I used to have this rule of not writing when I don't feel love or joy. And then I realised I wouldn't feel love or joy if I didn't write. Blogging is an easy thing. Anyone can just sign up and start writing and being an avid blogger for the last few years of my life, it is really funny how now when I open up a blank post, I am searching for words to type. I don't know whether it is me who has changed or it is the world who has changed me. Cliche? I feel so too.
There is so much I want to say and each word is like a sword to me right now. I need to find the right ones so that I don't swing my sword the wrong way. The topic of the day is humans and let's hope I stay sane throughout this post.
They say that life is not worth living if you did not have anyone by your side. What's the point of having all the wealth in the world if you did not have anyone to share it with? What's the point of living in a big house if the house is filled with nothing but silence? Heard that before? I am sure we all have listened to the argument of wealth versus relationships and we have picked sides. I have too. But putting all that aside, the comparison of wealth thrown away and I am left asking what is relationship after all?
We shall not talk about bonds that are made of blood. Let's talk about bonds that we create with other people. I consider myself a very tolerant person. I can bite my tongue back and take a deep breath and let things go. But if you push me to the brink, you will find me explode and boy, that is not a good sight. I hate being this way, that much I can say. But every day of my life now seems to be such a big struggle with difficult people that I am honestly at lost at how to just push everything aside and start fresh.
Guess its true then. Never ever trust, love or care too much? I wish I learnt that a little earlier. Have you ever felt trapped in your own emotions that you just want to sit in a corner and cry or just start punching everything you see? Have you ever wished you did not feel the way you feel? And have you ever just wanted to hide under your bed never to be found again? I know that I cannot change the way other people are. Their behaviours, personality or life. But I can change the way I deal with them. I just wish my conscience agreed with me a little on this and not put up such a tough fight. I wish I am not easily affected but I am. I wish I was as strong as people deem me to be. And really, I wish I did not write this.
I am holding on to the believe that I am a blessed person with so much in me that little petty issues such as this is nothing when compared to how magnificent I am. I am holding on to every ounce of courage I have in this matter and I am drawing strength from my own smiles and happiness. If there is something I want to tell the world today it is this:
That person you are smiling with in that photograph, he/she will change and he/she will walk away. Tough as it seems, unneeded as it feels, stop for a moment and ask your heart if he/she is worth fighting for. And please do me a favour will you? Please listen to your heart.