Monday, March 5, 2012

When time starts questioning me....

Do not under any circumstances abandon your blog! Okay. That's a line I seriously need to remember! I hate the fact that I have no time, and no energy to actually sit and write. I mean, writing has always kept me happy and I really need to be happy right now. I feel as though my entire life is running away from me. Imagine standing on a abandoned road, and watching all that you ever knew slowly drift away from you. It happens right? I guess what I really am saying is that I have never been the kind of girl who was afraid of the future. I have always lived life a day at once. But sometimes, I am scared of what the future might have for me. And even if I wanna abandon thoughts of the future, the present is actually quite scary.
I am 21 and that means I am matured enough to make my own decisions right? But the thing is, I am scared. Scared to make decisions. Scared of people more like it. I have lost a good dear friend to GOD and life has not been the same ever since. No one can take his place and no one can bring back all the happiness I had before he went. But ya. The thing is, I am scared of people. I have trust issues. I have this thing in me that says all that I know, all those that I care for, my friends would eventually leave me. If it's not death, then it's something else. And that's just something I don't like. I mean, can't we work in two ways here? Why don't relationships last forever? Honestly, I'm asking.
Don't give me the "nothing lasts forever in this world" dialogue coz honestly I am tired of hearing to that. I want things to go my way. I want to be bold and brave to live life the way I want to. With the people I want to. And yes, I don't want time to take away people I love from me.
Is that too much to ask for?

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