I have no idea where my life is heading to. Yeap, I said it, again. No, I am not high on coffee. This time i am just in a ultra super pms mode. Yes, the emotions are not stable right now so don't mess with me. One thing that I am very sure of is that I am growing up in a world that is constantly getting on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I seriously love my life no matter how crazy it is. But there are times in all my positiveness and cheery attitude that I just give up. I crumble. I put myself in a foetal position and cry. I hug myself to sleep with a tear trickling marking its way down to my cheeks. Life is not easy. And being through the things I have, I deserve to cry. I am not weak. I am just human after all.
There is just so much in my heart and soul that I could only wish I found a way to let it out. I know that things happen, that life moves forward, but memories have a way of haunting us, doesn't it? Sometimes I wish I woke up to be a new person that doesn't remember the last two years of her life. But living that life will be a swell of emotions for those around me. I should know. Been there. Done that.
Someone told me the other day that they envy me. Me, with my wide smile, loud expressive voice and the light-hearted way in which I took life. She told me that I was living the 21 year old life. That I was living the life she wanted. I admit, I smiled at her and said, 'you have no idea'. But deep down my heart, I commanded myself for picking myself up and moving forward. For never failing to believe in myself. I, and I insist only I know the pain of doing that.
I am not exaggerating and this post is not a sympathy call. I am merely reinforcing one of my principles on judgements. Every one of us have our own stories, our own pain. A pain that no one else would know of or understand for that matter. A pain that remind us of how strong we actually are. You don't know my story and I don't know yours. So, the next time you decide to judge someone, remember this. Emotionally she might be done. Mentally, she might be drained. Spiritually, she might be dead but physically she still smiles. She is just like you. Just trying to be the best that she can be.