Memories, Love and Death. If only I had all the answers.

I look at the photo and was immediately hit by a pang of memories. Things that were, should be, and could have been. The voice that still rings in my head and the memories that cloud my conscience when I least expect them to. I close the photo tab on my lappy and instead stare at my teddy bear. And that flooded me with more memories. I would do anything to go back to last year. I would even gladly give up my life. I would do anything to turn time so that I had another day to say "I love you". I would relive all the embarrassment, the regret, the love that hurt, the heart broken times, the tears and all just to have more time with a person that meant the world to me.
What is life for if you have no idea where you are going? I have always been a person that took life a day at once. But today, I do not know where I am heading. There is no warning signals, no blinking lights and no echos. There is just emptiness for I have no one to turn to. How do you live with losing so many people and some times the same person for so many times? I am yet to unlock that mystery.
The door opens and in walks a friend. I look at her and can't help but think how much I am worth. Not only to her but to everyone. For the pain of losing someone is one that is excruciating.
If death took me tomorrow, would I be missed? Would there be a person that cried at the thought of not being able to see, or speak to me anymore? And if at all death visited, would I be worth death itself?

Not myself!

I have been in a moody, not myself position since yesterday and I find myself getting so irritated with everything and everybody. Although no saint, I know that my patience level is quite high. So, it has been bugging me that I am as such. I know that every one goes through such periods in their life where just about everything gets on their nerves but ya, I just don't like myself very much right now. So, I was sitting, moping around and it occurred to me that I never found the time to pen down all that make me who I am. Trust me, I love myself. So maybe, I should remind myself how special I am in order for me not to dislike myself to such an extent in which I am refusing to leave the house. Alright, so let's see. I will try penning down the stuffs that make me, me.

1) I am addicted to the smell of coffee. I have to smell my coffee first before sipping on it.

2) I can't sleep without hugging something. Whether it is a teddy bear, pillow, bolster or even a towel (something I had to hug since I din have anything else during a recent vacation), the point is I need to hug to fall asleep.

3) I am really picky when it comes to food. I hate bread, jam, cheese, etc. The list is really long, trust me.

4) I love the combination of sambar, rasam, tairu and rice that I can eat it every single day of the year and not get bored.

5) I seriously do not care about money and expensive things.

6) I love dogs more than humans. If I saw a homeless man and a homeless puppy together, chances are my heart would go out to the puppy first. Sorry people, humans can speak and animals can't. So, don't blame me.

7) I speak to people easily. Making friends have never been hard for me. But it takes ages, for me to trust someone.

8) I hate gold. As funny as it sounds, I honestly do not understand people that flood themselves with gold from head to toe.

9) I am a big fan of LOVE and ROMANCE.

And lets stop the list there coz well I am still out of mood and still very irritated. Sometimes, I think being born as guys are better than being born as a girl. :(

Infidelity and all that.

I still do not know why I seem to be abandoning my blog nowadays despite having so much in me that I should probably let out. It is not very wise to mix feelings with thoughts or facts, and I have definitely learnt that the hard way. I guess with life, it is really rare that we feel appreciated or loved and so we resolve to doing things that we should not. But then, who comes out with all those rules in the very first place? Yeap, the answer is no one.
I was reading a novel the other day, one that I recently bought during a mega book sales. It takes hours for me to find a good book or anything for that matter because I believe that whatever it is that you are about to buy should speak to you. You should feel this inner need to own that particular book, shoes or piece of clothing. Yes, I know it seems a little insane, but ya, that's me.
Anyway, the author has beautifully carved out the art of deception, infidelity and lies in a way that even I thought it was okay to cheat on your husbands or wives. Yes, if you know me, you know that it is a big no no. I am the advocate of staying faithful in a relationship. I preach about being faithful and yes, somehow this particular story lifted something in me. I think it is called negligence in part of feelings.
I do not know whether it is right to cheat on your significant spouse or not. And I certainly have no rights to pick a side. But I think it is not right to stay in a relationship that hurts. Relationships are happy yes, but it also takes a lot of work. And yes, I do believe that love can't run out. It can only fade away. And it takes a lot to ignite passion back in any relationships.
So, was it right for the main characters of that particular novel to cheat on one another with someone else? No it wasn't. The way I see it. It is okay to fall in love with someone else when you are in a relationship. It happens. And that is prove that you do not value the particular relationship you are in. So, let it go. Let her or him go. Do not cheat on anyone in this world. If you want to pursue someone else, let the one you are with go first. It is simple. Deception and lies hurt only when the truth is out. But is living a life of lie worth it?
So to those that might have been cheated on, it is not worth it. He is not worth your tears and she definitely does not deserve all those waking moments you spend thinking of her. Being dumped is better than living a life of lies.
But then again, you never know who you might fall in love with. You can't pick love, can you?