I am so messed up. Honestly. I am not joking. I used to be the most sensible person around. I used to have all these believes and notions and principles. I used to have a high level of patience. And I really used to like my life and everything in it.
You just do not know when things go wrong I suppose. Or when a friend turns into a foe, or when life suddenly pushes you to grow up, or when you fall in love for that matter. So, yes, I am pretty messed up. And I say that because I am just not who I used to be. And I suppose that life is hitting me at the most random hours. Like I will be happy for about a day and the next I will start thinking of how complicated stuffs really are. And then, where do you go? Who is willing to listen to me start complaining on how I think I am so screwed up? Or how I am scared that I would lose another friend? Or how scared I am that things won't go the way I want it to? Or how petty little things make me upset for days or how jealous I get? Seriously, no one is willing to. Because life is cruel. And that is what everyone should be taught!
Growing up and all, we are taught to trust, to believe in people. We hold the hands of our parents and take our first steps. That's trust. Then, we hold the hands of our siblings in school, that's trust. Then we hold the hands of our friends as we move on into childhood and our schooling years. And that we call trust too. I wont deny that all that is trust. But then again, as we finally mature, or call ourselves matured, there is none to be trusted. Take me up on that.
I wouldn't say that I do not trust my friends, because I do. In fact, I love them. But there is this thing in me that is ticking away reminding me that no one should be trusted. That I should seal my thoughts and my emotions. That the more closer you get to someone, the more they would hurt you. I want to burst out. I want to be able to speak without being judged. And where do you find all that? Sometimes the most closest of closest will not hear. Because life is cruel. It is as simple as that.