Imagine this. A leaf that is floating down a river, not knowing where it's going, trusting the flow of current and wishing so badly that it is still intact to its roots. A slight shift of wave and it quivers, panics, holds on tight to whatever that is nearby and in that moment, a sort of blankness overpowers the atmosphere touching lightly on its conscience, reminding it, that after all, it is just a leaf.
If you made it through that paragraph without wondering what on earth I am talking about, then I thank you. You just got a glimpse of how I feel right now. I am that leaf and the waves are just too strong. It has taken me a very long time to write this. Too many wasted drafts and unshed tears later, I am here now. I have taken an oath not to let circumstances, people and situations change the way I think or feel and yet the past few weeks have been a constant struggle.
If there is one thing I can tell you for sure, relationships are tough. You get too emotionally attached to people and when suddenly you are thrown in a deep end, everything starts hurting. It is really so funny how fast life can change and how much life can rob you off your happiness. I am not saying that I am unhappy. I am happy, very much indeed but the little snippets of my life and tiny memories are forcing me to think otherwise. It's like a tunnel of thoughts that is haunting me trying to take away my joy.
I do not like the fact that I am penning this down but without doing so, I know I won't be able to move on and the way I feel right now is not something I like. I am not proud to admit that I have let negativity overshadow me but I am learning, and it might be a slow process but I am getting there. I am wishing for some sort of magic to just be dusted on me that I wake up from this torturous dream to be the person I was a few weeks back. Yet, I know I must find that magic within me. May I be blessed with the serenity to accept that which I cannot change and to embrace my individuality enough that I do not let situations and difficult people hold me back. Honestly, may I be blessed enough.