Friday, October 28, 2011

Arranged marriages versus love marriages? Now, that's not a tough choice!

I was having my morning shower when this idea struck me. To write on relationships. I mean I sat all night debating with my mum on how stupid some girls were to have arranged marriages. If you are an Indian girl, you would understand what I'm saying- Well I do hope that you are civilised enough to understand at that.
Anyway, what really prompted me to write on this issue is the fact that recently I have heard of more than one abusive, failed marriages happening within close friends and relatives at that. And they all had an arranged marriage. Okay. Before you start pointing fingers and accusing me of taking sides, let me make this clear. Yes. I do know of people who were madly in love, got married and eventually divorced too. I mean, we even see it happening to our favourite actors. So, what is it about failed arranged marriages that get to me? I'll tell you.
The way I view marriage is like this Ethopia. Like heaven. Everyone says its beautiful and perfect but no living soul can prove all that they know of heaven. That's how marriage is. It's supposed to be perfect but you will never know till you are in it. To me, it is that unknown-ness thats so indescribably beautiful. I mean, a simple question, why do we want to wake up early, iron some other man's shirt or cook for him or clean up after him? Give me one valid reason for us females to do so? And as for the males, why do you need to go earn money, save up for the future when you can live for yourself? Why do we want to live for another person? Is there a real answer to it? No! But then again, we do all that! And why? Because the other person mean more than anything in this world. Because you love that person. That's how marriage should be like. Confusing? Let me lay it out in simple terms.
Ask your mum or your dad. Why do you insist on cooking dad's favourite dish when he scolds you? Or why do you give mum money even when all she does is nag? And, tell me what they say. In the future, when my child asks me that, I would like to answer because I love him. Not, "because I have to". There is a big difference there.
When you love someone, you do things because you WANT to not because you HAVE to. Or because that's what is expected of you as a wife or a husband. It's beyond role play.
And of course, there are always people who say that you can always find time to fall in love with your respective husband or wife after the marriage ceremony. When you start living together. Now, now, now. Isn't that tolerance than? Isn't that I HAVE to love you instead of I WANT to love you?
I won't say that I'm against arranged marriages due to the fact that a girl is treated like a cow on sale. (Reminds us of Mango Season by Anita Desai right?) Well, she has to get dressed up, bow before a man who chooses to have the first say on whether he likes her. Well, that's culture and tradition. I won't say it's wrong but I won't say it's right either. Well, I would choose not to go undergo that ceremony later on in life for the simple reason that I promised myself that I won't ever have an arranged marriage.
I recently told my mum that and she was so supportive of me that I had to look up the skies and thank God! :) We were washing the dishes when I casually brought up the topic. I told her that when I find someone special she would be the first person to know. And as long as I haven't said anything, it means I am not in a relationship and she is not permitted to ask me anything further. She told me I am only 20 and there is still a long way to go. Well, who knows when someone can steal your heart right?

To me, marriages are too sacred to play with. When I walk down the aisle one day, I want to be able to look up and see the guy waiting up there with nothing but love. I want to feel my heart skip a beat and tell me that I have found my prince charming. I don't want even for a brief second to have any hesitations or second-mindedness. When the holy thread is tied, when the priest chants and as the crowd bless us, I want to be able to smile and cross over from a girl to a wife happily. I want to be able to turn to him and hear my heart whisper that he is "the one" for me. And I believe whole-heartedly that I would have all that with love.
Sure enough, the romance would soon die down and life would set in. He'd probably get on my nerves at times and I'd probably get on his too. But, no matter how tough life got, I won't ever walk away from him. So, trust me to find someone like that! :)

Anyway, the whole point of this post is to tell you guys and girls out there that marriages should be build on love. Nothing but love. Because where there is love, there is everything else. So, believe in the power of love. Go in the direction your heart sets you to and feel the magic of being loved and love in return. Love unconditionally! :)


  1. love should be eternal until death. otherwise we'll divorce. HAHA !

  2. well darl, agreed! love should be eternal. But the way i see it, eternity has to start some where kan? That's why the start of a marriage should be based on love too! :)

  3. reava my dear, we all would like to arranged our marriage..we always wanted take the responsibility to choose the person who is going to be out another half right?! i raised my case. i do support you..:)

  4. yihaa! nice to noe dat! btw, send an invitation my way wen u do decide to tie the knot! Will be there to support u! :)