-Hello September!-

So, september has started.. Well, it is abut time it did..I had a somewhat crappy August but hey, I survived! My new goal for Sep is to write less angry blog posts. I mean, life is a celebration right, so why the anger? Nevertheless, I am still human..Lets just see what happens shall we. I hope I started sep well. I am happy though...My heart is beating so fast! I hope you know why! :)

PS: It meant a lot to me. Thank you, GOD!

Bound with anger! The truth as it should be!

I seriously don't understand how some people can be so damn ignorant of others. Not only that, I have just come to realise that the inhabitants of this earth are bloody well actors as well. There are no one out there with a crystal clear heart and I'm not expecting people to have one either coz I don't. However, all I am preaching here is mutual respect. You respect me and I respect you. Now, does that not sound simple? Then, why am I so angry you ask? I'll tell you.

I started the day fairly well. I mean I dont really have extremely good days, nonetheless, I woke up early for a Monday and was buzzed with energy and excitement. I mean its Independence Day tomorrow! I don't know about you, but I just love the 31st of August! Anyway, it is not all sugary sweet as I finally found out.

(I have chosen to eliminate some details as people do read my blog and I do not want to create more complications)

Anyway, let me just tell you this. Working in a team is always tough. It does not matter whether it is for assignments or tasks in class. I have had it with you. You always pretend like you are pulling the weight around when in reality all of us know you are not. You never do much and we never complain. So, why the sudden show of anger? N btw, has anyone told you, it is never fair to judge someone if you do not know them? Honestly, come on..tell me what did I do? Why the cold shoulder? Not that I care of, but it is not fair! I don't mind you hating me, but I'd love to know the reason why. But, you are you and I am me. You are far from perfect and so am I. I have only one thing to say to you: Grow up!

Now lets move on. I think all of us can relate to this part. A different "you", pls keep that in mind.

I buzz you with a hello so that you can reply me and yes, it hurts when you don't. I know all of us have assignments and all, we r students but still, the least you can do is get back to me. Let me tell you this, I never buzz first unless I really care about that person. And I genuinely care about you. A simple hello wont hurt! Why are you so bloody ignorant??? How do I hate you if I love you so much? (ironical statement with much truth to it)

The third person( Another different "you")

I treated you with respect because you are older than me. But, what the hell man! You are smouldering me! And thats not a place I like to be in. Im not yours! So, let me go! You helped me yes, I needed you yes! But, i dont even know you!! Get that right first! I am very much thankful that you were there for me, but I have nothing more to offer than a sincere friendship and heartfelt gratitude. We cant be bffs or anything more than that, god forbid. I did not get back to you. So, pls try to understand. I am not drifting away, I just now know where I stand. I am sorry for that.

P.S: I do not wish to hurt anyone. But, there are times that you need to lay out the truth no matter how tough it might seem to be. I just did. From the bottom of my heart, sorry if I hit the wrong note! After all, I am human too.

-Ridiculously missing you-

Can miles truly separate you from friends? If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? I don't know what you think but isn't it absurd to say that despite the fact that absence do make the heart grow fonder, just a mere thought of someone makes you able to feel their presence? I think it is ridiculous. If you really love someone and you miss them, you have TO let them know. You can't just think of them and expect them to magically feel your love. We are living in a very much civilised world in which there are too many communicative tools. So, I'm going to say it here:

You, the one with that cute dimple and those dreamy eyes, the one that I stalk each day and whose thoughts feed my soul, the one that I can't stop thinking of and the one that literally ignores me whenever I muster the courage to buzz with a "hello", and the one that I relate each song I hear to,

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

-Fit for a prince-

I want to dance in the rain with your hands gently over mine, pulling me close.

I want to feel your embrace as the rain drops wash away my fears.

I want to be able to close my eyes with the security that you would always be there for me.

I want a tear drop to fall unknowingly as you part ways with me.

I want to smile for no reason when a thought of you pops into my head.

I want you to say you love me and mean it.

I want to have long conversations on the phone with you discussing nothing in particular.

I want your voice to be the first and the last I hear everyday.

I want that painstaking silence that echoes around us whenever we fight.

I want to get on your nerves and I want you to get on mine.

I want to cook for you and watch you eat with approval.

I want to take long walks on the beach with your arms over my shoulder.

I want to receive flowers as a sign of apology

I want to leave you love notes all over the house

I want to share my world, soul, blood, heart and body with you

But, before I do all that,

I simply want you to exist.

-Life and me-

I have no idea why am I here trying so hard to pour out the contents of my heart when I should seriously be sleeping. But, you don't feel the same all the time right? So, before I lose this thoughts and vibes, I think I better pen them down. Well, lets see...What has happened this few days? Oh ya..I got stuck for hours out of my dorm room when it magically locked itself and I now have a broken door, I am missing my juniors that are at Putrajaya, I have fasted each day without fail( well...literally), I attended a beautiful engagement( well, aren't all vows of love beautiful?..thats the romantic person in me speaking..), I set for a short LDS test that killed me( literally again..), and etc etc etc...

So, whats my point? Simple, life is so messy but it is beautiful too. We often don't look at how much we have until we lose parts of it, I should know. I may hate some days of my life but as a whole I dare say I have a pretty rocking life. I am sure you do too. It's just that we don't appreciate it do we? I mean..we curse and blame people for our sorrows yet we fail to notice that they are people out there with way bigger problems than us. So, all I'm saying is, don't give up on life. It's just too beautiful. Embrace those around you because they need you. Give them a warm hug or just flash them a smile. It goes a long way. Would you not like to have a hug and a smile from all your friends or family members each day? I know I would.

Just remember, you may not have a perfect life, but life by itself is pretty darn amazing. Live with that thought and you would survive. Besides, did God not put us in this wold for a reason? Just hold on and don't give up! Life is full of twists and loopholes, and you never know when you may fall or rise. So, I say, why not close your eyes and go with the flow? The destination does not matter but the journey does! Happy living a happy life!

Ps: It is pretty amazing what a mug of coffee can do to me.

Feeling all inspired,

Raevarthy

-I am just human-

Life right now demands so much out of me that at times I feel like giving up. I have never wished to have all these feelings. Everyone speaks of assignments, finals, tests, homework’s and so on that I can feel the pressure building up slowly in me. I want so badly to succeed in terms of my education that I am so stressed out at times. I like helping people. I really do. But, sometimes, I feel so upset and annoyed that they take up so much of my time till I am left with no time for myself. It is good to be there for people but I don’t think I like faking the attention I give them. I have always held this belief that you need friends, but you can’t keep them too close. Then, why is it so hard for me to say “no”? You see…that’s precisely where my weakness lies. I am terrified of breaking the hearts of people around me yet I am upset that I don’t do it. Is it fair to be selfish? Should I wear honesty on my sleeves everyday of the week? Will, the people around me understand if I do so? Well, maybe it is time I found out.

-A tad bit angry-

Ok! I have had it! Seriously! I am not naive and I never dreamnt of plagiarising someone else's work. Everyone knows that I'm approachable. If you need help, come and see me. Ask me how to do it rather than telling me to give you my notes so that you can copy them! That's cheating! And it is my hard work! The work that I put my blood, sweat, and tears into. I do not like you and I don't not want to hate you! C'mon lah..Wake up! You have to know that I am not naive nor am I calm. I can get furious and when I do it is not going to be a pretty sight. I love to help people. And I love to teach people. So, sit with me. Ask me. Clarify answers. I am more than willing to help. You should know that the only reason I can get along better with them than you is coz they genuinely care about their studies and no, they do not use me. They are always there for me. Why don't you change? Or better still, why don't you plagiarise the works of your "darling friend"? Why me??? And no, there is no sorry for those who do not know how to work hard. Leave me alone!

Love, perhaps?

I dreamnt of you today and yes, I miss you. Maybe you were just meant to be a part of my dreams. Why are you so far away from me? When you were there, I took you for granted and now I regret it. Maybe that last day with you could have been different. Maybe a simple "goodbye" could have made a difference. I guess I would never know. Is there any hope that I would meet you again? I long for that day despite knowing full-heartedly that it would not affect you in any manner if I do so. But, it would be one of the happiest days of my life. I am fairly sure of that. You know, there is just so much a person can write here. The rest remains buried deep within my soul. Only time will tell. I can't flush away your memories and so, shall I keep them? It hurts and yet it feels good. What do you call this feelings? Love, perhaps?

-Not in a good shape-

I can only wish for things to get better. There are lots of people out there with the capability to shower me with all the love that I need. Then why on earth am I pinning for something that doesn't exist? I am confident, opinionated, and I certainly do not need you in my life. I have had enough since I walked in here. Life here is nothing but a whole mess. And yet, it is a beautiful mess. All I need to do is find a way to strike a balance. I am trying, I dare say that.

-Wordless-

Everyone makes mistakes in life. Some large, some small. It's what you do afterwards that counts.

(Raevarthy, 2010)

-Too confused for words-

I have people looking out for me and I wish for this feelings of security to last forever. My mind is not where it should be. I am confused, depressed and there is no known comfort. I just wish to run away from all this and go back to when life was so much easier.

I have not let all this feelings out yet because I have not found the right person to share this dark world of mine with yet. I am not who you see on the outside. I smile, but in reality it hurts. It hurts so badly.

-Just for you-

This week was all about being extremely pissed off with certain people. You know, i really don't know when i will have a life free of all this! I am just so disappointed. How could you speak behind my back and think I would not get any access to such rumors being spread around about me? We were once close. I do not deny that fact. But, place a hand on your heart and tell me. Was there ever any honesty between us? I am a big girl and no, no one is influencing me. I do know that I am classified as just someone you need at certain occasions, not a friend. I loved you. And i really thought this friendship would last. I am not perfect but I have feelings too. There is just so much a person can take. Have a good life though..coz i can't find the heart to wish you any harm.

-;(-

I know I rarely write angry posts. But this has just been one of those weeks. You know the one where everyone gets on your nerves. Yeah! Hell of a week!

And yet, I found solitude and comfort in the arms of good friends.

PS: Life here is just too damn complicated!