Questions and Answers-I know I am worth it.

I am Miss Romance and Love, and you have to admit that I am quite good at relationships. The irony would be that it is due to the fact of watching too many people screw up their own relationships and of course years of being fully immersed in literature that concerns the heart. I seriously thought I was good at it until recently a friend looked me in the eye and asked, "If you know so much about the dating game and all, why are you still so single?". Woa. You cannot imagine how speechless I went with her question. I mean, it never struck me that perhaps a prince charming would not exist if I do not go out there and play the game myself. And I said to myself, "Oh c'mon, you are worth more than that". I spose that was my ego. And then another voice whispered, "You are not ready".
And then it hit me. I did not want to get hurt. And that is how I have seen relationships to be like. Hurt. So, I thought to myself, is it possible to associate love to be so fairytale alike if I was afraid that it would hurt? I'll tell you this. I felt like a hypocrite. I mean, I tell my friends all the time that in relationships there would be problems. However, there can only be one person angry and one person with a big heart to forgive. The relationship would go down the hills if both were angry. So, if you want him in your life, give in a little.
So, why is it that a girl who is so good with relationships still so single? No idea. Maybe when you stop looking for someone, you would find that someone for you. But I haven't even started looking, so...
But then again, when all is said and done, I am still someone who does not need someone special in her life to prove that she is worth it. I know my worth and I know that I can always take care of myself. I know that being single is not lonely for me. It is just the age and the people around me that seem to be mixing up my thoughts and hence, all these questions.
To all my single ladies, a toast to ourselves. Do not let judgments be passed down to your soul. You know you are worth more than anyone out there!

I want to be loved.

I want butterflies,
I want flowers for no reason,
I want to get kissed in the rain,
I want to fall asleep to the sound of his heart beating,
I want to kiss him and feel a spark,
I want to text back and forth until the sun comes up,
I want endless phone conversations,
I want to lie in the middle of a field with him,
I want him to kiss me on the nose,
I want to cuddle day and night
I want to slow dance in the rain
I want to be surprised
And most importantly, I want to be loved like no one has ever loved me.

Blue May-Right from the soul of a 21 year old!

We are in May! Let me cheer for myself for that for making through 4 cruel, tiring, exhausting yet somehow beautiful months. Remember how I said I was looking forward to starting my May with a big bang and having nothing but fun in this month despite the fact that May also means that it is the month of exams? Well, let me tell you that all those hopes and dreams and wishes if you may call it has already being dumped down the window and what is it? Only the 3rd May right now kan? Why you ask? I will tell you why!
The first May by itself was definitely one that I would remember. I managed to do something special for my darling baby brother here in college and those times spend with him and my batchmates would definitely be one that I would treasure for the rest of my life.
But then, May just got worst after the celebration! I promised myself that I would stay off coffee and chocolate for at least two months coz of well, you know how addicted I am to it both, especially coffee! But since then, I have been putting more chocolates in my mouth and well, we all know how bad that is for me and my health! And not to mention the one thing I have forgotten to do in which I just picked up the habit back again, drinking gaseous drink! Sometimes I wonder, what on earth am I doing? How can I stay oFf it for so long and then get hooked back to it? So, that being said, at least I still have the rest of the month to go to get back to my regular eating habits.
Let's move on then. Why is May still so horrendous for me? Well, I kinda sorta clashed with a friend that I thought I never would. But though that is settled, I still feel like there is something missing. My whole perception and stuffs, if you get what I mean, has really changed. It is hard to put it down in words because the feelings are too deep to be explained. Maybe it is time I looked into stuffs seriously. You know like stop doing things without thinking? Will I manage to then?
And moving on, May is still so horrendous coz well, I feel blue. I mean, I know I am probably the most happiest girl in the planet at times, starting from the time I wake up...but still, I feel kinda sorta that my soul is lost. And where on earth do I have to go pick it up? No freaking idea! I have been having dreams that indicates that I am not satisfied with my life and that things are indeed changing around me (Well, if you must know, i do google to find out what on earth my dreams mean). Well, changes are for good, or so i believe, but the one thing that I can't help is all these negative vibes and blue feelings around me. I just wanna run back home into the arms of mum and dad and sis and Ruby and Dino. I seriously just wanna throw my hands up in the air and say, "I am so done with all these". But that is not me. I am a fighter and I know that I will never ever give up on things I truly set my heart to. So, even if I am losing this internal battle in me, I am gonna stay and fight.
So what is all these then? Pre exam stress and tense? No idea. But I just know that I am growing up. And I do not like growing up and maturing and bla bla! Please, can I just have a time machine? I do not like being 21!