I love "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert because it teaches me to focus on me. To love me and to adore my emotions, thoughts, and body more than anyone in this world ever could. It also has set a clear limits in me to what is spirituality and religion. I am amazed how much this particular novel has changed me. It is sort of a self help book but in the form of an autobiography that is just so subtly and beautifully penned down.
I used to say that I take life a day at once with no regrets and care of what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. I have learnt that though that might make sense to be the way to live, it is just not the way to live mine. I should bother about the pain's of yesterday because that is the lessons for tomorrow. I am not saying that I am the kinda person to hold on to hurt and pain and betrayal and all those stuffs. I am not. I am the "forgive and forget" kinda gal. But, I have not really looked into how much I have done to hurt other people and I have to start the mending process. Looking into all those is really bringing back memories I don't want to face, but I know I should.
As to me, I am still searching for answers. I know I have been lost far too long and should be in the verge to be out by now, but I don't feel like I am getting there. I mean, people tell me all the time that they would kill to have my "don't care about what other people think of you" attitude and the soaring self confidence. While it is true that other people's view of me never affect me, it always amazes me to know how much different I really am to what they see me as.
Hence, here I am, changing the way I am and all. I know at this point certain people would be thinking, why the hell do I need to complicate stuffs. Well, I have only a life to live and I better make it worth it right? I mean, I know perfectness doesn't exist and I am far from that but in a world where perfectness reigns, how on earth to keep expectations grounded?
People tell me all the time that they feel that there is this part of them that is missing. I never felt that way till today. I feel like I have not grown into myself. I feel as though there is this missing puzzle to me. I don't know what I am searching for and I have no idea what the answer is. But, I know I am not complete. And here it goes, the hunt to find the missing part of me has started. Lets toast to that shall we?