Thursday, February 20, 2014

Just when I thought, I am okay.

And a month later I am here. This blog is serving more as a shoulder to lean on rather than expressing my views on matters. As much as I despise that, I know it takes emotions to write and right now, this is what I feel. Kinda doesn't sound that matured considering the fact that I just turned 23 this week. But then again, my heart has always been extra sensitive and my soul is complaining that it can't keep up. So, where do I go then?
Been having a roller coaster ride in terms of emotions for me. I feel the spark in me slowly turn off and despite the fire still burning, it isn't glowing. Turning 23 felt a lot lonely and less celebratory for me. Probably due to the fact that I am not used to being away from home on the day of my birthday. I missed mum, dad, even the sister who is in another country, the love of my life, my Baby Dino and above all, I miss the one who has gone to another world. That left me bawling out like a child in the night, much to the dismay of my friends. Trust me, when I break, it is with a loud crash. But then again, crying is good for the soul. It cleanses parts of you, allowing you to move on. But moving on just seems like a huge word for me. I am still here, caught up in hidden emotions, trying not to mix it all up.
School has been good so far. I love my job and I certainly look forward to waking up each and every morning to go to school. Been having a little problem with some children but I believe that would be solved soon. I have fallen madly and deeply in love with a small child that I am tutoring. He can't read well in English and struggles through but honestly, he is a sweetheart. His willingness to learn and the extent to which he pushes himself reinforces my principle that the best way to teach is from the heart, out of love. I'll definitely put up a post dedicated to him soon.
Apart from that, I feel that my life is moving on but I am not. I don't know how to exactly pen down with words all that I am feeling but I can tell you this, it hurts to feel lonely in a crowded room.

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