Remembering the last 5 1/2 years in IPBA.

Have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Less than 2 months to go for me to bid goodbye to IPBA for now. For now in the sense that I want to return to IPBA as someone on the other side one day ( a dream I know I will work very hard to make sure it comes true). Nevertheless, goodbyes always hurts, at least for me. When I really give it a thought, the last 5 1/2 years that I have spent here has definitely made me someone I am proud being. I started IPBA with a bang. Then, somewhere along the years, with all the twists and turns that happened in my personal life, it changed me. Lost a few friends along the way. Gained many back. People I once thought I can never see myself living without slowly settled in that faded memory corner of my mind. I walked into this place thinking 5 years would pass by so quickly that I wouldn't even realise it and yet, now that I am finally reaching what I'd like to call "the end" I can not stay true to that statement.
I remember everything that has happened here. Every tear shed, every laughter shared, every kind words spoken to me, every beautiful soul that has embraced me, all the lecturers that has pushed to be a better teacher, the ones who has showed me how amazing I am, if i set my mind straight and undeniably the many friends I have made here who loved me so much even when I wasn't very lovable. I am so grateful for everything and everyone. Even the bad looks so good now. I am envious of my juniors who get to spend another few years in such a magical place. I can almost here you squirm there, but honestly, this is a magical place.
My life is about to change dramatically. I am very excited, thrilled to the core and yet engulfed with lots of nerves. I don't know where life is going to take me after this but I know that if I keep my positive outlook, I will be fine. I speak a lot about growing up in my posts and yet nothing has felt more real than it is now. Will be touching 24 in a few months and boy, isn't that an achievement. Came here with a childish outlook towards everything, a carefree personality and now even with the childishness intact, I am a matured young lady. IPBA has contributed immensely towards that, definitely.
So yes, in the next 2 months, I am going to breathe into this air of love as much as I can. Here is to discovering the me I wanna be when I walk out of those gates. I don't know what is going to happen, where the future is going to take me, but I know it can never be anything lesser than amazing.

A tribute to the friendship we have shared. My ZZZ-AAA gang. :)

What is that four letter word we call LOVE?

What is it about hearts, roses and chocolates that reminds even the nerdiest of hearts of love? And here I am, Miss Love/Romance trying my very best to not be reminded of all those. Need to focus on work, on studies, on being a responsible bla bla.
But then in those quiet nights of watching a romantic comedy or reading this really touching, heartfelt write up someone does on their social media site and I am left floating into my fantasy world in which I am smiling a little too freely, my head arched back and butterflies fluttering in my tummy. I am in love in that world with a prince. (No, you don't get to criticise my fantasy world).
 So, getting back to this world, there is so much talks about love or about wanting to be loved or the magic of being in love and really, who are we kidding? Even the nerdiest or realists of us all have at least once wondered if it is indeed possible to love someone so truly, madly, deeply and above all be loved that way in return. I know I sound a little skeptic tonight but it's a question worth asking.
There are far too many of us who are in a relationship with someone for so many reasons and when you ask them "Do you love him/her", they are left questioning what is love. And then there is another portion of us who have no idea where we stand with a certain someone in our lives and we call it love. Oh ya, not to forget, the other half of us who are constantly putting ourselves out there, walking around with a hope and promise that with every person that we meet, every someone that we date would somehow magically bring us closer to experiencing a magic like no other that so many people call "LOVE" with someone. Cliche scenarios?
LOVE. A four letter word with so many definitions, point of views and principles attached to it. How can something that is promised to be so beautiful, be so much work? I have got myself asking that tonight.
Here's the thing about love. You do not know when it happens but when it does it gives u a spiral, a thrill, equated to having an adrenaline rush. You look at things slightly different, everything either makes so much sense suddenly or doesn't at all but you could be the least bothered about it. Life suddenly seems a happier, exciting place to live, of course with the company of this magnificent being you have come to know. That is LOVE defined by many throughout many centuries.
So, that is the question for tonight. What is Love? Is it adrenaline rush never running out? Infatuation that has matured? Lust with a new word? What is Love?

When a traveler returns home, he/she finds life.

I was reading a book recently which spoke greatly about meditation, what it does to the body and mind, how liberating it is to feel, quoting, "free". We all have heard that. Some of us, even lucky enough to have experienced this life changing moment of uniting with a force that resides deep in us. It isn't so much of that whole event of finding something bigger than us or about knowing "peace" with ones self that fascinates me. It is undoubtedly the feeling of going back to everyday life once that happens. What happens after finding peace, solidarity and quietness? What happens after a traveler returns home from his journey of finding himself? What happens then? Life happens.

I found my peace recently. How and why it happened is irrelevant to this. But, I am interested to talk about what happened after I did. Life has a funny way of showing us things, of proving to us how awesome it really is if we could look past all the trials and tribulations that come with it. 

Today is an important day to me. I do not go out much, do not see my friends enough, do not bother keeping in touch that much. Not that I do not like to. But there is a part of me, the bruised, battered soldier part that continues to make appearances when I least expect it to. Perhaps, I fear that part being conjured up that I choose to live in silence. Today, I laughed a lot, smiled more than that and above all, I reminded myself how it feels to feel...carefree. Perhaps it is the tiny sense of security and comfort that old friendships bring or maybe it is just me, adjusting to life after the journey of finding something bigger than me. Whatever it is, I treasure it. I wish there was a way for me to document this feeling. Perhaps put it a jar, so that I can release it when I want to. Impossible? I know.

To the One who is watching this happen to me, thank you. Because now, I know I am okay. I am healed. And nothing feels better than knowing you have the entire universe at your fingertips. *crosses arms and smiles*