Can you feel lonely in a crowded room?

Been a while since I last visited this place of darkness. This one hole in my soul that apparently my mind likes going back to. I don't know how else do I describe feeling this way. From a girl who is considered good at understanding other people, the way they feel, why they feel that way, and how to help them feel better, it seems pretty ridiculous, I know that.
Have you ever felt like you were drowning in this big ocean of doubts and insecurities? Like nothing that you ever do or think is good enough? They say that when your heart is at the right place, things will work out. They say that you should never give up hope because hope is like that burning candle that we ignite when the power gets cut off. But that's what they say. They don't know that in that split second of lighting up a candle, the mind wanders, and the heart tremors. So, how dare they say that it will be fine?
I know that negativity does not suit me. I am a positive person. My whole life is built on hope. But this hole of darkness that my mind keeps taking me back to has swallowed that aspect of me. I am lost and I don't like being lost.
So, is it possible to feel lonely in a crowded room? Apparently it is.

Oooooo, So it is already 2013?

*drum rolls*
And here it is, the last day of the year 2012. To be honest, a part of me always thought that somehow I won't be alive till this day. I don't know why, but I did. And I don't know why, but I am still alive. I am very grateful to be able to still breathe, to be able to still cuddle with Ruby and Dino, to be able to cook with mum or argue with dad. I am still alive and I am thankful for that.
Errr, okay, that was emo enough for an intro.
It is the last day of the year and as always, I am compelled to reflect on how the year went. 2011 was a roller coaster year for me. I had my ups and downs but 2012 was a year that just went downhill, in so many aspects. I have been through more in this last 365 odd days then I have ever had in my life. The trials and tribulations that I have faced is one that would remain etched in my heart forever. I have just learnt so much in this one year that words will never be able to express how I feel ending the year.
But hey, a new year equals to a new beginning right? So here is to leaving everything behind and putting a step forward. I have had a long list of resolutions compiled but right before we go there, let's just see how 2012 went, shall we?
My biggest dream for 2012 is to get myself published. I did not manage to do it in the scale I wanted to but an article that I wrote did get published in my college magazine. I am fueled with so much passion to continue that dream to own a column of my own in a newspaper. I know it will happen, I just hope it happens soon.
In 2012, I promised to take care of myself real well and I am happy to say that I did. I fell in love with myself many times this year. I know I know. Pretty self praising but hey, I do love myself very much!
Well, I have no idea how 2013 would go but I am keeping my hopes up. I know it will be an awesome year if I just let it to. Here is to meeting new people, to learning new lessons, to being a better version of me. Here is to a new year. Happy New Year people!

Signing off with a smile, Love you people!

What makes you a man?

I woke up to the sad news of the Delhi victim's death yesterday. I remember feeling this emptiness in my heart and soul. I did not know that girl. She was not my sister, friend nor were we tied by any relation, blood or not. But we had one similarity. We are both females living in a world that never failed to put down the fairer sex. Once again, as always, I am stressing the fact that I am not a sexist. I am merely a girl trying to raise a voice for her own gender.
My hands are numb typing this out, and so is my heart and soul. Where is the value of a woman? I just don't understand how anyone would have the heart to do what they did to that girl. She has been given names such as Daarmini and Nirbhaya. No one knows her true identity, something which should be remained that way. This girl is the voice of thousands of us, females. She will remain a pillar of strength for the many of us and her death will have an arc of its own in our souls forever.
But here is something that I don't understand. Why do men choose to rape? Please highlight the word "choose" here. I am saying that it is a choice that men make. To rob a girl of her virginity or to force her into sex does not make you a man. Here is what that does make you a man. Can you touch a girl no where but her heart? If you can, pet yourself on your back. Because honestly, that makes you a man.

Signing off though I have so much to say.