You know there is this thing that I do at times. I go really quiet, not saying anything for over an hour, I plug in my ear phones, play all those sad songs, and just generally feel down and sad for no particular reason. It is not something I do often, it just happens out of the blue and I do not know why I do it. And by the way, it is not PMS k? I know the difference. It is just days that I feel like being sad for things that probably do not even concern me. For example, i am currently sitting here crying over the fact that people lose their loved ones. I mean, that is not something that anyone does on a daily basis. And it is not like I just lost someone.
So, what is it with me then? I wish I had the answer to that. I just feel like walking up to a complete stranger, look him or her in the eye and say that I feel down and would like to talk to someone. Why complete stranger you ask? Well, the way I see it, people you know and trust are not the ones you should run to when you need someone to talk to or lean on. Half of them don't really care and half of them would succumb to saying things you wanna hear in contrary to saying things you NEED to hear. I mean, I for one would appreciate hearing something that would benefit me, even in the simplest way possible to hearing something that just pleased me at that moment. You get me?
I honestly appreciate the truth. I hate lies and being lied to. No matter how much it might crush me, I want the truth. And it is beyond hard in today's world to have pure truth in any sorta relationship. I am not saying that I don't lie. I do. I lie when I have to. So, why the fuss bout telling the truth and all? Well, I feel like a hypocrite doing it, because I know lies don't get you anywhere. And a lie is a lie only till the truth pops out. And talk about the degree of damage a little white lie can do! Aye aye aye!
So, the whole thing about talking to some stranger and getting things out just to hear the truth instead of sugar coated advises sounds perfect doesn't it? I know I sound a little mad but really think about it. When was the last time you made friends with a complete stranger till you told them your most darkest and deepest secret? Never? Well, I won't blame you too. I am having a hard time breaking out of my shell and really trusting people. When you trust, you get hurt. How on earth do I break that philosophy that is so much embedded in my soul? I have no freaking idea. Letting my guards down seems to be beyond impossible for a girl like me who probably understands emotions more than anyone. How did I even get here?!
Anyway, the point is, we all need a "someone" who tells things as it is. You know, the truth and nothing but the truth. Is there such a person in this world? I can only wish that he or she exists out there somewhere. Haiz.
Anyway, you would have to excuse me now. I need to get back to my sad songs and shed more tears. Yes, I am in "that" day today.