PS: I really need to go back home and get a round of hugs from loved ones! I wish my sis was here too! Oh, how I wish!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Im just going to ramble here..I am too scared and I know Im going to screw up this finals which terrifies me. I am so scared that I would humiliate my parents. I really don't know how the hell should I throw away fear from my system. I saw the lds paper today and thought, "you are so screwed Raevarthy!". I did not know what the hell they even wanted. Nothing of which I read was there. I mean what the hell am I suppose to read! N then there was that dreadful es test! I scored so low and I wrote that much! What am i supposed to do? N then there was that short poem test that we did for ls. N i did not understand the damn poem! What is happening to me? Its as though my stupid brains is failing on me! It is blocking stuffs out! N i feel like its spm all over again! I never ever want to revisit spm! ever! what to study? why is everyone around me so smart??? why do they get it right n i screw up! why? I noe i sound paranoid but i am really scared! really scared! I open the book and I don't know what to study! N people all around me say stuffs like, "you are so smart", :im sure you are done with your revision"..what the hell man? i dunno a thing! nothing! n then they ask me something n i go blank! blank! my mind shuts itself! i dun noe what the hell to answer! I have sleepless nights. And there is this fear in my heart that i will be kicked out of the institute! Where do i go then? What would i do then? I just dunno wat to do! I don't!