Reliving the past..scared of the future

Loneliness is not a good thing. I know it's not wise to surround myself in this 4 walls and locked door. I smile the whole day and yet the moment I'm alone it all comes back. The reality of life. This 2 years that I have been through is unexplainable and I honestly don't have the strength to go through it all over again, even if it is not one of my own this time around. The feelings, and the environment all comes flooding back. I am alone and it haunts me to think of what might happen. I am more than worried because I am just too familiar of knowing how it feels to see a loved one barely moving in the ICU. I know how strange those doctor's words may seem. I don't want to relive this again but I can't seem to put it all at the back and move on. Like I said, when you are alone, you are forced to relive the past and you are forced to think of the future. I am putting all the weight in the world in GOD's shoulders and despite knowing HE is always there, I also know that right now their lives depend on humans that barely know anything. Everything is about money. And I hate it that it has to be as such. Why did GOD even create money? Why can't we live on love and care. Because I know they have enough of those. I know I'm hoping for a lot here, but no one said it's wrong to hope. Dear GOD, I know you hear me. Open your eyes to my words. Please?