Stoned and static.

Words fail to say all that my heart feels. I'm now a first year student in a field I never wanted to be in, but have come to slowly fall in love with. As night engulfs each day, all that i can see is that big 20 that would soon turn the corner. Am i matured enough to handle everything that would soon be thrown my way? I have no idea. I feel so scared and terrified. I feel i have wasted all my teen years trying to be "mature" that when it is finally here, I am lost. I have no direction to where I am heading. People I trusted are now strangers. People I loved are now haters. I try to be all smiley and yet I have this unresolved feeling in me. I am far from being the adult I want to be. Everything has changed and yet again nothing has. Where do you go for answers if you don't know what to ask?

To fall or not to fall?

What that doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I believe in that. I'm still searching for happiness but am slowly starting to accept the fact that happiness is everywhere if you stop looking. Maybe happiness lies in tolerance and maybe it lies in the simple everyday acts of our life. This are things no one ever teach us but rather knowledge that we acquire through the surroundings. Every wrong turn you take will make you stop and think before you make the next. Every adversity life puts you through will make you stronger for the next. And every wrong person you meet will just make you closer to meeting the right. Or is it? But, what happens when you can't read through their intentions or their exterior? What happens when you are too afraid to fall just because you are terrified that the person that is suppose to catch you will let you go forever? What happens then?

RoMaNcE!

I love me more than anyone else would ever do. That isn't wrong I suppose. But, I don't deny the tug in my heart as I bawl over romantic movies or see a happy couple walking around. My soul would eventually find contentment in the arms of another. I believe that whole-heartedly. They say you can't find someone unless you go out there and mingle. But, I say, stay right where you are because if it was meant to be, it will be. There might not be a prince charming riding a horse carriage but there will definitely be a special someone doing crazy things for me. I am still that 10 year old i was. I believe in fairy tales, and happily ever-afters.

Romance makes every woman beautiful and every man a prince. I can imagine it now, the scent of red roses in my hands, the music only familiar to my ears as he sits across the table, like in the movies...the way my heart would beat..the way it is beating now as i sit here typing this out, and the candlelights, and the long walks, and the talks. I could see it all now. And i sure hope i see it as the years pass by and as i finally bump into my, "the one". The wait is long but i know i will make it. Who knows, he might be reading this right now. Who knows.....