Many questioned me on my lack of entries and posts. I still find it amusing, but am beyond grateful that people actually read what I write. Of course, for a person who dreams to publish a book one day, this is a happiness words cannot describe. In my last entry, I told you all about how I felt trapped and quoting, "I am sitting in a puddle". At the end of it, I told you that I will eventually get "there", wherever "there" is. Oh boy, how has life changed ever since! It has been one helluva awesome ride, that's for sure. People who know me, know I love teaching! It is something that pumps my heart, gets my blood flowing and the adrenaline rush that I get from standing in a classroom, imparting knowledge...having fun with kids is something I absolutely crave and treasure.
Well, I got posted! And just like that, Miss Raeva is back! It is officially one month since and yes, I have soooo many stories for you. But, I am not interested in telling you about how amazing I feel teaching, how planning lessons excite me or just how awesome it feels to watch kids actually understand something I teach. You know all that. Here's what you didn't know about me.
I struggled the very first days of being in school. I had the whole "a fish out of water" moment. Making friends was hard. In schools, teachers move in little gangs or cliques and no, getting into one being a fresh graduate and new at what you do ain't easy. I was taken aback at how I felt, that's for sure. The first few days of being in school mostly was about me running into the teacher's toilet and locking the door coz that was the only place that I felt safe. I was quick to learn that the veteran teachers are made up of only two categories: either too nice to you or they treat you like you are invisible. God knows I tried. I smiled every time someone so much as even looks at me and yet, all I got was the cold shoulder. Worst is when the practicum teachers get more attention and warm welcomes compared to me who is gonna be there for many months/years again. But, gotta give it to a handful of good souls...teachers who actually made me feel at home, constantly asking me how I felt and offering insights of the profession. So yes, only two categories!
And the first weeks of being in school, I learnt that the school that I am attached to has a limited storage of materials or facilities. There is only one LCD projector in school and there is only one place that I can use it in, the hall (only if the hall is empty). Yes, bad news for the inner literature freak who loves songs, and storytelling.
But, what that killed the budding passion I had and excitement of being posted is not having a fixed schedule to teach. I had replacement classes each day and every day I meet new kids. I couldn't plan appropriate lessons because I didn't know my kids. All I did in class was get them to open their textbooks to a certain page and do something from there (read: what i despise the most). As silly as this may sound, I could put up with snarls and cold shoulders but knowing I am not loving teaching really killed me. I felt so beaten, bruised and defeated every single day. I reached out to a lecturer at IPBA who was generous enough to hear me out and told me to never give up. His kind words and encouragement really helped me through.
After three weeks, finally, this week, I received a fixed teaching schedule. However, I was told that these are not my permanent classes and once the school reshuffles its main schedule I would be attached to other classes. It wasn't a big deal at the start of this week when I was given this temporary schedule. I was elated that I had finally received what I wanted : fixed classes. But, after 28 odd hours of spending time with kids from three different classes, I am already feeling the pinch. I don't want to feel attached but that's what I am bad at. I tend to love my kids even if it has only been a week.
So, where does this leave me now that I am at the last day of my first month? Well, it feels superfabulousawesome to wake up at 5 a.m, leave my house at 6 a.m to drive for an hour in a rocky road to get to school. I feel good sitting at my desk, not getting involved in office politics just minding my own business and the best part of all, I feel alive teaching! The adrenaline rush is there, and it is a breathtakingly beautiful feeling that I wish every single human being can feel. I had my first course/briefing at another school the other day and I sat through it feeling so happy to learn something new. Okay okay, perhaps not everyone like courses.
Thing is, no matter what people tell me...you will hate teaching in a few years time or "wait till you have to juggle so many things..administrative work and such, you will be too tired". I don't freaking care. Maybe just maybe in a few years time I will be a snob myself (highly doubtful) or I will rely on textbooks (ahem, ahem, no?) but right now, right here, I am happy. This life that I have right now? I am so thankful for it. Yes, it is tiring. It leaves me with little time for myself but I AM HAPPY! And for as long as I am happy, I do not want to change anything. So, give me a shout out will ya? Miss Raeva is back!