Friday, May 27, 2011

Sem break. Day 1. :)

Wokay. It's the very first day of a long break and I'm happy to be at home. Home is where you are allowed to act crazy with no questions asked. The only thing that saddens me at this point is the absence of my sister. And the worse part of all is the fact that she would be returning home on the week I step my foot back into IPBA. There goes my late night gossips plan, and my shopping trips. Gosh. I miss her. Honestly. We may not have the perfect sisterly relationship but we love each other and that's all that matters right?
Anyway, I'm honestly very scared that this 3 weeks will pass by so quickly without me even realising it. And I'm also very much terrified that I will lose grip on my inspiration and desire to change for the better.I'm holding on tight though. I just hope that it's good enough. To those who are laughing at my plans of changing, I'll see who has the last laugh later!
One aspect of that big changes is that I should update my blog at least once a day. So, this counts for today's entry. I know it's not much, but its not the quantity that counts. Its the heart. I'm seriously thinking of setting up a few other blogs in which I can express my views as a teacher trainee as well as one that highlights the romantic aspect of me. As for this blog...I started it when I was in a deep mess and it holds so much memory of comforting me and as served as a loyal best friend so i'm not letting it go. I will continue to keep this one personal.
I just hope I have the time to do everything my heart wants. I hope I succeed in this quest of searching for myself.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The dawn of a new life.

Sometimes words are not enough to say all that you feel and sometimes there is no need to do so.I have left a tiny part of me to be buried forever. Its no longer the act of sweeping my heart under the carpets to be rediscovered when I'm lonely and in need of a familiar thing to hold on to. I now believe that this is the path for me. I have made a choice. A significant one indeed and one that I was afraid of earlier on.
Life is only lived once. Sometimes there is no need to make the right turn and sometimes you need to fall and crash before speeding on. I have chose to speed on towards a different life. A life with so much adventure and one that is random and unpredictable.
My life has been nothing but a big mess and sometimes we have to learn to push the mess away, sweep out the dust and simply move on. I have washed away my sorrows and am now ready for a life with no regrets. And with nothing but happiness. I'm contented and that's all that matters.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Changes are always for the better right?

Honestly, I have so much to say. Like so much. Well, I've always been a tad bit talkative right? Reminds me of the time I was 5 back at my kindergarten, Tadika Ria. The teachers always wrote that I talked too much in class in each and every progress report of mine. I guess that part of me hasn't changed.
Either way, I have come to realise that changes are good. Well, literature exam could have something to do with it I suppose. I was sitting in the examination hall penning down the themes of "Village by the sea" by Anita Desai and then it struck me. (I know I get my inspirations at the weirdest time of the day). Either way, it struck me in that icy cold room that I am afraid of changes. I do not like to switch things up a notch coz I'm very much afraid of the consequences.
Yet, I have learnt to loosen up a little in this past months. It has certainly been a good learning process. And today, I did something I have never ever done in my life and honestly, I had no regrets. I had an amazing post-exam day. I may not know it now but these are the little memories that I would eventually carry to my graves. Memories that made me happy. We don't really remember things people said but we certainly do remember the way they made you feel. I have acquired good friends throughout this first semester here in IPBA and it saddens me to say that it's my last night here as a first-year, first-sem degree student.
When life gives you a million reasons to grieve, you should always find that one reason to hold on and I've learnt that the hard way. So, guess what? I'm not throwing away bits and pieces of me but I'm certainly adding on to the equation of my personality. I remember Dr.Boon's lecture on self-concept in which she briefly explained that a person's personality is something you can't change. If my memory serves me right, she said that it was an innate quality of an individual.
Either way, I do not believe in that. You can certainly change if you set your heart to. My mission in life is to live each day happy. So, if im happy then im good. I do not need to complicate myself with issues and stuffs. I'm hardly a matured adult. I'm only 20! So, its time to let down my hair and have some fun. Time to throw away those glasses and stop hiding behind my books( something my best friend still insist i do). Its time to go blindly into the pouring rain without a destination because I know God loves me and he is there to guide me through this journey we call life. It's finally time I turned my life around. After all, change is always for the better right?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Update 1-post first paper

So im just done with my first paper of sem 1 and honestly it was a killer paper, not in a good way. My spirit has been down for the last few hours due to certain unexplainable reasons. It's as though i'm meant to be there and yet im not. I hope GOD isn't angry with me. It's not really my fault right? Anyway, the last thing i need now is for someone to tell me it's going to be okay coz it's not. There are going to be killer papers next week too and how on earth am i supposed to survive if im not given any form of stuffs that my heart wants? Confused? I am too! Blame it on the stupid philosophy paper people! Either way, seeing people happy makes me happy and im super happy for the rest of my batch who are out there celebrating the fact that we are done with the first paper. As for me, I guess im a loner today. Going to lean against my huge pink teddy with a mug of coffee pretending everything is alright. Only this four walls understand how i feel i suppose. But hey, you don't always get what you want right? So, im happy, in a twisted, weird sorta way.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

More confusion.

in a confused state over here. Wishing for something to happen is different from really wanting it to happen right? Or is it? Wokay. Let me tell you how all this confusion started. My awesome roommate n me speak of everything under the world and we come up with stupid analogies, which are not really stupid coz its fun. Anyway, we came up with a "baby theory" n "my isshanth" (ask me personally what it is and i'll say..its too embarrassing to state it here). And then it struck me. All that we do on a daily basis. Do we really do them because we want to or because its really the right thing to do? I mean, i sit here wishing all day long for a life with "my someone" n that doesn't mean it will happen right? Do i really want what im wishing for? Or is it just my mind and heart playing tricks? I really don't get it. Seriously confused. And oh yeah peeps, my exam is tomorrow so i should really get off fb and blogger. Anyway, wish me luck ya!

In full exam not a good thing!

So this is me here after a few days...still the same old me. In less than 80 hours time i'll be sitting for my gruesome finals which im pretty sure is going to be tough. The fact that i'm a first year degree student is finally settling in. So, how's my preparation you ask? Well, i had never been a big fan of exams.I practically loath exams. Why can't we be tested on practical skills instead of facts that are inevitably something i would forget the moment i walk out of the examination hall. Well, it would take a whole new generation of leaders to revamp the current education system and im pretty sure i'll be dead by the time the policy is signed and the deal is sealed. Well, at least my future granddaughters would be the lucky ones.
By the way, i am extremely sleepy, regretting the fact that i decided to return to ipba today instead of tomorrow, and i really feel like burning my philosophy book. The typical life of a teacher trainee.
I'm saying lots n lots of prayers, asking for the strength to hold on and not give up, asking HIM to show me the way and you know what i know HE will. Somehow it will all work out at the end right? Just have faith Raevarthy and don't stop believing.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My very first date.

My very first date. I just woke up and feel a little down, partially due to the fact that exams are on its way to do a massive murder on all of us. But still, a girl needs her entertainment right? So, it struck me. My very first date. How would I like it to be like. Nothing short of romance, that's for sure. I'm just too romantic when it comes to these stuffs. Wokay, lets see..
1) I must really like the person I am going on a date with
2) He must wear a sort of formal mixed with casual...just look like he made an effort and I'll be happy.
3) Take me somewhere that is not noisy. Dates should be intimate( goes to every girls out there)
4) Give me flowers and tell me I look beautiful.
5) Allows me to place my own order but helps out.
6) Holds the door for me.
7) When we reach an argument in a topic, lets say when we unknowingly start debating on something, he should let me win. (but don't give up, just pretend like you are out of points)
8) Pay the bill! Dear guys out there, a true gentleman always pays on the first date!
9) Don't pick up or reply any messages during the entire period of the date.
10) Don't immediately go back after the date. Just take a little walk with me( I love to take a stroll after eating).

Wokay done! Thats it for now I suppose. Above all, just be a gentleman. Awww...there you go. How my very first date should be like. Of course reality is way different from fantasy...but a girl is allowed to dream right?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

sem 1: all about growing up!

wokay! it has been a few days since i blogged which is partially due to the absence of my compaq charger which decided to pass away suddenly. Anyway, before i start creating more complexed sentences, let me get to the point. So, as you know, finals are next week. And, im so freaked out! It feels as though it was yesterday that i registered myself for year 1 and suddenly 4 months has passed. It has been such a roller coaster ride that there are no enough words to pen down all that I have been through.
IPBA is such a strange place. It teaches you so much on life more than any other subjects. I walked into my year 1 with so much hopes and such determination like no other. Now that the first sem is about to be over, I cant help but reflect on what has happened this past few months.
I have become someone new. And I'm happy about it.
I have met so many new people and recreated bonds with some old friends.
I have learned a lot.
I have looked for myself within my soul and I have found something I can hold on to.
I have grown up to be a young women I am proud of!

Life as a 20 year old is fun!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Another day and the feelings are the same! :)

Someone asked me about the prince charming I keep referring to in my blog posts and fb status updates and I can only blush. I have come to realise that I blush a lot nowadays. I smile for no reason and I laugh a lot. I guess it all depends on who you spend most of your time with. And since I have an awesome roommate that listens attentively when I speak of princes, fairy tales, shoes, n bla makes a difference.
Anyway, my analogy is very simple. You have to believe that there is someone out there for you. I mean we are told this over and over again right? (especially when you are single) But, that doesn't mean that you cant occasionally have crushes that make you smile for no reasons. It might be the rush of hormones, as some people put it. But for me, its simple, you can never tell your heart to feel what you want to feel. The human heart..ahh..too complexed. So, let it go. The boundaries, resistance n all..let it go. Fall madly in love with a person that rarely talks to you! After all, life is too short to be anything but happy!