Sunday, April 22, 2012
Moving on from Love. :)
Moving on is hard. There are no simpler ways to explain it. It is just plain freaking hard. You linger on for far too long than you should. You try getting things back into track but the only real thing that you are doing is falling into the very same pathway that you swore you would never take again. This post is written at an hour that I feel so proud of. An hour worth keeping a record of since I now know for sure that I have indeed moved on. It is 2 in the morning and nothing feels greater than typing this out right now.
I have lingered on for too long, I have stayed more than I should have and I have tried making sense of things. Sometimes, you can’t mend stuffs and it is ok because you do not need any one else’s opinion of yourself but you. And there is where we fail. We consider ourselves caring but in reality we are just the slaves of other people’s emotions. We let that influence who we are.
In reality, each and every one of us, have this inner voice that would always drive us to do the right things, But, how do we know for sure it is right? That is where we ask our souls. It may sound crazy to some, but if all that I have taken on a journey with this particular book has taught me, it is that I am made of two people. The outside me and the inside soul of mine that whispers to me all the time. It is just that I am too blinded or too deaf to hear its whispers. At an hour at which I curled myself up and started crying, I knew I found my answer. The only thing that I needed was myself. I do not need to hold on to things that hurt me or have the slightest possibility to hurt me. If I am craving for love, then it is the love from my own soul that I truly deserve. How easy is it for us to forget that?
I asked myself yesterday, what is it that I really want? And I heard it whisper back. I want happiness. Just plain happiness. Then I asked myself, do you know where you can find that happiness? And it told me, not at where you are right now. Get rid of it Raevarthy. Get rid of the past. Do not let that haunt you or your life. Do not live in the shadow of another person. You are worth that much girl. See for yourself. I must tell you this, this entire conversation took place within me. I ask a question out loud and wait for myself to reply to it. As funny as it sounds, it worked for Elizabeth Gilbert, why can’t it for me? And the best part of all, I am now way clearer than I ever was.
I asked myself today, is it hurting you? And my soul said it is not. I said would it matter to you if you do not end up where you always wanted to? And my soul said no it does not because I am here. And I will look after your heart. You may choose happiness. The journey will hurt, yes, but at the end of it all, it will be worth it. So I took a deep breath and I knew I have finally moved on.
I have moved on. I wish I can say more, but I think I have done enough. Some things are meant to be buried in you forever. And this is one of it.