Written from the core of my heart.

I love myself enough to know that I am wounded. I love myself enough to know that I am broken into pieces and I love myself enough to know that the one responsible for my healing is not around. I am shaken with reality and I do not know where to turn to. Funny how the girl who has a shoulder for people to lean on finds herself with none to call her own. Reality is cruel, that much I dare say. 

These emotions and regrets that haunt me when I least expect it to is turning me into a slave of my own conscience. Remember how people say that when nothing goes right, you have to turn left? What if I turn left and there is nothing there for me too? I am afraid. I am terrified. 

It is a long battle, one that I know I can survive if I have my heart and soul set at the right place. But what about my win? What about that then. I am a competitive person by nature but not to the extent of losing relationships so what if I lose myself in this crave for victory? 

I am battling a million demons in myself a day. Sometimes these demons have a voice. That cruel, earth shattering voice that blocks me out of this world. I don't know how to fight that off. I don't know. 

On the outside, I am this girl with a bright smile and positive attitude and on the inside, I die a little more with each passing day. At times, I am angry with myself for not having the same inner glow to match the one the world sees. But, what do I do? This is the way I feel and I cannot tell myself to feel a certain way. 

I am not alone in this tough journey, that much I know. But then again, whoever out there would understand the pain, and hurt of an overweight girl that the society strips down with words? At the end of the day, I am still me and the society is something I cannot escape from. 

Signing off with a note to myself that I am beautiful,
Raevarthy