HEALING. HOPE. HAPPINESS

"That surely took you a long time to make a comeback Raevarthy", I hear my inner voice mocking me. You have to trust me when I say this, I wanted to write. I really did. So badly. But each time I opened up a blank post, my mind mirrored that which I saw and it went blank too. So much has happened in so little time. But then again, that phrase is one that is too familiar with me. Been a while since I wrote, so I don't care. I don't care of the nature of my post, my surroundings or the stinging pain I feel at the back of my eyes and head. No, I don't care. I need to speak. I need to voice out. I need to say things. And above all, I need to hear myself being sane and human.
That's a big word, isn't it? Sane and human. I am okay. In fact, I am beyond okay. "So, what the hell are you doing Raevarthy?" miss inner voice points out. Truth is, I don't know. I feel compelled to tell you this today and perhaps its the fact that I have so much to do and no way of starting out that I am here typing away. It is a beautiful Monday in an amazing school. So, let me tell you exactly what has happened.
I found my sense of living. No, it isn't something you or me can see. It has no voice and yet it can be a persistent friend. It has life, that's for sure. It is nagging me to be the best version of myself, and really when you think about it, what else is better than that?
Remember that time when you fell and grazed your knee? It hurt but it hurt even worse when you rubbed medicine on it or remember how difficult it was trying not to look down at your bleeding knees? Put me in that situation, minus the knees but keep the pain.
8 months later and it still hurts. Losing someone so close to me has left a deafening silence in my heart. And then, when I decided to heal myself, rubbing stillness and quietness into my wound, it hurts even worse. I am fully aware of the fact that I have come a long way. I have let go of many bitter memories and yet give me a plush chair, some slow music, and my mind starts conjuring up images. And what do you have after that? Yes, me sobbing quietly in the corner trying to rock myself into a world in which everything makes sense. Because right here, right now, nothing does.
So yes, where did I find my sense of living? In a place so deep within me. In a little cloud I'd like to call hope. No matter what you have been through or what you ARE going through, please do not forget that there is a system in you, away from all your physical self. And this system, this magnificent working is called HOPE. You need to find your strength to hold on to whatever little hope that you have left. It is the only thing that you must do. Take it from me. Everyone goes through hell and I have been there too. Yet, I am not burned by it. I am scarred, yes, but not burned. I am alive. I am taking charge of my life. I am working it my way, one thing at a time, slow and steady I tell myself. So, take it from me. Listen loud and clear.
You are special. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are magnificent and you deserve everything good in life. Something wonderful is on its way to you. Just have hope. Happiness is on its way to you.

Ps: If you can make sense of this, thank you. :)

Be beautiful. Be amazing. Be magnificent. Above all, be you. :)

I was here a few months ago still figuring out how to take the next step in my life. Too many things at once happened way too fast. I was lost and sinking. I owe it to my cheery personality and gigantic smile that saves me each time I dwell into my emotions. That is going to change...right about now.
You know, it takes inspiration to write and you gotta know, my inspiration has a way of striking at the oddest of hours. But I have to be here now. I have to pen this down. I am in a point in my life right now that it feels good to simply be me. Oh no no, I ain't perfect but that's okay. I am me.
I have battled the worst of demons, I have sunk way more times than you ever will and I am still gasping for air. But know what, it feels good. It feels good to grow up.
Today I want to tell you how important it is to believe in yourself. You have to know this because it took me a long time to really trust myself, my emotions and my dreams. If I had a chance to rewind to the last few years of my life, I will hold my own head high up and tell myself that I am strong and I can do this. I will tell myself that life is what I make of it. But, I can't. So let me tell you that today. I can start telling you one story after the next of which I saw dead ends and yet I raised from my own ashes to be strong and still it will be just a story. So, let me draw from you. Let me take you to a journey to understand yourself.
Bad things happen. That's just the way things are. You can't question anyone for anything that has been happening in your life. No one owes you anything, and that includes GOD. You see that challenge? That mountain ahead? The dead end? It is just an illusion. You can break through it. My dear, you can so do this. You are stronger than what you believe. Nothing bad ever happens to us. It is what we make of situations that determines what the outcomes are. You are a magnificent human being with so much to offer the world. Rise now. Put your hands over your heart. Feel that? You are alive. You can do so much from just being alive. Gotta dream you wanna achieve? Start now. You wanna break free from a sinking relationship? Do it now! You wanna follow what your heart says? Go ahead! It is your life and yes, you have all the abilities and talent in the world to lead your own life!
Be beautiful. Be amazing. Be magnificent. Above all, be you.

Being single isn't a misfortune. It is a privilege, a choice and a decision.

So here I am. At a juncture in my life in which all my friends are either attached, getting engaged, or dating in the hopes of finding that "someone" to spend the rest of their lives with and I am still jotting down notes, adding on to an already long list of what I want in a prince charming and yes, I still refer him as "prince charming". I am officially 23, i am independent, i am in love with life and yes, i am waiting patiently to be swept off my feet by the perfect guy. Of course, perfect here is subjective and before you start arguing with me that there is no such thing as perfectness, i'll tell you that I see imperfection as the most beautiful thing on Earth and that is perfect to me.

So, here I am. A post on an idiot who is stuck in a tree I suppose. But the catch is, I am not impatient. I am not waiting to fall in love. I am completely, head over heels in love with my life. I am doing things that I love. I am exploring stuffs and I am meeting so many wonderful people who are teaching me new things about everything under the sun. So really, I am ok. 

This post is meant to tell you that it doesn't matter if you are still single. It doesn't matter if everyone thinks you should already be attached to someone and yes, there is absolutely nothing to rush about. You are you. You are young. You are beautiful. You are worth your own opinion. Never ever feel rejected, overwhelmed or not worthy of a relationship. Trust me honey, there is nothing wrong with you. 

Remember this. Life is so so so big. There is so much about yourself for you to learn about. There is so much about you that you can fall in love with. Of course it will get lonely but when you learn that there is a happiness in that alone time, you will understand what I am talking about. 

Love is an amazing feeling. An out of this world experience that you deserve to have with the right person. Never get in a relationship just because you think you are getting older or just because someone is in love with you. Ask yourself, are you in love with that person? Can you imagine not spending the rest of your life with that person? Does it hurt? If your answer is no to any of that question, then stop. Stop wanting to settle for anything less than what you deserve. 

And yes, there is such a person called "Prince Charming" and "Princess Charming". He/She is out there somewhere. He/She will come into your life at the right moment and just like a tornado it will hit you one day without you even realising. And it will be the most unique feeling ever. Trust me, it is worth the wait. 

Signing off with love,
a princess who is in love with her life while waiting for her prince.