I am not supposed to write a blog post right now. But then again, I am doing it because...erm...well, because I always do what I want? Yeap, pretty much. Anyway, this post has no topic in particular and I doubt that it will "touch" you in any way at all, though let's admit, I love doing that. But still, with exams and all, I need to release some tension and worry. So, where else do I go but here, right?
Anyway, I was intending to talk about change. How much I have changed over the years and how much that has affected me as a person. I think we all go through that sudden phase of not knowing how on earth we have arrived where we are right now. Ooookay, am I making sense here?
Change. It is a big word. We all have definitely changed in a way or other since, I dunno...about one year ago, two years ago, yesterday? Point is, we all have changed and change is not necessarily for the good. I don't like it when people I know and love look at me and tell me that I have "matured". I don't see it. I still find myself having a child-like behaviour, though not to everyone. But point is, why is it that as much as my age has increased, I don't think my maturity level has? Is it because I am scared of the world? Scared of responsibilities? That's an understatement considering what that I have been through and the responsibilities that I have shouldered. Deciphering this is tough, really.
The way I view myself is just so damn different from what people perceive me to be as and at times it bugs me that it is as so. I know I always say screw what people think but doesn't it bother you at times that this person, this whole individual that they assume you to be is not who you really are? Doesn't it bother you? Doesn't it tap at your conscience telling you to do something?
So ya, change. It is a big big word. How much I have changed? Well, you wouldn't see it. Because beneath this smile, this carefree personality and the "me" you see is a person that you might have met, but perhaps never given the chance to know. Is that for good or for bad? Guess I don't have an answer to that.