Sunday, September 23, 2012

When love is the reason for your silence.

Isn't it ironic how sometimes you just love someone so much and then all you wanna do is strangle them? Or how much you are so close to someone and yet there are things that just gets on your nerves? Or how about those times you gossiped about a friend to another friend and then you move on with life, smiling, laughing and being in good terms with the other like nothing ever happened. Funny how all of us keep quiet at times despite having this intensifying urge in us to confront someone. Why this dual personality then? Are we all really hypocrites?

I have been through phases in my life in which I look at someone and go, "OMG, I am so lucky to have him/her in my life". Then something happens, and things change. There is just no such thing as having a relationship so pure and untouched by any sins or is it just me that never found such a relationship before?
An old friend once told me this. When it comes to ego or relationship, you have to choose relationship. You should be able to put aside your differences, swallow your pride and anger just to keep someone in your life. Trust me, I do not have the patience to do that. I mask patience. My family would tell you wonderful stories of how short-tempered, easily defending her rights kinda gal I am. It is just so funny how I am not all that outside home. Maybe I am a hypocrite after all. Or maybe I just don't want to go through the hassle of cleaning up the mess that follows once an argument blows over.

Recently, I find myself taking more deep breaths to deal with the people in my life. People that do not know the "real" me. I find it hard though. I mean, keeping quiet when you wanna just scream at someone is torture. Trust me on that. I sometimes walk from one end of the hallway to the other just to keep myself from boiling over. If it was just someone I never loved, it would be much easier. I would scream and move on like nothing happened. Funny how love is the reason for my silence. No one ever said loving a friend is tough. But it is. Much tougher than loving a guy/girl and being in a relationship with them.

Ego versus relationship? I am choosing relationship.

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