You know what I wanna do? I wanna sit next to someone and say that I am confused. I wanna watch the confusion that I feel in me displayed in their face when they hear me say that. I know, ridiculous. But that is how I feel and no, you don't get to tell me to feel a certain way. I am confused because I don't know what am I supposed to feel. My second phase of practicum starts next week and I shouldn't really be scared or anything since I have been through this once. I should really be calm and yet look at me. Walking around as though I am going for war next week. *slapsforehead* So typical me.
I had an amazing first phase of practicum. Beautiful children who loved me, a cooperating teacher who was so supportive, practicum partners who made practicum feel like one big happy party and a wonderful observing lecturer whom I was blessed to be around. I loved my first phase of practicum. So, what? Well, what if all these happened just so I would have a terrible second practicum? What if I just crumble under pressure this time around? I am not even at home. Family won't be there to glue my broken pieces together. Honestly, I am terrified.
You can never truly know what to expect you know. What if I end up compromising myself, giving up or even doubting my own abilities, ya I get it, I am already doing it. But still, so many questions of "What if". I don't know why but I feel confused, like really really confused. *sighs*
So ya, I need to divert my thoughts. I need something to wipe away this doubts. Where or what is this something? I have no freaking idea!