artist n yes, we crush a lot..we have never been in a relationship before n are proud of it! n yes we both believe in prince charming's!

but, moving on..let me tell u guys something..

i am a mum n being a mum is tough! but nothing beats the feeling of getting a wakeup kiss from dino and certainly nothing beats the feel of hugging ruby right before bed..hence, i m asking what is it that a guy can give me that they cant? how does it feel to be in love if i m already loved so much at home? why is it that everyone is rushing to get in a relationship?

my advice for single people out there:

yes..everyone dreams of a perfect relationship..n yes it does exist..somewhere out there in the universe, your other half does exist..but there is no point getting in and out of relationships just to find "the one"..life will eventually bring u to that person..all u have to do is trust..trust yourself n above all, trust GOD...happy trusting!

He holds me when I start to cry, makes me smile with just his eyes. He shares my hopes, dreams, fears and wipes away all my tears. I love him without regret, I just haven't found him yet...

-Will u wash away my sorrows?-

Sigh..It is raining..Every time it rains, I love to drench myself in the rain. I love the feel of the sharp raindrops as it touches my skin. It just makes me feel special. As though there is no troubles..life is nothing but easy..thats how the rain makes me feel...

ps: will u dance with me in the rain?

Tagged!

yeay! i am tagged for the very first time in my blogging world! thx for the tag bff!!

so, here we go...

(a) Write 23 random facts about yourself!

(b) Tag this to at least five person.

(C) Follow the rules because this is where the fun begins.

a)

1)My family consist of daddy, mummy, a sister who is older by just a year, and my two children, Ruby and Dino!

2) I am a mum at 19!!

3) I am a very sensitive person..or used to be..either way, i m quite sensitive..tears flow very easily for me..my sis says that i have a "water tap" in me that i can switch on at any time that i like!

4) It may sound ridiculous, but I have this deep believe that my prince charming exist out

there n he will sweep me of my feet n make me a princess(yes, i believe in fairy tales)

5) I like being busy! I love the adrenaline rush that i feel when i know i have tons of work to

do!( a bit weird, yes i know)

6) I never knew specifically what i wanted to do with my life...i decided to let God decide for me..and..here i am today, a teacher trainee..

7) I used to dislike kids so much! but after the school visit programme during language camp, i have grown to love kids!'

8) I like being in control and hate to be controlled!

9) I go crazy when i see shoe shops!

10) I always put my heart over mind..which can be troublesome at times..

11) I use the phrase "sayang" n "my dear" very often..

12) I care deeply about issues such as feminine rights, and animal rights!

13) I make friends very easily..i can warm up to people in a matter of seconds!

14) I like being the peace maker!

15) I think that i am far too matured for my age but i tend to hide it!

16) I have never been in a relationship before and im very proud of it!

17) The status quo is never good enough for me!

18) I am very determined when i get involved with a project! all i think of is winning winning n winning!

19) I have this desire to adopt a child when i have enough money in the future( probably even before getting married..hu knows)

20) I have nervous breakdowns very often! breathe raevarthy..breathe...

21) i am egoistic but i believe everyone shud have a certain amount of ego in them!

22) I am a very romantic person! i love romantic novels, movies, songs...

23) last but not least, i am a family oriented person! family always comes first for me!

b) since i have not much people following my blog..i have decided not to tag anyone..sorry ye...

*hugs and kisses*

signing off,

princess raevarthy

-Macbeth n me : The Finale-

It has all come to an end. No more practices at 9 p.m and no more "members of the floor pls keep quiet" chants..No more "i need more emotions" and no more " i sayang u guys so make me proud ye!" mantras.

Right from the above title, u would know that i do miss them so much. Macbeth has officially marked my entry into the world of direction and yes I can't wait to do it again. Everything comes to an end, eventually. Shall i say that saying this goodbye does hurt somewhere deep in my heart? It wouldn't be a lie of i did so. While the rest are relieved that it is over, I kinda wish i had the chance of doing it all over again. I will definitely miss being sorta like a mum to this bunch of people.

Yet, I am definitely happy to say that it all worked out. Everything fell into it's place right on time. We managed to pull this through and I am most certainly proud of them, all my act 2 cast and crew. Hence, i dedicate this post to the 38 sayangs that i have in both FP 2.5 n Fp 2.6.

From the bottom of my heart, i thank u guys for being there for me...I leaned on you all n u guys definitely held me through it all..We had so many problems and there was so many times in which i was on the verge of tears..But, looking at your passion in Macbeth, i found my inner strength to hold on. I know this sounds very emotional but that is just who i am. I am very sorry if i had done or said anything that hurt any one of you. Honestly, i will miss being the "princess" director.

Lets all remember the good and put the bad behind us. After all, it is not the destination that matters but the journey. I am sorry and I love you guys so much!

-tonight is the night-

It's finnaly here! Macbeth night! I'm far too nervous..beyond words! Ok, calm down raevarthy...calm down...just breathe..there you go....

everything is in its place..the costumes are ready..make-ups have been bought n tried out...

props are all set..the stage has been marked...

my actors have gone through with their lines one last time last night...

stage manager is calm...she noes what she is doing

my sound crew, is ready with the sound effects

my technician is all ready to play with the lights..

backdrop has gone up...

my curtain guy is prepared...

alright..everything looks good...

then, why on earth am i this nervous??????

C'mon director, u noe u can count on these bunch of crazy yet responsible people!

Well, its a bit sad to think that it's all going to come to an end soon..all our efforts and hard work...i noe i sound emo but that is just me...i have this longing in my heart to do it all over again...right from the beginning...n i would not change anything..because that is what made us who we are today! Act 2 guys and girls, lets rock the stage tonight!

-Too much drama-

Yes, it is the season of Macbeth but the drama that i am referring to ain't got nothing to do with Macbeth...It is everything around me...the people around me.... sometimes, i feel like im floating outside my body, watching ever patiently all that happens..everyday is a brand new day..nothing is the same...my emotions change...somehow, i feel im gng through the dreadful period of pre-teen life again..

Once again, somehow i lost trust on a person that i used to admire the most..i always told my mum that a teacher should be as dedicated as him..i feel sad typing this out..but maybe we fail to notice his mood swings or maybe we just ignored it..but it was wrong for him to make one of my best girlfriend cry...my heart weeped in silence as she wailed deeply into her sleeves...i am sorry i did not back u up..then again, all of us are syg...

i always believe that it is hard to tell, or to explain to someone about something if they choose not to hear and that is what he did.He shut his ears to our explanation. Hence, i have taken a decision to not care anymore..Quoting from Jaaz, "Who cares??!"

In another corner of my life, i have people that i love in deep trouble..trouble that they cant even splutter out..just take care hon, i m always here for you...

And yet, in a much happier tone, my sis will be back for the July hols...Honestly, i need her here.i need to be with her..i need to sense that my family life is back to normal...although normal seems to be very far away now...i m still having difficulties letting go of what happened..i try not to think about it..i m not trying to forget it..n even if i try, it somehow resurfaces...such a deep wound in my heart n i still can't find a band-aid or a cure...hope gives some light..but trust me when i say it is not enough...sometimes all u can do is hope i guess..

Sometimes in life, you let go of all the pointless drama and the people that bring it because you know you are much better off without them..In my case, i m choosing not to let go...maybe it will make me a stronger person, maybe it will cripple me..either way, im all ready for the journey!

more of me( a pretty long post!)

Today proved to be another challenge for me....Personally, I have had some issues that i had to deal with concerning our play and now i can only wonder whether our efforts would be worth it.. I have calmed down a lot backstage(which is a good sign i suppose).. previously, i had nervous breakdowns(maybe i am nervous in behalf of the rest because they always seem to be much more relaxed)..

Let me break it down for you..This is what happened...

Right after our previous rehearsal, a good friend of mine summoned me up and started commenting(mind you, really bad comments) about our act... I admit it took me by surprise..even to the extent that i did not have enough time to defend my act(sorry fellow actors)..I was already having a pretty bad day, hence, it made things worse...I was in the verge of tears, but i did not cry(hooray to me!)..anyway, i always believe that things happen for a reason..hence, i m fully over those comments passed down..he has learned his lesson, im sure..

Anyway, let me move on to the next event(a major one indeed)..Masquerade night!

Well, i love dressing up! So, i have been looking around for a dress that would transform me into a princess on that night and yes i did find one...well, my cousin sis borrowed me hers in which i have been tip toeing around the house(of course with ruby and dino right behind me)..well, i was elated! happy, excited!! every single emotion related to joy! yes, it felt good to look into the mirror and see a princess smiling back! Yet, my joy was short lived because my tailor told me that it is impossible to repair the damage on the dress(yes, it was sorta torn when she gave me..but i thought i could piece them back together)...hence, the dress has been returned ever since to its rightful owner, with much regret i must say...but, i have a black dress..one that i never thought i would wear..i bought it exclusively for my birthday that went uncelebrated(you know y....) but i guess, it is simple then for me..no princess but just a normal girl(but, i still insist that i m a princess at heart)..anyway, i conclude here that i still am thinking on whether i should attend this so-hyped about event,.....lets see how my mood is on that day...

Moving on, let me just say this, i have a crush!! yes..he is real n yes he is drop dead gorgeous!! Lee, i love you! For those of you living under a cave, Lee is a contestant on American Idol. He can sing(really well) n he is cute!! double cute!! triple cute!! well, he is cute! I hadn't been watching American Idol for a long time(yes im living under a cave called ipba)..so, it came by a surprise when i watched the recap last saturday night..there are only 4 contestants left n i hope Lee wins... Lee, hon, u r cute!!(as though he is going to read this!)..i dun care..U R CUTE!!

With much rambling, i hope you had fun reading this...n i leave you with one last word..I have a crush on a guy that doesn't know i exist! Honestly Raevarthy, you need to get a life!