You know what the world needs more of? Crushes. We need to have this tingly feel inside of us, the little name doodling, the endless day dreaming, oh I just miss all of it!
I need to have a crush. I mean my life is just such a bore right now that I would kill to have at least one person of whom I speak to or look at and just feel this daze in my head. Is it common for a girl like me, you know miss romance and all to have not had a crush for the last few months? I mean, I know I took an oath to stay single till I am at least 27 but ya i need one harmless crush on one harmless guy. I am not the kinda girl that needs a man in her life to make her feel complete and all. Oh dear, I am long gone from those days that I felt marriage and children is what defines a person's life. I am more realistic, much more matured and just very grown up, perhaps? (I know my close friends are probably laughing right about now, reading that sentence).
Anyway, one harmless crush. How much can it hurt? I mean, knowing myself really well, I know that I do not set limits to what and how I should feel towards a person. I mean, it is fairly simple actually. I believe that you can never tell your heart to feel a certain way. You can tell yourself not to act on it though, that is a choice. But ya, having a crush is good, really.
I met a close friend recently and we were catching up and all and she told me this out of the blue. She said, "Raevarthy, don't be stupid. There is no prince charming's out there. There are only normal guys out there. Those that drink, and smoke and party. They are not bad. They are not people without a direction in life. They are just people. There is no perfect guy and you have to get it in your head that it is not okay to push away such guys just because of your whole principle of being against alcohol and smoking". I must tell you, I spend a fair amount of time telling her that I do not judge a person by their actions. Just because I do not do it, that does not mean that I expect my other half to be the same. She shook her head and told me that I need to be more realistic. She told me to not be so demanding in the kinda guys I have a crush on. Gotta admit. She was right. The list I have up in my wall will prove it! I tend to be a little, okay, quite a lot demanding in the sort of guys I am attracted to and that is wrong. I get it.
The thing here is, I feel empty. I don't feel anything for anyone. Not even a simple attraction. Seriously, what is wrong with me? I mean, I get all wooed and all when I watch a romantic movie and I am able to feel the love as I read any literature works. So, how on earth is it that if you strip all that away from me, all I get is just emptiness. And the worst part of all is that my heart seems to be whispering to me that it has no intention whatsoever to fall for, have a crush on or like anyone for that matter. I mean, come on. I am a girl who is in her early 20's. I am surrounded by friends who speak about guys, and falling in love and all on a daily basis. So ya, dear heart, seriously, you need to have a reality check.
Anyway, looking at it in from another point of view, I kinda like this too. This emptiness. My heart is resting. It is telling me to be patient. That crush would come when the one walks by. So, just like how I am waiting for my prince charming, I should wait for my crush too. Aha. Now, that is a theory that I so do not like! But hey, I trust my heart you know. Like how a child trusts her mother.
So, dear next crush, whoever you are, just know that if I start doodling your name and having daydreams about you, then you must be really worth it coz you succeeded in pulling me outta this emptiness. So, a toast to you, perhaps? *winks*
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