-I'm daddy's little girl-

A father is the pillar of strength of a family. He works hard, day and night for you, his prince and princess. I know this may sound cliche, but hey, without a father, you wouldn't be here today. There are only two types of people in this world. The first, someone who knows its better to be queit than to voice out. And then there's people like me. The rebellious, know-it-all, i-can-conquer-the-world, never-giving-up-for-what-she-believes-in type of people.
Let me tell you something. Any parent would never dream of having a daughter like me. At least, thats what i think. Yes, I'm anyones nightmare. But, you know what, I'm proud to be me. There is no another daughter like me out there and I know that regardless of what the society percieves me of, my dad loves me. Im rebellious, I do shout, n yes I never give up. But hey, that sounds a lot like someone I know..yes, my dad. I'm a carbon copy of him..at least where attitude is concerned. So, this father's day, daddy's little girl, a.k.a me, would like to wish the first guy in her life, a happy father's day. I love you pappa and will do so always.

PS: Me: Pa, I wanna pair of heels.
The old him : You have enough already!
The new him: I'll buy for you tomorrow. I'll buy for you whatever you want.

I'm blessed to have a dad like him. I promise you pa, i'll always make you proud of me. You may have changed following the incident but you are still my life coach and best friend. I love you.

-Teenage love: You never know where it takes you-

Alright i admit. My heart does skip a beat each time I see HIS name pop up in my chat list. But hey, what am I to do? I don't dare say hello. Fine. It is ego. HE should say hello first. Call me old-fashioned, but I am a girl and HE is a guy. You do the math. I really shouldn't feel this way. I mean I know HE doesn't think of me as much as I do of HIM. Nor does HE know I exist, well literally. Maybe I should just wait and perhaps, HE will be mine one day.*sigh*

Ps: Above is just an excerpt of what most single girls feel whenever they see the so-called "perfect guy" that they dream of, online. Well, my advice is, if you never make the first move, it will forever remain a mystery. Maybe it will end up as not meant to be, but hey, you have to try because if you haven't really tried, you haven't lived. So, go ahead and say hello. Remember, you never know where life takes you! Good luck!

-Another view of life-

Sometimes you never know why something happens, but it does nevertheless. I am not here to tell you about how my life sucks (which it doesn't btw), but I'm here to tell you about a show I watched yesterday.
I love Oprah. I mean who wouldn't? She is my inspiration and I do love watching "The Oprah Winfrey Show". Anyway, yesterdays show proved to be an eye opener for me. Entitled "Inside the minds of child molesters", Oprah sat down with 4 convicted child molesters and rapist and spoke with them. It was one of the most truthful heart-to-heart conversation I have ever heard. There was one elderly guy, who molested his own granddaughter, a father who raped his daughter for a few years, an uncle who molested and then went on to rape his niece for 12 years, and another serial child rapist. It was heartbreaking to hear what they said. They described each incident. But, what made it worse was when all 4 of them said that they thought they were giving pleasure to their victims. Pleasure????My foot!I never understood why children keep quiet when it happens. But, now I do. It is scary to think that there are people like that around us. What more do parents have to do to protect their child? When can we actually walk out of our homes feeling really safe?

-PMS: Pre or Post?-

PMS. Yes, the big word. PMS. Every girl's nightmare and even worse for the guys. You know. It's that time of the month. When everything and everyone appears to be too cruel and the sensitivity button..ermm..you wouldn't want to push that. I love being a girl but I hate the every month dreadful phase of my menstrual cycle. (WARNING: If this appears to be of too much info, please leave now)

PMS stands for pre menstrual syndrome which includes nausea, headache, too much anger and too much tears, well, it is like that for me. But, there's a catch. I feel perfectly alright throughout my menstrual cycle period and in fact I don't have a single pre menstrual syndrome. But, you know when it starts? All the yelling and crying done on my part starts after its over. Hence, I drew a conclusion that I have post menstrual syndromes. Not Pre but Post. Guess that makes me special huh?

Well, whatever it is, post or pre, it still sucks. I hate feeling the way I do when it happens, but at least I can blame my mood swings on PMS! That's why its nice being a girl, well that, and a million other reasons, which I will get to writing soon.

Anyway, a girl is special. Treat her right and she will make you her world. You have got to accept her at her worst, with or without PMS. And trust me, without is way better than with.

PS: Guys have PMS too! Anyone dare correct me on that?

-Day 2 of the hols-

Its day 2 of the hols and honestly, I'm feeling all sick and tired. I need something new in my life. I know I sound like a spoiled immature child, but hey, a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do. I need to shop! Gosh, I miss her! I miss shopping with her! Orang Indon, come back faster!

Alright, so lets recap. What have I done so far for the hols? I have watched too much television and I have cooked a little(which is good). I really need to get away from the TV. It is so addictive! As for the cooking, well, I have always had this habit to get hooked on something all of a sudden. I guess my current craze is cooking.

Anyway, I am happy to be away from IPBA yet I am missing it. I am missing the chaotic life over there. But, hey, its a three weeks break. Who am I kidding? I may miss the life over there but i think i'll take a rest for now. I have plenty of that hectic lifestyle to deal with when the university reopens. So, people, this hols is all about family! Remember, family always comes first!

-^____^-

My weakness is that I care too much!!!

Maybe it's about time I gave up on you. But, hey, I still like you. It is true that you have been there for me...But, looking back at it now, I did not deserve to feel neglected and hurt. I just don't know.But, i do know that I shouldn't be blamed for whats going on with you. This is so not what I need now!

Ps: -A mental note to myself : Let it go, Raevarthy...You know you are going to hurt yourself more if you think about it...Just remember, true friends never walk out, no matter how tough it gets! So, don't walk out on her!

-From Jan to June: Life in Sem 2-

I am compelled to write this out. I waited till my last night at IPBA to pen down my thoughts of Sem 2 in the mere hope that I'd be able to say what I really thought of Sem 2.

Lets start with January,

I walked into IPBA once more with my parents and my sis(who was back for the hols) with a new fire burning in myself. The new year just started and everything was well. I had this determination in myself to survive independently. To not depend on anyone but myself. To not get close with friends. First day of class, I remember thinking how much my life would change in the coming months. I never expected it to alter so much.

February:

I was so happy that it was the month of my birthday and I was thrilled at the thought that I'd be celebrating my birthday at home. Of course, 18 Feb came and brought along with it an incident that I'd never forget for the rest of my life. From a carefree teen, to a matured young adult. Throughout this hard time, I learned who my true friends were and I also learned who to depend on and who not to. I saw the different face of lecturers and yes, it was a learning process that was beyond my wildest dreams.

March:

When I think of March, I can only remember the process of sitting for the mock exam and its after effects. I remember thinking I hated myself for not studying despite the fact that I couldnt. It was my first week back to IPBA and i was slowly regaining my lost self. It was also the week of mock exam. I will never forget my outburst in my LS class when the lecturer asked us to reflect back on our mock exam papers. Nevertheless, I don't know how and I still don't understand why I received the results I did. Perhaps, it was GOD's way to make it up to me. I don't know and I will never I guess.

April:

I met so many new friends during Language Camp. But, the thing that I remember the most is me speaking in public. We had a public speaking competition held for Language Week in which I was placed third. Oh my god, my nerves almost killed me! I was terrified n yes, I had fellow contestants calming me down. I owe Daniel so much for his wise words. Thank you Daniel. It was also the month that I reconnected back with my bff, Azham. I cried after so long and he made the pain a bit lesser, I would say. I am not going to thank him because he is not an outsider, he is family to me.

May:

Oh what do I say here. May was nothing short of a roller-coaster ride! I directed Act 2 of the Macbeth play n boy, wasn't that tough. I would forever remember my cast and crew. I leaned on them and they leaned on me, and yes, we did survive. I got to know each and every one of them from FP1.5 and FP 1.6 at a larger scale. An experience of a lifetime!

And yes, it was our Kenaboi trip! My first time in a river. I felt like a fish out of water!

June:

June= Hols!

Yeay! Its time to be a full time mum,daughter and of course, a princess!

Well, Sem 2 was all about surviving. It pushed me to the limits but hey, guess what, I survived! I had so many first' during this sem that I will tell you about soon! *Hugs and Kisses*

With much love,

Princess Raevarthy

-Another lost friendship..perhaps?-

I don't know...I really don't..I don't know why she isn't speaking to me and yes, i feel hurt...But, i look at all this people around me and I somehow now understand that people use you..Maybe I'm useless to them anymore. I don't know. I am an independent child and yes, I can survive.

ps: We used to be so close..I just wonder...What on earth happened?

-Somewhere along the insanity-

I really don't know how to put this in words but i will try anyway. I feel very much lost. Not as if in lost in my life but lost in my thoughts. I have no idea why i feel this way but I do. I know that i need reassurance that I am doing just fine. I am no stranger to this life but holding on is so tough when all you want to do is let go. I cry in my heart but there are no tears out of my eyes. No one understands what I want to say. I am not comfortable saying this out. I want to scream. I don't want to feel this way. I want to vent out whatever that has been bothering me for months now. Trust no one, my heart says and so shall I.