"Sometimes I wish I had all that I ever wished for"
Familiar? That is us. You and me. And her and him. We all have regrets, don't we? Every little lie that ever left our mouths, every heart that we broke, and every time we let our hearts open a little. The biggest fear that us humans have is to get our hearts broken. And that fear my friend, is not one that can be cured.
I rose today to find a beautiful comment left in my blog inbox. It was anonymous and I have no idea who it is. But what she said did make sense. In a way at least.
Why is it that we fail to open up our hearts after getting it broken? Or do we? Truth is, we do not fear pain, we do not fear rejection. We fear the future. The future, tomorrow, the day after, a month from now, a year from now. It is the future that we fear. What if someone who promised to be there forever leave? Or what if love does run out?
My dear sister, as much as I write on love and believe in it, I too have got my heart broken. Not in the very traditional way, but I did. The term I believe is "unrequited love". It hurt. Real bad. And today, I have not found the courage to love another human the way they deserve to be. I am sure that, that is the case with you too. But the difference here is that I believed in love and I still do.
You can never control the future. It happens. And most of the times, it isn't all sunshiny. Love is like that too. One bad experience is enough to shun us away from love and that my friend, is wrong. Love is perfect. Humans are not. We make mistakes, and we have to move on from that. In love, you have to open up your hearts but place it with a shield. Am I making any sense here?
It is hard for me to write with a clear and conscience mind because all that you said is one that I have feared as well. But let me tell you this, you cannot force a person to love you. And you cannot force yourself to love another. You can walk around with a big lock in your heart but when someone tries picking on that lock, you have to let them to. Life, as I always say is very short. You can choose to live in the bitterness of a previous relationship or you can choose to put a band aid on that wound and start all over. I know, the first sounds way easier doesn't it? But that isn't the solution.
So to you who asked me why we do not love after having our hearts broken, the answer is that we want to. We really really want to but we are afraid of the future. We are afraid of things repeating itself when in reality even a child knows that lighting doesn't strike the same place twice. If you really believe in love, open up your heart but put a shield over it. The one who deserves your heart will find a way to break through that shield. You gotta believe me on that. Trust me, he exists. Out there somewhere. Don't go looking for him and yet don't put a barrier that wouldn't let him find you. I say, open up your heart a little, and let him find you. Darl, you deserve that much!