I have not spoken much about how I feel which is, honestly eating me up on the inside. I talk a lot and have my occasional outbursts but it's hard to feel like you have no one to talk to. Just to talk to. Not to laugh with, not to cry with but just to talk non-stop with. To say all I ever wanted to say. To run out of words. Maybe then I'd feel better. Maybe then I'd be able to go back to being who I am. Not many notice the changes in me because I mask it all. I try to be who I always was. But everything that has happened has hit me hard. Very hard indeed. One after another.
So, forget about the wishing stars because they don't work. I look up every night, spot a familiar star and wish with all my heart. I wish with a tiny hope that somewhere up there someone is hearing to me. Someone has an idea of how it feels to be me right now. But then again, when I take a deep breath and open my eyes, life is still the same. No one has heard me and no one is willing to. Even the life I hope exists beyond the stars. I look at the four walls that surround me and I know I'm alone. Alone like the stars that fade into the sunlight. I'm scared, terrified, in tears and all I ask for is someone to hold my hand and listen to me. Not those long advices nor that prayers. I just want to talk. Talk non-stop. Talk till I run out of words. Talk till I feel better. Talk. Just talk.