Sunday, March 6, 2011

-When your heart doesn't listen to your mind.-

I'm sitting here thinking of all the lives that were cruelly wiped away from this earth. And all of a sudden my life seems to be something so precious and something worth being proud of. I know I have grown up to be someone I never wanted to be. I also know that the life I'm currently leading is far from the life I've always imagined myself in. I guess its true then. Mr. Fate does exist. I have all this unanswered questions in myself that I'm tired of seeking answers.

I know that I have had quite of a 'memorable" half a month. I fell too hard, too fast. I imagined a future with someone I barely know. I thought that I finally found my "the one". Isn't it funny how GOD reminds you to step back in reality? I know he did that to me. God loves me. He does. Honestly! If he did not love me, he would have let me go a long time ago. I would have been broken, scared, and wounded. All in my heart. And I know that he loves me enough to want to watch over me at all times. I may not have someone's arms around me, comforting me when im low. I may not have someone to tell me they love me every second of the day, just like I watch many people around me do. But, you know what, I don't need all that. I'm doing just good without it. So, why change that right? It's hard for me to let go of something I have cherished. However, I hope I'm doing the right thing. After all, why try too hard if the signs are not on my side right? I tried, honestly I did. I went for what my heart desired. But, I guess its not the life I deserve. Maybe I deserve better. Who knows.

To be in love is to hand someone a shot gun pointed to your head and trusting them to never pull the trigger. I'm not sorry that I'm not ready to trust anyone. After all, prince charming's still exist. Somewhere, somehow. My prince is not here yet. But, he will arrive one day. So, what's the point of scratching my heart while waiting. I'd rather give a pure, untouched heart away, just like I hope I would receive from the other end.
The wait is long, but I will survive. Somehow, that is.

Ps: I have tried so hard to put into words how I really feel. This is barely the surface of what lies underneath my heart. Now, I hope I can let go and step back into reality. Its tough. Honestly, it is.

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