This past week has been a confusing one for me. I have had quiet moments to really reflect on what I wanted in life and the answer was always the same, to write. I must say a large source of that insecurity comes from watching "Magic beyond words", a movie based on the life story of JK Rowling. She went from depending on the state government to one of the richest women in Britain within the span of 3 years. That is admirable. I have never really doubted myself when it came to writing. I love words, I love stringing them together and I love attaching emotions to it. However the real challenge to me is writing something that I don't experience or feel. I guess I am just not the kinda person that can tell a story from another persons point of view. At least, I don't see myself as such.
I have a story though. One that makes me revisit a past that I have buried. I am not good with that. I can't face something that has torn me in so many ways. Regret, guilt, tears. Too many negative words attached to one experience. I can't seem to find the courage to pen that story down though I know that, that is one I want to tell. Living in doubt of yourself and who you want to be is a rather torturous experience, you have to take my word for that. I guess, I am just finding for some solace. For peace within myself and for me to be able to write without having to break down. I gave myself 6 months. And in the deepest corner of my heart, I know that 6 months would not make much of a difference that 2 years have not. Once again, let's wait and see. I am holding on to the little voice in my head, whispering this is possible.