-tonight is the night-

It's finnaly here! Macbeth night! I'm far too nervous..beyond words! Ok, calm down raevarthy...calm down...just breathe..there you go....

everything is in its place..the costumes are ready..make-ups have been bought n tried out...

props are all set..the stage has been marked...

my actors have gone through with their lines one last time last night...

stage manager is calm...she noes what she is doing

my sound crew, is ready with the sound effects

my technician is all ready to play with the lights..

backdrop has gone up...

my curtain guy is prepared...

alright..everything looks good...

then, why on earth am i this nervous??????

C'mon director, u noe u can count on these bunch of crazy yet responsible people!

Well, its a bit sad to think that it's all going to come to an end soon..all our efforts and hard work...i noe i sound emo but that is just me...i have this longing in my heart to do it all over again...right from the beginning...n i would not change anything..because that is what made us who we are today! Act 2 guys and girls, lets rock the stage tonight!

-Too much drama-

Yes, it is the season of Macbeth but the drama that i am referring to ain't got nothing to do with Macbeth...It is everything around me...the people around me.... sometimes, i feel like im floating outside my body, watching ever patiently all that happens..everyday is a brand new day..nothing is the same...my emotions change...somehow, i feel im gng through the dreadful period of pre-teen life again..

Once again, somehow i lost trust on a person that i used to admire the most..i always told my mum that a teacher should be as dedicated as him..i feel sad typing this out..but maybe we fail to notice his mood swings or maybe we just ignored it..but it was wrong for him to make one of my best girlfriend cry...my heart weeped in silence as she wailed deeply into her sleeves...i am sorry i did not back u up..then again, all of us are syg...

i always believe that it is hard to tell, or to explain to someone about something if they choose not to hear and that is what he did.He shut his ears to our explanation. Hence, i have taken a decision to not care anymore..Quoting from Jaaz, "Who cares??!"

In another corner of my life, i have people that i love in deep trouble..trouble that they cant even splutter out..just take care hon, i m always here for you...

And yet, in a much happier tone, my sis will be back for the July hols...Honestly, i need her here.i need to be with her..i need to sense that my family life is back to normal...although normal seems to be very far away now...i m still having difficulties letting go of what happened..i try not to think about it..i m not trying to forget it..n even if i try, it somehow resurfaces...such a deep wound in my heart n i still can't find a band-aid or a cure...hope gives some light..but trust me when i say it is not enough...sometimes all u can do is hope i guess..

Sometimes in life, you let go of all the pointless drama and the people that bring it because you know you are much better off without them..In my case, i m choosing not to let go...maybe it will make me a stronger person, maybe it will cripple me..either way, im all ready for the journey!

more of me( a pretty long post!)

Today proved to be another challenge for me....Personally, I have had some issues that i had to deal with concerning our play and now i can only wonder whether our efforts would be worth it.. I have calmed down a lot backstage(which is a good sign i suppose).. previously, i had nervous breakdowns(maybe i am nervous in behalf of the rest because they always seem to be much more relaxed)..

Let me break it down for you..This is what happened...

Right after our previous rehearsal, a good friend of mine summoned me up and started commenting(mind you, really bad comments) about our act... I admit it took me by surprise..even to the extent that i did not have enough time to defend my act(sorry fellow actors)..I was already having a pretty bad day, hence, it made things worse...I was in the verge of tears, but i did not cry(hooray to me!)..anyway, i always believe that things happen for a reason..hence, i m fully over those comments passed down..he has learned his lesson, im sure..

Anyway, let me move on to the next event(a major one indeed)..Masquerade night!

Well, i love dressing up! So, i have been looking around for a dress that would transform me into a princess on that night and yes i did find one...well, my cousin sis borrowed me hers in which i have been tip toeing around the house(of course with ruby and dino right behind me)..well, i was elated! happy, excited!! every single emotion related to joy! yes, it felt good to look into the mirror and see a princess smiling back! Yet, my joy was short lived because my tailor told me that it is impossible to repair the damage on the dress(yes, it was sorta torn when she gave me..but i thought i could piece them back together)...hence, the dress has been returned ever since to its rightful owner, with much regret i must say...but, i have a black dress..one that i never thought i would wear..i bought it exclusively for my birthday that went uncelebrated(you know y....) but i guess, it is simple then for me..no princess but just a normal girl(but, i still insist that i m a princess at heart)..anyway, i conclude here that i still am thinking on whether i should attend this so-hyped about event,.....lets see how my mood is on that day...

Moving on, let me just say this, i have a crush!! yes..he is real n yes he is drop dead gorgeous!! Lee, i love you! For those of you living under a cave, Lee is a contestant on American Idol. He can sing(really well) n he is cute!! double cute!! triple cute!! well, he is cute! I hadn't been watching American Idol for a long time(yes im living under a cave called ipba)..so, it came by a surprise when i watched the recap last saturday night..there are only 4 contestants left n i hope Lee wins... Lee, hon, u r cute!!(as though he is going to read this!)..i dun care..U R CUTE!!

With much rambling, i hope you had fun reading this...n i leave you with one last word..I have a crush on a guy that doesn't know i exist! Honestly Raevarthy, you need to get a life!