These emotions and regrets that haunt me when I least expect it to is turning me into a slave of my own conscience. Remember how people say that when nothing goes right, you have to turn left? What if I turn left and there is nothing there for me too? I am afraid. I am terrified.
It is a long battle, one that I know I can survive if I have my heart and soul set at the right place. But what about my win? What about that then. I am a competitive person by nature but not to the extent of losing relationships so what if I lose myself in this crave for victory?
I am battling a million demons in myself a day. Sometimes these demons have a voice. That cruel, earth shattering voice that blocks me out of this world. I don't know how to fight that off. I don't know.
On the outside, I am this girl with a bright smile and positive attitude and on the inside, I die a little more with each passing day. At times, I am angry with myself for not having the same inner glow to match the one the world sees. But, what do I do? This is the way I feel and I cannot tell myself to feel a certain way.
I am not alone in this tough journey, that much I know. But then again, whoever out there would understand the pain, and hurt of an overweight girl that the society strips down with words? At the end of the day, I am still me and the society is something I cannot escape from.
Signing off with a note to myself that I am beautiful,